First post from you-know-where haha, in the early morning moments while the rest are doing their re-IPPTs; which I thankfully avoided by a narrow 2 seconds margin. Neat, huh? Anyway, just had a heads out, we're supposed to be doing LEARNet now, so I shall do this concurrently, while waiting for the page to load.

You've probably noticed that I've been posting much less here. That's not due to unwillingness on my part, but more due to the fact that blogging has more or less become an unsatisfactory conduit for me to express my thoughts; thoughts that won't wait till the weekend, thoughts that come in what I'd like to think are momentary flashes of insight, which tend to dwindle and pale as I try to elucidate upon them in writing. Things don't flow as freely anymore, as I try to polish my expression; choice of words etc, instead of throwing out everything in its raw form, which I find decidedly unrefined. It takes much effort; effort that I don't really have the time for.

Everyone seems to be so consumed by life lately; the immediate pressing concerns that drown everything out in the background static. Interviews, admissions, applications...all the talk of the town. And yet I find myself very much out of it; something which I felt before awhile before the As as well. It's a dangerous one; as I realized when I heard about everything that has to be prepared for Med, for example, and I also realize that I'm wholly unprepared to sit in front of a bunch of people and bloody well convince them that they've gotta take me in. Honest. Yet while I'm swarmed by the concerns of the here and now - preparing to POP, Med interviews, unpacking and tidying my room, finding my A levels cert, getting along with my section mates, to name a few, in no particular order - I find myself preoccupied with (or is it preoccupied by?) thoughts of the future. I think I'm a pretty meta kind of person, to put it in horribly vague terms, so when everyone's out there discussing interview questions, likelyhood of getting accepted into accounting or something. there I am sitting there, having extricated myself from the mess and looking at myself and saying, oh, that's where he's headed, that's where I'm headed, doesn't seem very interesting to me, to be honest; why am I doing this? Why should I make myself do this? Expectations? No, that's not it, not at all. Then why? People only have so few reasons for doing something, don't they? But none of them are really that perfect a fit! Because it feels right. Because it feels right? Yes, because it feels right. So you're telling me that you're going to stand before them and tell them that you want to do it "because it feels right?"? Well of course not; they'd think I'm a fool. But at least in the theatre of my mind, where I perform for, and appeal to an audience of one, where the only person I have to answer to is me, that is enough. The feeling of rightness isn't something easily accounted for, yet isn't something easily obtained either. There've been times in my admittedly short 18 years wherein I've had all the reasons yet none of that feeling, and I haven't been able to carry on successfully, so I'm just going to trust in this feeling and see where it brings me. Now, now I have a problem. Cause you see, I can't tell them that I want to do it because it feels right; not in so few words, so naked and direct. I've got to dress it up a little, throw in some snazzy stuff; though I do admit, I'm probably being a little too cynical right now. I've always believed that to sound convincing, you first have to convince yourself; so that's what I'll work on.

That and finding my A level cert. Neat, huh?

Oh, and all the best, if you're reading this ;) Relax, and approach it with calm and composure. You'll have no trouble, I'm sure. Things may get you down; but disappointments are Life's great gift, once you manage to keep things in perspective. They inspire you to try harder, while success only breeds complacency; while is my greatest problem, I'm afraid, when I've taken long, hard looks at the course of my life.

Where is fancy bred? In the heart, or in the head?
-Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

Just awesome and amusing, with the slightest hint of creepy. I'll make sure to watch the whole thing some day.

Have about 10 mins to post something before I'm off to the (hopefully) sunny island of Tekong once again.

Pretty eventful bookout this time; as it coincided perfectly with us moving from Woodlands all the way to Luxus Hills in AMK/YCK. I did manage to eke out the time for a little trip to Woodlands library to borrow some books for in-camp reading; it's been a while since I last touched a book (not counting that Book of SAF Core Values) and even longer since I've last set foot in a library of any kind, so was a pretty cool experience. Coolest part was that after that; I spontaneously decided not to take the bus/MRT home and instead marched my way back; with my fieldpack on my back; singing army songs all the way. I surprisingly managed to make it all the way back without exhausting my entire repertoire so maybe it wasn't so far after all, probably 4km at most? I'd never walked home from WRL before, so *dundundun* ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! haha.

Lots of packing, damn hectic, slept at 3+ on Friday, on the cool marble floor of the Woodlands house, in front of my laptop. Last time I'll get to do that, methinks. And last night was the first night here, not too bad; but surrounded by towers of cardboard boxes urgh, sneezing from all the damn dust.

Signing off prematurely, time to shower and set off ><

In and out again; week after week, the cycle repeats itself, undeniable, immovable. No sane man curses the rising sun, nor the waxing moon; both things, I must add, I played audience to with much interest throughout my time in BMT.

6 days outfield for fieldcamp. A very eventful one, to say the least. It'd be all too easy to romanticize the whole bloody affair, but that doesn't do it justice one bit. I'm running out of time here, so I'll just describe it in a snapshot of moments:

The most pleasant one: Lying down in my shell scrape at night; head resting on my field pack, the utilities pouch on my iLBV pushed up to support my lower back, arms against the side walls. Head tilted towards the sky; admiring the almost full moon poking through the clouds; framed by the skeletal branches of surrounding trees. Insects chirp peacefully; and while I know I share my temporary home with various bugs, they don't bother me much, so I'm at peace. In the early morning, a light drizzle awakens me, it's a little cold, and I shiver, but it's not an unpleasant feeling, very cooling and refreshing, actually, the feeling of water hitting my body, and the iLBV keeps my core warm.

Most intensely horrible one: An Artillery Drill right after I'd "finished" digging the shell scrape, having expended about twice as much energy as you'd think it'd take to displace a shitload of clay from the ground with helmet and iLBV on, not to mention having to chip away; loosen and haul out the ever-present rocks with a hoe. (World Food Programme seems like nothing now~) Loud bangs shattering my brief respite; courtesy of some bang sticks or whatever thrown by our CSM, and shouts of "Arti!Arti!" hurting my ears. Rifle frantically transferred from a back sling to a neck one; right hand fumbling behind for the clip to release it. "Faster, gentlemen! You're all dead! Dead!" Dropping prone on the ground, rifle clutched protectively beneath my body, hands interlaced over my neck; frantically echoing "Incoming! Incoming!" every few seconds, till the command "Arti lifted!" is given. It's quite a draining exercise, you know: Chest compressed by the ground, rifle and iLBV, with my body pressing down upon them, unable to draw breathe, while the weight of the helmet clamped my head to the ground. I could hear my voice; relatively strong at first, gradually - very gradually - falter, till I was reduced to weakly gasping under my breath, spluttering out the words as explosions sounded in the background.

TBC. Because off I go again. Just wanted to get something down before I left, so here it is.

Previous post prematurely ended as I went out for lunch with the family.

Anyways, summary: I believe in change; but don't think these kinds of changes occur easily or all that frequently.

I'm thankful for my results; and that's all I'm saying about that.

Now off to check into Resort Tekong; and I've got a week outfield waiting for me when I get there. Ciao.

I find I'm reshaping myself in NS; in ways not entirely clear to me, yet, but I can already see some of the changes reflected in the way I behave with friends and acquaintances.

I believe everyone has a right to change, to reinvent themselves as they see fit. And yet I find that as I try to go forward, and look towards the future; I find myself hindered by the past. Things I've done, decisions I've made, that have somewhat irrevocably cemented people's perceptions of me, or have on a deeper level affected the way I perceive and consequently carry myself. Baggage.



Despite this belief, I find myself more than a little cynical of whether people really can change. They may be exceedingly vocal about it; or come up with a laundry list of reasons for their change; but I've grown too skeptical about such declarations. In general, I don't believe in large, abrupt changes that seemingly occur in the snap of the fingers. These changes have to occur at a fundamental level; building up from deep within. They don't burst to the surface in their full glory but rather steadily bubble up, bit by bit; and are all the more beautiful for that as you see the change express itself before your eyes. They require effort; constant reflection and introspection. It's all too easy to say that you've changed only to steadily regress.

So, I guess time will tell.

Not going to play anymore guessing games; or wonder endlessly about things out of my control.

Reality

Had one of the sweetest dreams I've ever had after returning from Tekong last night haha. I don't usually post song lyrics here but since it featured there, that's gotta make it special, right?

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power
Some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things define what's within
And I have been there before, and that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them

Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share, with no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby
Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys

I'd love to share my tales of fail, but I've recently come to realize the importance of dignity, and why I should try to preserve mine, so I'll refrain from doing so. Suffice to say; falling sick in camp is not something I'll want to do again. Totally not worth it; have to do random saikang without any consideration for your condition, you don't get much rest, and you'll have to make up for whatever you miss.

Spent the day gained from early bookout recuperating at home; alone. It was quiet, something I haven't been able to experience for way too long; late night trips to the toilet aside (which can be freaking scary, trust me). I can't remember the last time I was able to take an afternoon nap like that one, just lying down on the cool marble floor and awakening to find that hours had passed as I dozed peacefully. Freaking refreshing. I really don't see why they have to keep us awake for at least 15 hours straight in BMT, it's really not conducive to our concentration and/or morale. Might seem like a waste of the precious time I have off Tekong but oh well, what's done is done.

1 more week. I really should be more stressed about it, but I haven't really had much time to think about it during my incarceration, what with the constant flow of events as well as my illness lately. I don't think I'm all that anxious.

Que Sera Sera.

I love that phrase.

Strangely, and this is really strange; despite all the time I spend with my section and platoon mates, and occasional conversation with my family, I crave human interaction. Interaction of the decidedly none banal sort.

So, some time for a quick post; though my body seems soundly settled into that BMT rhythm and is clamoring for some sleep. Shush; I'll give it to you in a while.

I've diverted most of my recollections, random thoughts and whatnot into this little diary I'm keeping; a yellow exercise book, scribbled on either under the covers under the light from my NS phone - chugging away valiantly on its indefatigable battery - or at the head of my bed, partially shielded from the doorway by a locker. With these chickenscratches - the best I can manage - I note down the thoughts of the day, as time permits. Pretty mundane thoughts usually; with a countdown to bookout thrown in somewhere for good measure. The army's shown itself to be horrifyingly effective at deadening my brain.


Awesome to bookout. 3 weeks - plus or minus a few days - was a little too long; towards the end, I could already sense how some of us were feeling more stressed and more easily irritable, prone to flareups. So I think it quite understandable that we were all feeling super high as we marched towards Tekong jetty after a hurried dinner; crying out "BOOKOUT!" every step or so, even going so far as to replace the lyrics of AIRBORNE haha. It was hard to keep a smile off my face as I stepped onto the dry dock, which was slowing bobbing along with the waves. Singapore never looked so beautiful before haha, and the sunset just outside the Penguin's window was simply stupendous. Need to make good use of it though, seeing as we'll be booking in Sunday evening, which is in a little more than 24 hours time. It's only in such circumstances that you really start to treasure the time that you have, yeah? When the time allotted to you can't be measured in days and years, but rather hours, minutes, or even seconds.

Human Being

Being human; a human being. Not an easy task on the best of days; an arduous one on the worst of days.

Forgive others for being human, for all the faults; propensity towards irrationality, greed, and weakness. Forgive me for being human.

But also love others for being human, for the brilliance present in the flawed.

Love me for being human; caught up in the eternal conflict of mere existence, and for struggling to do what I know to be right, when wrong is a much easier alternative.

So. Final post before enlisting I. I thought I'd write something epic; I still have so much more to say; thoughts that passed through my head, once upon a time; with them too fleeting, or me too lazy to snatch them out of the air and ground them in reality. But I realize there's no use grasping at things gone past haha.



My heart's fine, gladly affirmed by that CT scan; the "contrast" is probably still running around my bloodstream, feeling a little light-headed from the effects of the vasodilater; it lowers blood pressure you see, so I shan't post much more than this. Hope to do fine in NS, had a great day today/yesterday, Wicked was damn good, and see you in 3 weeks or so!

I'm going to enlist tomorrow; new (dumb) phone in my pocket, new plastic specs on my head; and old hair (very) noticeably off it. And this blog is going on hiatus.

So it shall be. Que Sera Sera.

 Good stuff (Y) Pity I'll miss the rest due to NS.


Can't say I'm thinking of much right now - a rarity I know xP - so I'll just leave it at that.

Had another phail episode but I shan't post it here :P It's become something of a running gag in my family, though, that's for sure.

Somehow I feel I believe most in the feelings that you find present in yourself after a good few hours of sleep. They seem the most genuine to me haha. There's barely any time for the machinations of the conscious mind to take hold; and they're the products of hours of the subconscious' processing. The mind is fresh, alert and uninhibited. Recently I've started trusting them enough to act on them; at least in that wondrous window of minutes before reality really starts to sink in.

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We passed by some secondhand book sale earlier on. I was kinda reminded of the voracity with which I would dig into books just a few years back. Can't help feeling a little sad that I haven't done that in a long time now; though I think it may partially be cause I've outgrown the genre. (I used to be a huge fantasy buff; loved - and still love - Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time epic series, David Eddings, Terry Brooks, Terry Pratchett; who's got to be my favorite for his satirical take of the genre and so many others) It's a pity though that after so long the plots have blessed together for me; and their respective intricacies are now lost to me; and I really don't have the luxury of going through them once again! Must be almost a hundred (or more) to go through; which I just don't have the time for.. Perhaps that's what retirement's for; though I things go as I think they will, I don't think I'll be retiring anytime in the forseeable future; if at all!

The Descendant seemed pretty flat to me; though perhaps I'm being too reductionistic in critiquing it *shrugs*

Strange but true.

I find myself thinking twice now about composing a post during one of my much criticized early mornings; especially if it's the same day as one of our outings, lest I leave some incriminating evidence - in the form of a timestamp - for those epic phail moments where I can simply sleep right past the appointed time and find myself waking up (reluctantly) to the jarring ringing of my phone and a consternation-laden voice on the other end of the line when I tell its owner that I've "overslept, really sorry about it; I'll be there ASAP".

Evidently my iPhone alarm is absolutely useless at waking me up. It either doesn't last long enough; the snooze function doesn't activate; or I've grown particularly adept at turning it off with my eyes closed while not being in a fully conscious state of mind. That totally embarrassing experience last week - with yifan's Go Green project - stands testament to that.

Well, I'm up on time today; so rejoice! (And it wasn't a particularly easy feat to accomplish either!) I'm delaying setting off a little cause I just know you guys won't be on time so yeah... Watched an amazing spectacle this morning, so I'm freaking elated haha. Not bad for the penultimate match before checking into Hotel Tekong.

As a random aside, my sis "idolizes" me apparently, or so my mum says.. Seems like she wrote something about me in her "This I believe in" essay for school. Oh my.

Haven't been arsed to write for a long time; but I kinda realised that after enlisting, I won't be able to write as much, so I'd better seize the opportunity while it's there. I won't bother to be chronologically precise since that's way too troublesome.

So I went down to SGH; or more accurately, the National Heart Centre there pretty recently to look for my uncle (he's a cardiologist) at my father's insistence for a quick checkup as a precaution before enlisting. Had an echo-cardiogram done. Basically the idea is to use ultrasound to image the heart, so it was really amazing as I could see my heart beating in realtime. It was quite cool to see its actual structure; the bicuspid mitral valve, the tricuspid aortic valve, the atria, ventricles, septum etc versus having seen them in those notes we had to mug for the Biomed symposium. The best part was being able to hear the continuous pounding that sounded kinda wishy-washy-ish while watching the contractions and relaxations and think "Wow, that's my heart there" haha. The thought that it's working (and will be working) independently, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, idk how many weeks a year, etc to keep me alive is quite inspiring in a way. I sometimes wonder whether I have the strength to go on living; but the beat of my heart gives me no doubt about that. Little abnormality that my uncle noticed though was that my coronary arteries seem to be a little dilated (around 1mm more than average for Singaporeans?); apparently they shouldn't be so well-defined on an echo-cardiogram. A little worrying, but I don't think I'll be doing anything to change my PES at this stage.

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CNY, supposed to be a time for joyous reunion (and it was) yet I'm starting to realize that the overwhelming logistics: packaging of ang paos, gifts for the relatives we visit, even making a "schedule" of sorts.... could outweigh the celebratory mood. Had a much more toned down CNY this year; we're pretty much done with all the visiting after the second day (and the "harvest" has been far less bountiful, not that it matters much); but it was no less enjoyable. Quality time with family is nothing to be scoffed at. A slight undertone of sadness though; unavoidable what with things the way they are.

We went to take a look at the new house once more. I kinda like how my room's turning out; though I admittedly won't be spending much time there for at least the next couple of months. We'll have to repaint the house anyway, since alot of hacking of the walls had to be done for the electrical rewiring, so I'm currently toying with some possible colour schemes in my head. Don't really feel like sticking to boring old off-white/beige this time round. Any suggestions? xP

So much to do before enlisting...I really should start packing seriously; though I've made some headway into that by binding my JC Bio notes for easier storage (and to hopefully deter hopeful homeless spiders!). It's such a headache and a little heartaching as well to decide what to throw away and what to bring over. My mum's already discarded my primary school and kindergarten stuff  ><  Lost memories! Stuff that I'll probably never look through, true, but it still hurts nonetheless. (The ironic bit is that she's still keeping her secondary school/uni stuff, which is ancient) I've also got to get around to scanning those documents for NUS...anyone has a scanner available? :/ I should probably start normalizing my sleep cycle as well, but I've got a few early morning games to catch this week, and I need to build up tolerance. Hope I'm not as disappointed as Sunday's one!

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It's strange. You'd think that with the number of days left till I get my freedom severely curtailed in such short supply; I'd want to spend them in the most meaningful manner. Yet I find myself doing the reverse. And I understand, at least a little. I don't want to commit to anything, or enjoy myself too much before going in, lest I miss these days too much. I have heard that we'll be too tired to think about anything though.

My Heart Will Go On

"What is better; to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?"
-Paarthurnax, Skyrim

Something I never cease thinking about.

When you're trapped, and efforts to find a way out seem futile; do you persist in rattling the bars of the cage in hope of finding some weakness, or do you turn your back on them and attempt to make yourself comfortable? 

But then again things aren't so clearcut in real life, are they?

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Yet another fun outing, this time on Monday with Jack, Amos, Merv and Angie to celebrate Jack's birthday! (I think I'm running out of adjectives to describe these things already..another sign of my brain's gradual degeneration I guess; though perhaps that's for the best what with NS coming up and all) The Titanic exhibition at the Art Science __________ at MBS was pretty interesting; it was cool to see all the relics they'd managed to recover from the wreck of the Titanic, almost 4km underwater. I really liked how the setting and outlook of that time period were explained so meticulously, providing a rather poignant background to the sinking of the ship. What was meant to be the crowning glory of a period of optimism set in technological development instead turned out to be a horrific disaster.  I also appreciated the effort put into research with regards to the lives of certain passengers and crew who were aboard the ship; from all the various classes (more on that later). Stories of how little twists in fate; a coal strike, for example, which resulted in other ships being unable to set off; and those passengers rebooking onto the Titanic (super unlucky!) or the Titanic's captain, who'd initially been planning to retire before the Titanic set off, yet reluctantly agreed after persuasion by The Company, and his promise to his family that it'd be the "last time" (he went down with his ship), could change an individual's life irrevocably. Being informed that the disaster could have been averted, if not for human stupidity/hubris: The Titanic being proclaimed "unsinkable" (which was really asking for it, in hindsight) and therefore not requiring enough lifeboats to accommodate all its passengers (they were judged to make the deck appear overly cluttered and therefore unsightly) as well as the lookouts spotting the iceberg all too late because they'd apparently forgot to bring along binoculars for the trip in the haste to set off. We got to see the gulf between the have and have-nots; as seen by the opulence enjoyed by First-Class passengers; fine dishware, great furnishings, separate dining and smoking rooms, and even their own stairway! versus what the rest got; via the artifacts which were painstakingly annotated with "most likely used by first-class passengers"; "seen in second-class bathrooms" etc. Oh, and we noticed, also in this picture that all the guys had the same taste in headwear, apparently. Not sure what that particular style of cap is called, though.

Could kinda appreciate the jobs that historians and their ilk do. To preserve what they can of the past for the future; cause as they said, if nobody did anything about it, the Titanic would become "a rust spot in the ocean in 30-40(?) years time" with nothing to show for it. Though the use of it all is kinda questionable, seeing that humans don't really seem to learn from their past mistakes haha.

Met Amos after that; dawdled as we tried to decide where to have lunch, finally decided upon Astons at Suntec, had our food, played Citadel (yet another interesting cardgame! and our gift to Jack, incidentally) before leaving.

Went to meet SY and Eliz for dinner at Novena after that; but both were late, so I spent my time walking rather aimlessly around the area; looking at stationery at Evergreen, watching TV (in 3D as well) at Harvey Norman before finally having dinner with them and going home.

"If dreams would come true

How happy I'd be!

I dreamed I loved you

And I dreamed you loved me."

Just something random we saw on an ancient postcard; one of the artefacts recovered from some (presumably) leather case at the bottom of the sea. I'm sharing it despite my mini-rant about the dearth of originality...well just because. Call me hypocritical if you will xP

I can't be the only one who thinks "My Heart Will Go On" was the perfect song for Titanic. Not only in the romantic sense; though that's surely there, but I think in terms of the human spirit and daringness to dream, as well! Despite the colossal (I was tempted to use "titanic" here but restrained myself xP) failure of the Titanic, we continued dreaming; even if success at times appeared (and still does appear) so far away in the distance, and well, ended up where we are today.

Morning Sounds

I'm sitting in the living room, planted in front of my laptop, when I suddenly hear a noise; a whisper, it seems, calling "korkor".

"Must be KYan, calling from upstairs; she does that, sometimes, after watching her Running Man on the Ipad late into the night."

So I call out to her. No response...

"Okay...might be a once-off thing, shall go back to listening to my music."

*noise repeats*

"Maybe she's not replying to screw with me.."

*noise repeats at regular intervals for next half min*

"Shit..."

I turn to the right, looking towards the main door, down the dark corridor. Nothing. My eyes then stray across my other sis, sleeping sprawled across one of the rattan chairs, just metres from me. The sound seems to be coming from her vicinity. I pay closer attention. "Chey! Just her snoring..."

Whoops haha.

Oh well. Friday was a pretty good day, despite it being the 13th and all. Sent off my little endeavour, so I'm done with it. Can't help wanting to know how well it was received (or whether it even reached!) though :S

Had to wake up early for work at Safra in the morning, so I was understandably quite tired. Hitched a ride with my dad, and we dropped by our new house in the morning. Seems like we won't be moving in before CNY afterall; not that I wasn't expecting it. Also paid a visit to my cousins who are literally living down the road (we're gonna be neighbours!) who're way more efficient and moved in earlier this month. Then onto work haha.

First 2 sessions (9.30-12; 3.30-5.30) were corporate bookings, the idea is that some companies; in this case the Police and some construction company want to do something new for a corporate function, so pay through the nose for a booking to get to shoot air rifles at some targets. Felt more like customer service than anything else; besides watching out for safety violations; and even then, not interfering unless it was too serious, and doing so in a discreet manner, all I did was count out pellets and distribute cards, dispensing the occasional tip along the way. Not very challenging, nor exciting, to be honest. Though it was pretty amusing to see all of them get so excited over everything; their scores, groupings, size of the hole etc, especially after doing well shooting on a pistol card with a rifle resting on sandbags on the countertop. Some interesting ideas too! Such as inflating balloons, attaching them to targets for them to aim at.



Met Amos for lunch and bowling during the break between the 1st and 2nd sessions, which was a really cool way to burn the time; don't know what I'd have found myself up to otherwise. I had dinner at that same old laksa place; and found myself reminiscing over a bowl of Chng Tng (冷的）; my usual dessert, which complements the laksa perfectly. Times spent, memories made, experiences......experienced.  Went back to Safra, took a nap in the coaching office, was walked in on by some of my juniors (a little awkward) and got ready for the 3rd and last session.

Last session (7.30-9.30) was the one I relished. Got the opportunity to induct a newcomer into the Junior Shooting Programme there, taught him some basics, and basically supervised the training. Most of them are quite obedient; and train seriously, and then there was this one P4 boy who kept complaining about the weight of the gun, shooting anyhow etc. I had some trouble with him cause I'm way too nice to be able to handle problem kids like him (yeah really!) so it was not really gratifying but horribly funny to see how my boss (who's the main coach) dealt with him; chastising him for it being too heavy cause he wasn't doing it properly and so on haha. I'll be in charge next week, though, when she and my coach (her husband) fly back to China for CNY, which I'm quite excited about!

So I ended up working for >6hrs; which kinda made me realize what a tiring job coaching is! HAHA. Can now empathize with how exhausted my coaches must have felt back then, when they had to coach in the morning details, and had to stay focused and alert all the way till 9.30 when the last detail ends. I think it could be a pretty rewarding job, though, and am pretty envious of them; it's good to be able to do something you like, and make a living off of it.

The Blackhole. Sucking hopes, dreams, efforts, aspirations; sucking it all in without the slightest peep.

Had a strange semi-dream early this morning, while sleep eluded me. Had something to do with zombies, apparently, and I've had nothing to do with L4D for quite some time already. Was dumped right amidst the action: Some guy helped me grab ahold of another, allowing me to stab the latter through the heart with a pink chopstick and then him in the neck; perforating his trachea, and him making these hollow whistling sounds through the hole each time he took a breathe. I had to do it, cause he'd been bitten and infected by a zombie, you see. Later in the dream, I ended up making this mutual agreement with another guy to "off" each other, as we'd both gotten infected as well, and didn't like the idea of having to shoot each other in the head. I somehow didn't die, while the other guy was mortally wounded. And a stab to the heart with a chopstick apparently wasn't enough to finish off the earlier guy (chopsticks aren't exactly the most effective of murder weapons, now are they?) who emerged from the toilet and killed me. The End.

Happy Friday the 13th xP