A single day, my weekend cleaved in half by 1x Weekend guard duty, but a day pretty fruitfully spent methinks. I managed to catchup with an old friend (and catch The Amazing Spiderman as well) morning to mid-afternoon, give my boots a pretty decent shine for Monday's parade and dump more than enough books into my new Kindle Touch to last me through the week.
I've probably got alot to think about, what with things developing as fast as they are, but perhaps the best thing now is to simply keep my head down and focus on one thing at a time, to take them as they come and finish them off with aplomb.
That's all I have time for, unfortunately, so till next week~
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Each day it seems like I lose a little bit of myself, and gain something different in return. A multitude of changes, stacking up imperceptibly, but definitively. Am I who I was a week ago? A month ago? And is that for better or for worse? I'll never know.
"You'll never know" - hauntingly memorable last words.
The past week passed in deep slumber for me, nothing quite registering, events skipping across the waters of my consciousness. It's not that I distanced myself from them, or wasn't involved, or that I found them boring, but that I simply found myself strangely out of it, a little bereft of the motivation and "on-ness" I'd tapped on in SCS. I think I'm still in the process of adjusting; I don't hate ETI, but really miss the bunk environment I enjoyed with the guys in Bravo.
Amidst all this I count my blessings; that I've got the guys who came over with me, and who unquestioningly and unhesitatingly offer me their assistance and support, especially since I'm the store IC for my platoon (stores are the bread and butter of engineers, in case you were wondering) and still not-100%-clear as to which stores go where. Managing a whole platoon of guys who are somewhat reluctant to burn their admin time to do stores can be intimidating, and I could sense them getting quite impatient while I needed to clarify some things with the sergeants. The reassurance that I could count on them no matter what (of course without taking advantage of them) was a much appreciated source of strength for me, and allowed me to be strong myself, despite constantly being the last man up at the end of each session, having to account for everything, tying up the various loose ends and returning the store keys. And sometimes it simply feels good to sit down for meals with the same few familiar faces, be it engaging in the same old banter and mutual whining or consuming our food in silence. Old company enjoyed in a new one.
I think it's good to have friends who both need you and whom you need. Perhaps not the most eloquent way to phrase it, but what the heck. They give you strength with their presence and simultaneously you become strong to give them strength as well.
In a week thoroughly drowned, dampened, battered under, murdered and quenched by a couple of tests and a series of horribly dry and dreary lectures, the demolition live firing was certainly a high point. We'd had to prepare the stores the night before, and reveille at 3.30 to set off as my detail was the ammo party and had to load up to the ammo tonner to collect the demolitions materials from the ammo dump. Groggy were we, dozing off at practically every opportunity, heads lolling around, exaggerated by the weight of our helmets, till it was time to perform our duties. Well let's skip straight to the live-firing, shall we? I'd initially been pretty tense about having to handle the explosives, especially after learning about their destructive power; and having thoroughly mugged the various safety radii and other specs, but it turned out to be nothing much after all. A block 3 charge is just this light brown plastic block, just 0.5kg, which looks pretty nondescript. We just stuck in the det cord and that was it. The rod of PE was even funnier; softer than playdough, and pretty fun to mould and "play" around with, save being able to feel the crystals of explosive in its texture. Wrap it around the det cord and we were done. I was lucky enough to be the firer, so I got to prepare the I-chain, prime the charge, and set off the ignitor on command, shouting "IGNITED" and counting off while running for my life, pushed along by Staff Alfred as we ran uphill to the coverpoint. And I continued counting..and counting...and counting...fifty thousand...sixty thousand...seventy thousand...upon which the charges detonated, one bay after the other. I thought the matador was a big deal, that the M203 was pretty cool, but they're nothing compared to the blast effect of actual explosives lol. Even under cover, the blast effect can be felt rippling through the air, and it actually felt more intense back at the training shed, further from the firing point; shaking the whiteboard there. It's verrrryy shiok.
Well, I think there should be a meaningful conclusion to this post but nothing really comes to mind, so I'll just leave it as such. Awesome Germany vs Greece match I caught awhile ago, albeit wholly one-sided.
"You'll never know" - hauntingly memorable last words.
The past week passed in deep slumber for me, nothing quite registering, events skipping across the waters of my consciousness. It's not that I distanced myself from them, or wasn't involved, or that I found them boring, but that I simply found myself strangely out of it, a little bereft of the motivation and "on-ness" I'd tapped on in SCS. I think I'm still in the process of adjusting; I don't hate ETI, but really miss the bunk environment I enjoyed with the guys in Bravo.
Amidst all this I count my blessings; that I've got the guys who came over with me, and who unquestioningly and unhesitatingly offer me their assistance and support, especially since I'm the store IC for my platoon (stores are the bread and butter of engineers, in case you were wondering) and still not-100%-clear as to which stores go where. Managing a whole platoon of guys who are somewhat reluctant to burn their admin time to do stores can be intimidating, and I could sense them getting quite impatient while I needed to clarify some things with the sergeants. The reassurance that I could count on them no matter what (of course without taking advantage of them) was a much appreciated source of strength for me, and allowed me to be strong myself, despite constantly being the last man up at the end of each session, having to account for everything, tying up the various loose ends and returning the store keys. And sometimes it simply feels good to sit down for meals with the same few familiar faces, be it engaging in the same old banter and mutual whining or consuming our food in silence. Old company enjoyed in a new one.
I think it's good to have friends who both need you and whom you need. Perhaps not the most eloquent way to phrase it, but what the heck. They give you strength with their presence and simultaneously you become strong to give them strength as well.
In a week thoroughly drowned, dampened, battered under, murdered and quenched by a couple of tests and a series of horribly dry and dreary lectures, the demolition live firing was certainly a high point. We'd had to prepare the stores the night before, and reveille at 3.30 to set off as my detail was the ammo party and had to load up to the ammo tonner to collect the demolitions materials from the ammo dump. Groggy were we, dozing off at practically every opportunity, heads lolling around, exaggerated by the weight of our helmets, till it was time to perform our duties. Well let's skip straight to the live-firing, shall we? I'd initially been pretty tense about having to handle the explosives, especially after learning about their destructive power; and having thoroughly mugged the various safety radii and other specs, but it turned out to be nothing much after all. A block 3 charge is just this light brown plastic block, just 0.5kg, which looks pretty nondescript. We just stuck in the det cord and that was it. The rod of PE was even funnier; softer than playdough, and pretty fun to mould and "play" around with, save being able to feel the crystals of explosive in its texture. Wrap it around the det cord and we were done. I was lucky enough to be the firer, so I got to prepare the I-chain, prime the charge, and set off the ignitor on command, shouting "IGNITED" and counting off while running for my life, pushed along by Staff Alfred as we ran uphill to the coverpoint. And I continued counting..and counting...and counting...fifty thousand...sixty thousand...seventy thousand...upon which the charges detonated, one bay after the other. I thought the matador was a big deal, that the M203 was pretty cool, but they're nothing compared to the blast effect of actual explosives lol. Even under cover, the blast effect can be felt rippling through the air, and it actually felt more intense back at the training shed, further from the firing point; shaking the whiteboard there. It's verrrryy shiok.
Well, I think there should be a meaningful conclusion to this post but nothing really comes to mind, so I'll just leave it as such. Awesome Germany vs Greece match I caught awhile ago, albeit wholly one-sided.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Just kill me now.
Argh, a well-documented depression known as the "post SCS depression" has afflicted much of us engineer-commanders-to-be in the ETI. Regimentation on the level of BMT, while understandable on a logical level, will take some adjusting too, especially after being spoiled by the degree of freedom we'd been given during our foundation term. Activities were very packed, had ALOT to do over the first 3 days of the course, and we're still at week 0, 13 more weeks to go. I really don't know. Sometimes I feel things are very screwed up, want to scream out loud, and whine incessantly to someone, but I really can't allow myself to do so. I think some of the others are feeling it worse than me, and while we do find some solace in commiseration, there's kind of an obligation to put a positive spin on things, attempt to be optimistic, try to offer some support :S Can't really tell it to my family as well, don't want to make them worry when they have other more pressing concerns, and it's not a feeling that I can articulate well too; things haven't really been that bad, so I don't want to sound like a whiner haha.
The feeling was most acute late last night, as I sat in front of my laptop, tired, staring at the slides to be tested on, slides which they hadn't gone through, and were well..not that well done up to say the least, trying to absorb the list of facts being spammed, safety distances, etc that were plain memory work, and being unable to retain anything in my brain. Felt even worse than mugging for the As..at least then, things made sense.
Some positives though, but I shan't elaborate on them since I'm not done with my mugging yet. Cheerios.
Expect post frequency to decrease dramatically (but who reads this anyway, eh? :P) due to lack of time and energy, and also because we no longer have laptops/internet access in the awesome ETI, as LEARNet hasn't been rolled out to us yet, a little ironic how much the loss is felt, especially since so many of us were hammering LEARNet for it's uselessness in BMT and SCS. And besides, I think I've been drained of the ability to make semi-insightful posts, so it's no great loss there!
Argh, a well-documented depression known as the "post SCS depression" has afflicted much of us engineer-commanders-to-be in the ETI. Regimentation on the level of BMT, while understandable on a logical level, will take some adjusting too, especially after being spoiled by the degree of freedom we'd been given during our foundation term. Activities were very packed, had ALOT to do over the first 3 days of the course, and we're still at week 0, 13 more weeks to go. I really don't know. Sometimes I feel things are very screwed up, want to scream out loud, and whine incessantly to someone, but I really can't allow myself to do so. I think some of the others are feeling it worse than me, and while we do find some solace in commiseration, there's kind of an obligation to put a positive spin on things, attempt to be optimistic, try to offer some support :S Can't really tell it to my family as well, don't want to make them worry when they have other more pressing concerns, and it's not a feeling that I can articulate well too; things haven't really been that bad, so I don't want to sound like a whiner haha.
The feeling was most acute late last night, as I sat in front of my laptop, tired, staring at the slides to be tested on, slides which they hadn't gone through, and were well..not that well done up to say the least, trying to absorb the list of facts being spammed, safety distances, etc that were plain memory work, and being unable to retain anything in my brain. Felt even worse than mugging for the As..at least then, things made sense.
Some positives though, but I shan't elaborate on them since I'm not done with my mugging yet. Cheerios.
Expect post frequency to decrease dramatically (but who reads this anyway, eh? :P) due to lack of time and energy, and also because we no longer have laptops/internet access in the awesome ETI, as LEARNet hasn't been rolled out to us yet, a little ironic how much the loss is felt, especially since so many of us were hammering LEARNet for it's uselessness in BMT and SCS. And besides, I think I've been drained of the ability to make semi-insightful posts, so it's no great loss there!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Things will never be the same
Didn't know that it would hit me so hard; a physical manifestation, a gnawing at my heart. Hugging the guys who'd gotten posted to infantry and when they had left, feeling the emptiness of the bunk, bedsheets, pillowcases, blankets removed, all personal artefacts packed up into hulking fieldpacks, ginormous duffels. An indescribable sense of loss. Strange how strong those ties built up over 8 weeks of near constant companionship had become, talking cock, singing song, sleeping, eating together, going outfield, doing pt and other random shit together, spending a whole lot more time with them than I have with my family. Or perhaps I'd come to identify too strongly with the feeling of being in a section, and gradually growing to identify myself as such, such that the breaking up of the section as we each received our own postings was immensely heartbreaking. I'll miss you guys, we spent 24 hours for at least 5 days a week together over the course of 8 weeks, almost a thousand in total, and they were pretty enjoyable ones at that, no matter how much we'd complain or comment about his behaviour or other stuff like that. I teared up, even needing Ying Hui to come over to comfort me :/
Well I'm over that, and alot of them are joining me over at the ETI, so things aren't too bad, and we've gotta move forwards, anyway, right? Just hope I don't end up on bomb disposal or CMRE haha
Well I'm over that, and alot of them are joining me over at the ETI, so things aren't too bad, and we've gotta move forwards, anyway, right? Just hope I don't end up on bomb disposal or CMRE haha
Friday, June 8, 2012
Farewell Bravo~
Last post from this particular laptop as a member of Bravo Coy. I'm nursing a particularly bad bout of running nose so I'll keep this short. The 8 weeks passed really fast, without much time to comprehend what has happened over this period of time. I've managed to do more than in Bronco I think, mostly over the last couple of weeks, where I've been the LSC and LPS. I've made more than a few new friends; possibly closer to them than my BMTC section, and we've had some pretty interesting experiences together. I've come to accept the more unsavory aspects of human nature, mostly selfishness and unwillingness to help out, and I've been guilty of that as well, though I do try to contribute, above and beyond my minimal obligations. I've also discovered the more unpleasant side of my personality; a tendency to get testy with my responses when caught in a bad moment; or at the limits of my tolerance. I've found that I can tahan alot of things though, and that is pretty encouraging. I've learned that the best way to lead and influence (for me at least) is by example, by leading the way, doing it myself first. Morale highground, you know ;) and yet I've also realized that one can't do everything alone, and if you persist in doing so, you only make yourself bitter, angry and frustrated. Best is to encourage and foster participation, while getting yourself involved as well; although coorperation may be grudgingly given, you still get things done, and build up some cohesiveness too. Respect other's opinions, for they may be correct, and you'll earn their respect for doing so as well.
In all, I guess I learnt that I'm not as utterly hopeless as I'd initially thought, yet it's something that I have to put alot more work into, to build up my confidence and awareness in so many ways, and I'm really quite fortunate that I have so many people around me that I can look to for both positive and negative examples hahaha.
Keeping my fingers crossed for a good posting!
-SCT CHRISTOPHER TEOW KANG JUN 2113 BRAVO COY
Bravo's been awesome, more than I could have possibly hoped for :)
In all, I guess I learnt that I'm not as utterly hopeless as I'd initially thought, yet it's something that I have to put alot more work into, to build up my confidence and awareness in so many ways, and I'm really quite fortunate that I have so many people around me that I can look to for both positive and negative examples hahaha.
Keeping my fingers crossed for a good posting!
-SCT CHRISTOPHER TEOW KANG JUN 2113 BRAVO COY
Bravo's been awesome, more than I could have possibly hoped for :)
Monday, June 4, 2012
Carpe Diem
For what does time slither by, so insidiously, to no avail? For whom does it do so?
The birth and death of the Sun means nothing, to those who look upon the world through deadfish eyes. Stagnant they are, to them, nothing moves, the seasons mere annoyances to contend with, calendars but desktop paperweights to chalk and murder the passage of time.
The rebirth of the sun, the rise of the full moon, is for those with wonder in their eyes and see opportunity in the turn of the day. They have a goal, and each day passes with bated breathe, controlled excitement; as the attainment of it draws closer.
This wasn't intended to be an optimistic post, though. Was merely reflecting on how things sometimes seem so meaningless, and wondering, how I could get myself out of this rut, to put some life into my eyes, passion into my step and imbue my actions with purpose and meaning. Sometimes I think we're too jaded; made to grow up too fast that all semblance of youthful vigour has been stripped away.
But it doesn't have to be that way.
It doesn't.
The birth and death of the Sun means nothing, to those who look upon the world through deadfish eyes. Stagnant they are, to them, nothing moves, the seasons mere annoyances to contend with, calendars but desktop paperweights to chalk and murder the passage of time.
The rebirth of the sun, the rise of the full moon, is for those with wonder in their eyes and see opportunity in the turn of the day. They have a goal, and each day passes with bated breathe, controlled excitement; as the attainment of it draws closer.
This wasn't intended to be an optimistic post, though. Was merely reflecting on how things sometimes seem so meaningless, and wondering, how I could get myself out of this rut, to put some life into my eyes, passion into my step and imbue my actions with purpose and meaning. Sometimes I think we're too jaded; made to grow up too fast that all semblance of youthful vigour has been stripped away.
But it doesn't have to be that way.
It doesn't.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Being serious about something. Perhaps being mature and serious about it means not doing it the way you would do it; or maybe not being so lax that you do it any which way, with the excuse that that's simply the way you are, and rather doing it in the way that will allow you to accomplish it successfully. It's very easy to go around condemning people for not being true to themselves, while perhaps they should be commended for wanting it so much, being so serious about it that they're willing to put that extra effort into being something that they're not, just so that they can get it. Eh?
Not quite my style, but perhaps I should steer away from my undeniably stupid policy of almost-full disclosure and try to incorporate just a little guile and finesse into my future endeavors. They don't want to see the mental conflict and anguish resolved over the course of one page of words, what they want to see is simply what is so appealing about you. KISS
Not quite my style, but perhaps I should steer away from my undeniably stupid policy of almost-full disclosure and try to incorporate just a little guile and finesse into my future endeavors. They don't want to see the mental conflict and anguish resolved over the course of one page of words, what they want to see is simply what is so appealing about you. KISS
We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.
-Galway Kinnell
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