That which is not

Living the life that is not; and will not be, unless I do something to change it.

I'm a little too cynical at present, to believe that happiness will come knocking if I sit there waving lazily at it. Yet it remains pretty elusive despite attempts to pursue it.

Or perhaps, rather than pursuing a happiness which is not my own, I'd better get to finding mine, somehow.

I'm tired. More mentally and spiritually than physically, though the lack of sleep hasn't been helping.

Made some "cupcakes" with my sisters today. Note I used the "" cause some were pretty bad, what with misinterpreting tbsp as teaspoon and ending up putting too little baking soda so the first batch didn't rise much. (T'was entirely my sis' fault, since I only helped with the mixing and pouring into those moulds) She was trying to go for the rainbow-colored effect, but the dye colours were just...odd.. Something must have been wrong with them cause I had some indigestion not long after eating them, not to mention the odd smell :S You know those martial arts films where the OP protagonist takes the barest whiffs of something odd in his tea and proceeds to fling it onto the floor, where it immediately 'transforms' into this caustic mixture that sends off clouds of smoke? Well, to put it simply, I wouldn't survive a minute in such shows X.X no matter how dubious looking/smelling the food is, I'd more often than not, wolf it down, albeit a little reluctantly sometimes, in order to not waste it..

Note to self: Bio really isn't finishable within 2 days, try harder next time

Going on hiatus till the CTs end. (I've always wanted to use that phrase, kinda makes it seem like I'm some bigshot xP)

Now, for some final bit of self-deception/confidence-boosting depending on how you look at it: You can do it! No problem.

Time is getting distorted. Probably the late nights and late mornings ( i.e. I tend to simply sleep through them nowadays) colluding to do my body's biological clock in. The perpetual lighting isn't helping either.. Curse my sister who can't sleep without the light on. Heh, so my sleep cycle's totally out of whack, which I'm trying to gradually rectify and recalibrate before the CTs start.

Sometimes, I find resentment bubbling up uncontrollably within myself, and I become overly critical. I find myself resolving to make sure that I don't make those same mistakes; that my kids next time (assuming I have any) don't have to experience the same thing, and are better brought up. At these times, I find it necessary to remind myself, that my emotional baggage is my own, and to be sure not to transfer it, either in large or small amounts, through my actions to them. Cause each person has to find their own baggage to carry and bear, and we do have enough difficulty without the additional weight of our predecessors' ain't that right? XP

Kinda reminds me of what I was doing as I wrote the farewell notes for my juniors. At first, I was planning to laden them with the hope I had for them, in bettering the failings of our batch, in entrusting them with the responsibility of leading the club, etc. But I realized, as I said above, that they'd find their own way; forcing and thrusting such a burden which they already know and accept upon them would simply be unnecessary.

Guidance is important, true, but space to develop those individual traits, unhindered can be even more so.

Reminder to self: DON'T DO TOO MUCH UNNECESSARY STUFF, CHRIS! I'd hate it if people started to dislike me because of that >.<  

But then again, a prod now and then may be necessary. Life's grey areas do get irritating after awhile, especially for a socially inept person like myself. Moment of epic fail: I was trying to order some Kaya & Butter Toast at Clementi Mall before going for a Financial Management Talk (which was quite phail btw) and apparently didn't speak up enough. After giving me a confused look, the lady reached for this canned drink or whatever and I had to hastily correct her. Then she was like: "OH! 面包!" And I felt like disappearing right then. So embarrassing...

Recalled once again that what concerns us most currently may mean nothing at all to us in the future, perhaps even mere months, weeks, days(?) down the road. Is this maturity, I wonder? Or perhaps it's due to our innate human short-sightedness that can't see anything beyond the tip of our respective noses. And since nobody's Pinocchio (that'd make lies too easy to detect, now wouldn't it?), that's not far at all. Who knows?

But then again, some concerns are eternal. And those, my friend(s), are those which truly matter, not those transient ones which merely seem all-consuming cause we're too foolish to take that single step back and see it in its pathetic entirety.

Heh, a friend shared this with me what seems now to be a long, long time ago (1 year out of my not-quite-18 ain't that insignificant, right?)so it's not an exact quote, but I've got the essence down, I think: We talk now about our "past" as if we were jaded cynics, aged beyond our years, but the ironic thing is that a few years down on the road, we'll most likely be looking back on ourselves now and wondering at just how naive we were. Not to mention a few more years beyond that...

I think you get it. It's all a matter of perspective, I guess. Why am I bringing this up? I really have no idea at all (That's a lie). Perhaps it's because; once you find it in yourself to rise above the present to embrace who you were, who you'll be; embrace "yourself" in it's entirety, then maybe you'll be able to rise above yourself, and any past, present, future stress you may be facing/will face/whatever. Then may be we won't have people who 看不开 and sadly，do something which they won't live to regret. Just maybe.

I just want to put this link here, it's an article by a regular Cracked columnist who's more serious than most of the others. I like what it says, he makes sense, he's a much better writer than I'll ever be, and, most importantly, he has the experience (unless he's one of those elaborately created online personas; which I highly doubt), which is more that what a mere not-quite-18 year old such as myself can attest to. Give it a read, cause life will get better.

I need a more favorable gauge of my degree of screwed-ness. Currently I'd have to convert it into the log scale in order to visualize what I have managed to cover against the mountain of what's actually left. That's probably one of the reasons why I've steadfastly refused to post anything about my progress with mugging up till now. Avoidance FTW.


Well, to be more positive, let's talk about something I've learnt these past few weeks of "hols". Sadly, the lesson wasn't experienced firsthand, but rather what I've observed from my brother. I know I don't talk bout my family much, so I'll excuse the surprise (if any). Well basically, it's that there are no real boundaries to what we can do in this world. Or maybe I should add the following qualifier, to avoid damaging people's pride and sensibilities: I, at least where I am currently, am far from pushing my limits; that is to say, to use an econs analogy; that I'm not even operating on the intermediate range of that AS curve, there is still a shitload of spare capacity left to exploit.

So it really makes me feel that in most cases, (for me at least), the bars that appear to keep me in aren't made of iron and steel, not to mention cuendillar. In fact, they don't even exist at all. Rather, it is the lack of willingness that does me in; the alluring temptation of a warm hearth and good food (metaphorically speaking) that draws me in. So yeah, comfort zone, you get it, I guess. And sometimes, I lay the blame on my parents, for being too restrictive at times, being constant worrywarts and not being responsive to my desire to be independent. And I guess it's true, to a certain extent. However, I can't blame them for parenting as they best know, right? And to be honest, my brother's been a bit of an inspiration to me - it's a little embarrassing to admit, mind you, I am supposed to be the elder one afterall -with the outgoing-ness, being able to just arrange something with friends and just going ahead with it without sweating all the small stuff (though that part may be simply attributed to our respective personalities) and most overbearingly,  the effort he puts in to change the status quo. Cause he wasn't like this just a few months ago. He was unmotivated, a layabout, etc, not really positive attributes, don't you think? He made good use of the transition to JC to change those things; imagine, if you will, something on the order of what you type in your list of New Year's Resolutions (if you're into that kind of thing); yeah, he's managed to do it. Heh, I guess if you read this, you could treat this as an weak-minded older brother's inferiority complex, but that'd be missing the point =)

I'll try to change, but in my own quiet way, since I've long since realized that those loud open declarations don't really work.

New aspiration: Cracked.com writer, or at least, to give it a shot :)

Waiting for the blood moon to rise, so I might as well, though I do ask myself why I'm not mugging, a nagging question that's been at the back of my head for much of the day.

I went for a proper run this evening; jogged down to the stadium and started running laps. It's pretty telling of my physical condition that I could only run 1.2 (I'll leave you to guess whether it's km or rounds) continuously and had to walk 1 round at least. The funny thing was that my legs felt perfectly fine, only my heart and lungs were having difficulty holding out. Heh but I had my worst cramps ever afterwards, when I jumped up to reach the pullup bar. My feet dangled and the calf muscles on both legs spontaneously cramped up, forcing me to stand on tiptoe for awhile before I managed to force myself to stand properly in order to stretch the muscle. Oww. Idk whether I'll be able to run tomorrow.

The most insidious lies aren't those you tell other people, but those you tell to yourself.  Now, I could just leave that line there and move on, but I have this horrible penchant for over-elaboration, which does tend to ruin the simplistic beauty of a single line. A pity... Well, moving on:


I've been reading this book: On and off the past few weeks, and it does tend to give one certain ideas. Now, I'm not even halfway through the book, and looking at the chapter titles, I think these ideas may be in the latter part, but I just wanna throw them out first, to see whether they change after reading that portion. 


So, going back to that first line: The most insidious lies aren't those you tell other people, but those you tell to yourself. The classic knee-jerk response of most when they realize they've been lied to is mistrust. (Note that my use of "most" here may be holly inaccurate. In fact, it may even be intentionally inaccurate, with the intent of imbuing you, the reader with a sense of superiority, of being above the masses, and hence endearing myself to you. Go figure.) Those of more questioning inclinations may ask why the lie was told: was it a white lie? to gain some sort of personal benefit? for the greater good? was it with malicious intent? etc. The possible reasons are endless, it seems. But it is undeniable, with a culture that salutes honesty (on the most basic level, at least) that lying to another member of society is generally frowned upon. Why then, do I say that below such lies lie (pardon the pun) a lower level of lies, i.e. those which you tell yourself?

Well, I'm not sure how to put it, actually, it seems quite intuitive to me, but just try seeing it this way: It's one thing to cheat/lie to the rest of the world, but quite another to extend the veil of deception over yourself as well, right? Belligerently telling yourself that it doesn't matter to you, when it really does; that you don't care, when you actually do. Even worse are the promises that you make to yourself, which you fail to keep. To put it simply, when you lie to yourself, when you fail yourself, you lose something. It's not something that's readily quantifiable, but if I had to put it into words, I guess I'd say that it erodes your self-confidence. Not only that; lies can't mask the truth forever, no? You may be able to get by, floating blissfully in that bubble of self-deceit, but the truth has a tendency of intruding at the most inopportune of moments. And all that awaits, is a long, hard fall. I still remember this episode of Singapore Idol a few seasons back (I forget how many), when we were still chasing the American Idol craze that really left me with a vivid impression. One of the idol hopefuls (and I mean this in the loosest sense of the word) was this girl, she couldn't sing, couldn't dance, and was attempting some easily forgettable song. It seemed like a parody. She was rebuffed by the judge, harshly, and broke down. I recall myself wondering how she couldn't have known that that was the only possible outcome; didn't her friends say anything to her? And mustn't she have known, on some level, exactly how good she was?

Heh, but of course, if you take another slant, look at it from another angle (there seem to be an infinite amount of them, these days) You could see such "lies" as personal motivation, to put in actual effort to turn the lie into reality.

Well, it's almost 4, and I'm admittedly losing steam, having had to play hide-and-seek with the eclipsing moon that finally disappeared behind the screen of clouds for good, and having my spirits dampened when aforesaid clouds unleashed a downpour that'd been building up for the better of the evening, sending my family scurrying indoors, so I'll cease the spammage here. (Or I could always save the post and come back to it another day, but it requires a certain mood, y'know, and I find that once I set things aside, I tend to take awhile before re-embarking on them, on the rare occasions that I do. My backlog of unpublished drafts holds testament to that)

Darn it, Bleach isn't out yet. One of the reasons why I'd like to take up Japanese after the A's, then I could volunteer in a scanlating team and get first access to those raws :D /Otaku

Space is a very important thing, methinks. The phrase "Too close for comfort" didn't spring fully-formed out of nowhere, now did it? There's a beauty to space, something that's more than aesthetically pleasing, something that's emotionally calming, perhaps. Time stretches, while at the same time, it's so limited, insufficient. And I find that in the face of this "Time", the will to reach out, to spend more than the most rudimentary of efforts to pull it off is much diminished. It's as if I'm shedding arms, legs, feet, and just continuing on this trajectory in this flow, alone, come what may. It's not a lonely feeling. It's quite surreal, actually. Kind of like floating, unimpeded through a thin mist of events.

I have some awesome juniors, I'm proud to say. They gave us an awesome farewell on Saturday, though it was a little unplanned, and the rain kind of dampened (get it? XD) our plans at ECP. (Kind of makes me wonder why it's so hard to get our class to do anything together, really. Is there really a need for meticulous planning and all before we can get something going? It's all a lack of willingness I guess...) I got dunked in the sea for the first time ever, and believe me, I did my best to resist it; but there's only so much one guy can do against three >.< Also swam in the sea a little, so that's something to strike off my list of "I have never". Some beach captain's ball after that, which involved lots of sand spraying everywhere, with the sucky thing being that even if sand gets into your eyes, there's just no way to wipe it off since your hands, your clothes, everything is covered with this gritty layer of sand that just sticks to you.

Something which I was quite touched by was that besides the usual notes and cards, they also got those model gun sets made out of wood and spent the effort to put them together for us. Quite a bit of effort put into it.

Well, it was fun, and I appreciated their company, but just a little food for thought. Just take it as something totally independent if you want to. I'm just wondering, and have been wondering for a long time now; at what point do things cross over from social to personal. When do you actually disembark from the social level of interactions, from simply mingling within the same social circle to a more personal level?  I know that this question probably just amounts to grasping at thin air, a little futile; perhaps revealing of how unschooled I am at such interactions, if you are inclined to go into meta-analysis, however, I feel that it bears asking nonetheless. It's quite crucial, don't you think? To minimize vulnerabilities from misunderstandings and so on. Of course, I don't normally think about these kinds of stuff as I go about everyday life, meeting with others; it'd be pretty scary, not to mention practically two-faced if I did.

Or perhaps I'm barking up the wrong tree. Maybe there aren't any personal interactions at all. But that's a particularly horrific thought that doesn't bear thinking.

Just something quick to get me in the appropriate mood to write farewell notes for my juniors.

I just spent some time typing out the points/ideas Jack, Amos and I came up with for our NEFMQ submission, and I kinda realize the main problem I have with econs essays (or essays in general, I guess): I'm unable to stick to that one line of thought consistently and maintain a single coherent thread of argument throughout. Whenever I write, I find the ideas a little disjointed; the points are there, I just don't have to foggiest idea of how I should string them together, especially when there are so many ideas just positively clamoring to be let loose. I'm constantly faced with a dilemma: To just let loose and end up vomiting over the whole thing and ending up with well...a pool of acidic vomit I guess (I never claimed to be poetic with my metaphors, now did I?) or at the other end of the spectrum, to clamp down too tightly and end up with writer's block. It's only on the rare occasion that I manage to attain that absolutely perfect balance of control and every thing just flows smoothly; from head to paper, and it's just magic. 

Heh, I know this sounds pretty pedo but I'll say it anyway: I absolutely love little kids :D Yes, they can be horribly self-centered at times, or absolutely clingy at others but they're just so cute lol. That boundless energy is just refreshing and is reminiscent of those Primary School days when we could just run around madly, not fearing anything, never feeling tired. Rather that consuming our youth as a novel source of food, I humbly suggest that we immediately get to work on researching means by which we can tap upon that seemingly limitless energy as a renewable energy source. Imagine; one housing unit powered by a single child, with the trifling input of food, water, toys; nothing we don't already provide them with, surely. The houses of the future won't be powered by wind or solar energy, but by the single most prevalent product in EVERY nation worldwide; kids? Low fertility rates? What further incentive would be needed but Baby Power? XP

On a more serious note, the joint-house CIP today was a pretty enjoyable experience. I know it was meant to be for the enjoyment of the kids, but heck, I had a fun time as well! We were told not to get too close to our buddies as we'd only be with them that one time, and to just take good care of them, make sure they have fun. But when you see earnest, innocent faces like theirs' you just can't help it, really :) It was really tiring chasing Shi Jun around, especially since he was so energetic but it was a pretty fulfilling experience to see him having so much fun. And when the Frisbee facilitators were fan-boying over his throwing skills, I couldn't help but feel a little proud myself. All in all, a good experience; I realized I'm not that bad at taking care of people as well! The only sad part was when we had to bid our buddies farewell. They weren't really that sad, cause I don't think they fully realize that we likely won't be seeing each other ever again. But it gave me a really wistful feeling, kinda makes you think about encounters with the more significant people in our lives; and how we may have to part, sometime, for some reason or other.

Made some new friends as well. Haha randomly, P.School kids have the lamest of jokes.
Shi Jun: Why is an octopus very smelly?
Me: Haha, I don't know, why?
Shi Jun: Because it has 8 armpits! HAHAHAHA
Me: =.=

Yup, I've spent enough time here, time to get those notes written.
 

The Law of Equivalent Exchange (FMA): You can't gain something unless you lose something of equivalent value first.

Well, I don't really relish the idea of using human souls, not to mention I don't have a Philosopher's Stone on hand, so that's completely out of the question. I'm not sure bout the exact value but I'll give up Dota (I've won practically every game this week; pub stomping is getting a little boring), re-reading manga and my afternoon naps to expedite the mugging. Can't really bring myself to give up Cracked and those that I'm currently following, so this'll have to do. I just hope I'm not too late.

CIP tomorrow, kinda looking forward to it.

One week into the hols, and I feel my brain steadily dying. Perhaps its from the lack of stimulus lately, life seems to be in the doldrums. Lately I find myself devoid of energy, this sian feeling taking over my body - which isn't entirely due to the mugging, I'm sure -  and at night, even when I decide to cut a night of aimless vegetating in front of my computer short and go to bed, I end up staring at the ceiling fan, watching it whirl around, much like the thoughts going through my head, despite my best efforts to clear it.

Things used to be so easy: Just one push of the button and everything's just flushed down the toilet bowl (an unfortunately created mental association which was part of this "trick" I had to clear my head when I shoot)

But it's so much harder now. Things that have to be dealt with cautiously, because one misplaced word could ruin the whole magic that keeps things going. Much like how in those cartoons that used to air when I was a kid; Wile E. Coyote simply runs off a cliff and keeps going through the air till he finally notices the improbability of the situation and gravity gleefully reaches for him, urging him to keep his date with the ground.

Diagrammatic illustrations FTW

To point out the inconsistencies would be to invite discord. So I hold my mouth, looking for the words, looking to be tactful, looking to say WHATEVER except the very words that are on the tip of my tongue. Cause I know that once I let them tumble from my mouth, there's no going back. In Econs, and in common sense, even, we have cost - benefit analyses, and I feel, that in this case, the costs surely outweigh the benefits of getting it off my chest. It's probably naive of me to think that I'll be able to keep holding them back, but I see no other choice.

Heh, just a random thought: Being open is really easier than keeping things to yourself. With the latter, you're bearing the burden all by yourself, while with the former you get to foist it off on your perhaps unwilling victims. Hopefully you can see, that with this line of argument, or at least the phrasing (read into the nuances people!), I'm leaning towards the latter as the less selfish option. Others have their own problems, so though I have a propensity to bitch, I'd rather not add onto them.

We had this compre for GP that talked about a "confessional culture" among today's youth, and I kinda agree with that observation. The prevailing view seems to be that if you don't share much of yourself, you're not being authentic, not serious about making friends. It seems that in our haste to develop relationships, we mistake the "symptoms" (knowing intimate details about each other etc.) of close relationships for the "cause" so to speak and feel that by sharing a multitude of such  pieces of information, a relationship will necessarily deepen. Not quite a social malaise but it has this effect of crowding out "authentic" relationships. Not to mention it gets progressively harder to differentiate between someone who listens because they genuinely care and one who listens cause of social etiquette.

I just thought I'd better say something to offset the coldly calculating tone I tend to adopt, but I don't really know what to say.. I don't doubt that there are those who are genuine at heart, and am proud to count them among my friends. Well, obviously one would tend to think that of their own group of friends but whatever, I don't feel inclined to push the point. Now that I've got my bases secured, I'm off!

I saw a paper boat lying in the grass today on my way back, having taken a 30 min long detour. I find it kinda cool that there's someone out there other than me, who likes to fold paper boats out of random scraps of paper. Doing such small things gives me joy, I guess I've been influenced in part by Orson Scott Card's "The Tales of Alvin Maker" series; the idea of holding back the "Unmaker", the force of chaos, destruction et al, through the small actions of individuals, each creating a little order, a little something special out of the most mundane stuff; I found the idea really appealing and it stuck to me.

I'd like to share one quote which I came across today/yesterday (does it even matter?). It's been attributed to Goethe but some other sources say otherwise, so I won't be putting down the source. Here it is:

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now."

 Blind optimism, or true wisdom? Cynics may believe in the former; but as I am, I'd rather go with the latter, thank you very much. Wisdom because beyond Luck and Providence paving the way once one decides to commit, I believe that through the very act of committing fully, of denying oneself any backup plans and alternatives, the motivation and drive to succeed will be that much stronger, and the likelihood of achieving success will thus be that much higher. Logically speaking, burning bridges, so to speak, is akin to committing suicide. We are constantly cautioned to keep our options open, and scoff at the foolishness of those who work themselves into a corner. However, I believe many have heard the story of the general who burned his bridges, and in doing so, closed off his army's only route of retreat. With no other way out but forwards, they pressed on with their lives on the line, and went on to win the war.

We fear failure, and fear the potential crushing disappointment should we commit fully and come out worse off in the engagement. When we encounter failure, we want to be able to tell others (and even ourselves, at times) "Nah, it was no big deal, it didn't really matter to me after all". I know that this helps us to cope with setbacks in life, but if we go in mentally prepared to fail, then how in the world can we expect ourselves to achieve much success? Some, or even much of life may not require 100% of our effort, but then those crucial moments come along, where we won't be able to just wing it, where we won't get through if we hold even 1% in reserve. Rather than attempting to differentiate between these circumstances; and trust (rather naively) that we'd instinctively recognize such situations and be able to give our all in them, I think it'd be a better idea for us to start getting used to doing so pretty soon, especially considering what a crucial point we're at now.

I'm not a good example. All too often, I find myself saying that I'll "sign up for fun", and so on, and thinking about it (when I do) gets me kind of pissed off at my own lackadaisical attitude. Pissed off at my weakness that requires such shallow words and thinking to shield myself, and as a crutch to lift myself up when I fall. I don't want to be so weak, and yet, this is not one of those situations where pointing out the problem naturally engenders a cure.

Phew, I wonder how I managed to arrive at this point from a quote that was supposed to be inspirational, yet I don't feel inclined to delete the above words, so I'll just leave them be. Ending off, for those of you who fear to commit, to decisively declare, both to the world and yourself: "Yes! I'll do it!" , well, you're not alone, cause at the very least, I'm here struggling with it as well. And don't worry, cause someday down the road, WE WILL DO IT! (Heh, see what I just did there? Now to come through on it)

sorry if my tone seems to fluctuate throughout the post, sometimes even I don't know whether I'm being serious or not :/

Time for a post. The hols have this miraculous slowing down effect, life progresses at a slower pace (despite the looming specter of the CTs and the mugging necessitated), there's so much less to focus on and my brain thus moves in to feel the gap, latching on to the passing events in the flow of time and appreciating the opportunity of finally having the luxury of being able to process them. So please do pardon me if when I lapse into self-indulgent rambling. Remember; it's your own fault that you're here, so deal with it =)

I find some things unfathomable, like say some people's reactions to the most innocuous of actions. I'm the kind of person who instinctively attempts to reason and rationalize the things happening around me, and I'd say that despite not being the most perceptive person around, I'm not all that bad at understanding the motivations behind what others do (given enough time), so I find such occurrences where I am totally unable to do so utterly puzzling and am left bewildered. My eventual conclusion is one that doesn't leave me very happy at all.

I'm getting tired of selfishness, power games and their ilk. The lack of maturity from all sides involved is getting on my nerves.

Selfishness: I mean okay, of course I understand that times are tight; life's a rat race where we just have to come in ahead of the competition, there's often little room for us to be concerned about others' interests before our own, but really. Self-preservation is an instinct that even the lowliest of organisms possess. Don't you think that as rational thinking beings, self-proclaimed "stewards" of this planet; we should be able to rise above this most basic of instincts, give life a more "human" touch; if I may put it that way? I can be tolerant of selfish behaviour, I accept it occasionally surfacing in those I care about, nor do I deny being selfish myself; nobody's perfect, afterall. However, I really would appreciate it if we all put even a little more effort into overcoming this in-built myopic-ness. In fact, I'm really touched when I observe such behaviour being exhibited.

Power games: My, aren't they just fun. Basically two parties messing with each other through mostly juvenile means in an attempt to establish some form of "dominance" over the other. Even more exciting is that there's never really an end to it; even if one side wants to end it/back out, so long as the other still retains insecurities about their position, on with the games! If the other doesn't respond, complete and utter pwnage occurs. Amazing, ain't it? Imo it may have something to do with an innate desire to establish and gauge our positions on the ever-so-metaphorical societal "ladder" relative to those around us. Do note that this is just a pet theory of mine. It's entirely possible that I'm being overly sensitive, seeing these "power games" when there aren't any; and perhaps I'm being the 小人 in this case, taking too much notice of what others see as merely inconsequential. And I'll never be able to fully justify this belief. All I can do is to implore you to give it a try: Try inspecting the societal interactions around you and see if you can't see some evidence that lends it some credence in your eyes afterall. BUT assuming that they're true, I bet that you, too could understand why I'd be tired of them. Seeing others constantly engaged in them, and experiencing the spillover effects of the ill feelings engendered in the course of these games; wondering at the ridiculousness of it all...

Well, I've noticed that I only really take notice at the point when patience wears thin, the days where all the unfortunate events just keep piling up, accumulating. So its probably not that big of a deal at all.

Shopping with my family was oddly therapeutic; I'm beginning to see how some could find it addictive, barring the prohibitively high costs, and the eventual guilt at having spent so much on just clothes. Hahaha

Oh and btw, for those of you who read the huge chunks above; if you thought I was talking about you, then that means I probably wasn't, so go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back =)