So it's passed, in pretty lackluster fashion. Can't really believe I've blown away the 4 day long weekend just like that; I somehow thought it'd be more...fulfilling? (Sorry Amos xP)  Instead I've been feeling myself getting lazier and more sluggish as the days passed, so I'm actually kinda looking forward to booking in, and dragging my sorry ass to actually do something; besides the usual book-in dread of course, as I count down the hours to when I have to leave my comfy home to make the weekly pilgrimage to Resort Gedong.

Well anyway, for memory's sake, here's a brief recount of the weekend's (ahem) exploits:

Caught Total Recall with Amos on Friday at Nex. I think I've mentioned in passing the little obstacle course I pass through each time I want to take the bus to Serangoon MRT from my house, but now here's a couple of pictures to serve as elaboration.

 

First, some corrugated metal sheet at the end of the alley that I have to squeeze past...

 Followed by this second one which I climb over the railings and crab-walk along the edge of the longkang to overcome, before crossing the road to reach the bus stop opposite. It's fun, in a childishly idiotic way.

Total Recall is one of those action-packed movies based upon a pretty engaging premise, almost Inception-level but not quite. A healthy dose of mindfucking thrown in for good measure, and quite a bit of food for thought as well. I think the key difference between what Rekall (a corporation in the movie which claims to be able to give customers memories they never actually experienced) offers and what happens in the Matrix is in perception. In the Matrix, captives (?) experience realtime sensory input, which merely bypasses the sensory organs to simulate the actual occurrence of events, in real time, while what Rekall does is 'play with the chemicals' in the brain and so on, to give you the memory of having experienced those events. Now, my question is, is there a difference? Some may say, no, in giving you the memory, the endstate; ie what you derive from it, is exactly the  same as having gone through the event yourself. In my opinion, however, this view discounts the importance of the here & now. I don't quite know how to describe it, honestly, it's simply the feeling that there's something about this very instant, this very moment that we experience, that can never be recaptured in our memories, no matter how vividly or clearly we recall it. Treasure the present, I guess, cause when it becomes the past, you're never going to get it back.

We were left to wonder at the degeneration of our brains as we browsed through some A level materials at Popular, and I'm starting to think that I'm really screwed for the BMAT, urgh. 

And I went out with Nicholas on Saturday, decided to jio him for lunch after running into him at Northpoint while waiting for Amos on a previous occasion. The small coincidences, eh? xP Did a bit of catching up, and what I think is really sad is the common agreement we all have, of this thing called NS leaving us bereft of purpose and ambition, at least for these 2 years. It's something I have to battle against, I guess, since I simply cannot continue slacking as I have been doing. It was nice to chat, talking to old friends is just so reassuring in so many ways, you have nothing to prove, nothing to gain, nothing to lose. 

And lastly, I went to help out at my Dad's clinic this morning; was quite a shock to have him come in while I was showering and ask me to help out cause both the staff who were supposed to be down today came down with diarrhea, so half-awake, off we went. Not much to say about this I guess; just that I got to see more of the way he interacts with patients.

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Time's caught up, it seems, so till next week.

Just Tank It

Funny how being in camp drives away all thoughts of the outside world, which only slowly drift back to me; apprehensions towards a murky future, all the what-ifs and maybes, oozing into my mind just before lights out, as I 'lie flat flat' and prepare to sleep. So, just something to think about. I think that horrible pang of loneliness you get, as the days troubles leave your mind, and haven't yet grasped the tasks that await the next day, that horrible indescribable loneliness which you can't share, can't salve, as you lie alone in bed, that's probably one of the most acute symptoms of the "human condition"

A pretty exciting week, I mustn't forget that initial thrill of driving, of the power as I revved up the engine - an engine capable of pulling >70 tonnes, no less! - as I sat in the tank. The exhilaration felt as the sand clouds washed over us, the sand on my face, it's taste in my mouth, gritty and real. Anxiously driving, wanting to take the turns slowly, watching out constantly for the freaking corners of the bridge above, extending beyond the front of the main chassis, to ensure I wouldn't inadvertently chop down a tree along the dirt path. Of driving up that steep incline, unable to even see the ground beneath me, simply pumping the accelerator to go forwards, blindly, with my field of vision the wide sky above. Of driving closed hatch, my butt uncomfortably in contact with the floor, feeling every bump and the incessant vibrations running through my body as I drove, revved, changed gears and braked, as I tried to adjust myself to catch the barest glance of the bridge. Of trying to stay in the middle of the road, while Staff Elvin constantly berating me the whole damn way. Of the fulfillment of what is quite possibly the childhood dream most males share, right alongside flying a plane, driving a firetruck (what starts with "f" and ends with "uck" hehx) and the most literally up there one, being an astronaut. I mustn't forget the initial trepidation, and general reluctance to increase speed, especially with constant reminders to not over-rev the engine.

A Saturday burned; or half of it, at least, most of the time spent on that endless maintenance and the various checks. Good thing I had no plans.

And I must remember, to adapt fast, and adapt well. So far I've been passive, and somewhat making a fool of myself at my new home, can't let this go on if I still want to remain in the game, right?

Holding Together

The sweet taste of freedom is something I managed to savor deeply this weekend. I miss the days when I had the time to stand around with friends, not quite sure what to do, standing in the middle of the pathway, standing in the rain, under the shelter of a tree, as we tried to hash out a course of action, inevitably going off-topic before once again meandering our way back on course. The time to take the long route, a stroll through the heart of the city, chatting, whining and in essence being completely random. The time to sit and watch a couple of "performers" in the spotlight at the Gardens, waiting for them to do something, which they never did. The freedom to not have a plan, activities slotted neatly back-to-back, and an unrelenting encik/PS/CSM breathing down our necks to enforce timings and ever ready to knock us down for being too sloppy. The freedom, in fact, to see adveture in the most miniscule yet crazy little things; clambering onto and bypassing a corrugated metal sheet blocking my path and climbing over the low fence at the longkang, creeping across the ledge to bypass yet another sheet; all in order to leave my estate to get to the basketball court across the road with my cousins, and later, moving to look for another court (that one was already occupied) only to discover that the hoops had broken off, and then playing 2 v 2 ultimate frisbee instead. A sweet nectar that I plan to enjoy fully once I ORD.

Staring at the city lights, at people going about the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it struck me how removed from it all we NSmen are. Once we set foot in camp, we assume our second identities, ones which we've conditioned to willingly accept the rigors, regimentation et al of in camp training, and as we go through the week, one event follows another, in rapid succession, no time to think about other things; best not to think about other things. It's scary how easy it is to lose sight of yourself; who you are, what you're doing, the things you stand for; what you're aiming for in life. It's as if we're safely ensconced in a bubble, removed from the flow of everyday life; and I'd hate to think what kind of lost soul would be released when the bubble pops 17 months down the road. I'd cry out for someone to save me, but really, who's up to the task?

Self-help then, is the way to go, and I hope my endeavor to earn a shiny pointy piece of metal serves to focus myself as well.

So I got rejected

Mr Ngan: Hi Christopher. How's med applicn?
Me: I was offered my second choice, Science.
Mr Ngan: Haiz. Students like u, christopher, r the ones who should be doctor. One of ur tutors said students like u r the ones we wouldnt mind teaching for 10 years. I nodded in agreement. Tcare.
Me: Thanks alot, really! Don't worry about me..I've decided to pursue an interesting education wherever it may take me..may need your help next year as well, hope you don't forget me! Hope I'm able to go down sometime to thank you properly.
Mr Ngan: Gd ure taking it well. Proves us right.

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Cause my army phone really doesn't have much sms storage space.

What are words, eh? Nothing but vehicles for thought, carriers of concern, empty if there's nothing else behind them. Maybe I tend to read too much into things, but I was touched, though it's such a simple gesture. I'd gotten over it already, but appreciated it nonetheless.

My Heart Will Go On

"What is better; to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?"
-Paarthurnax, Skyrim

Something I never cease thinking about.

When you're trapped, and efforts to find a way out seem futile; do you persist in rattling the bars of the cage in hope of finding some weakness, or do you turn your back on them and attempt to make yourself comfortable? 

But then again things aren't so clearcut in real life, are they?

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Yet another fun outing, this time on Monday with Jack, Amos, Merv and Angie to celebrate Jack's birthday! (I think I'm running out of adjectives to describe these things already..another sign of my brain's gradual degeneration I guess; though perhaps that's for the best what with NS coming up and all) The Titanic exhibition at the Art Science __________ at MBS was pretty interesting; it was cool to see all the relics they'd managed to recover from the wreck of the Titanic, almost 4km underwater. I really liked how the setting and outlook of that time period were explained so meticulously, providing a rather poignant background to the sinking of the ship. What was meant to be the crowning glory of a period of optimism set in technological development instead turned out to be a horrific disaster.  I also appreciated the effort put into research with regards to the lives of certain passengers and crew who were aboard the ship; from all the various classes (more on that later). Stories of how little twists in fate; a coal strike, for example, which resulted in other ships being unable to set off; and those passengers rebooking onto the Titanic (super unlucky!) or the Titanic's captain, who'd initially been planning to retire before the Titanic set off, yet reluctantly agreed after persuasion by The Company, and his promise to his family that it'd be the "last time" (he went down with his ship), could change an individual's life irrevocably. Being informed that the disaster could have been averted, if not for human stupidity/hubris: The Titanic being proclaimed "unsinkable" (which was really asking for it, in hindsight) and therefore not requiring enough lifeboats to accommodate all its passengers (they were judged to make the deck appear overly cluttered and therefore unsightly) as well as the lookouts spotting the iceberg all too late because they'd apparently forgot to bring along binoculars for the trip in the haste to set off. We got to see the gulf between the have and have-nots; as seen by the opulence enjoyed by First-Class passengers; fine dishware, great furnishings, separate dining and smoking rooms, and even their own stairway! versus what the rest got; via the artifacts which were painstakingly annotated with "most likely used by first-class passengers"; "seen in second-class bathrooms" etc. Oh, and we noticed, also in this picture that all the guys had the same taste in headwear, apparently. Not sure what that particular style of cap is called, though.

Could kinda appreciate the jobs that historians and their ilk do. To preserve what they can of the past for the future; cause as they said, if nobody did anything about it, the Titanic would become "a rust spot in the ocean in 30-40(?) years time" with nothing to show for it. Though the use of it all is kinda questionable, seeing that humans don't really seem to learn from their past mistakes haha.

Met Amos after that; dawdled as we tried to decide where to have lunch, finally decided upon Astons at Suntec, had our food, played Citadel (yet another interesting cardgame! and our gift to Jack, incidentally) before leaving.

Went to meet SY and Eliz for dinner at Novena after that; but both were late, so I spent my time walking rather aimlessly around the area; looking at stationery at Evergreen, watching TV (in 3D as well) at Harvey Norman before finally having dinner with them and going home.

"If dreams would come true

How happy I'd be!

I dreamed I loved you

And I dreamed you loved me."

Just something random we saw on an ancient postcard; one of the artefacts recovered from some (presumably) leather case at the bottom of the sea. I'm sharing it despite my mini-rant about the dearth of originality...well just because. Call me hypocritical if you will xP

I can't be the only one who thinks "My Heart Will Go On" was the perfect song for Titanic. Not only in the romantic sense; though that's surely there, but I think in terms of the human spirit and daringness to dream, as well! Despite the colossal (I was tempted to use "titanic" here but restrained myself xP) failure of the Titanic, we continued dreaming; even if success at times appeared (and still does appear) so far away in the distance, and well, ended up where we are today.

Not the most pretty display but YES!!! HAHA. Could have gone to bed after the first 45 mins but the second were a different kind of thrilling.

Shall do a quick recap of the class chalet since I'm awake anyway:

Was awesome, turnout rate on the first day was good; only 3 peeps couldn't make it IIRC. The BBQ was pretty successful as well! First BBQ I've attended where there wasn't much trouble starting the fire; guess Jack's experience played a large role there. (I'm randomly reminded of this BBQ in P3 so many years back where my mum dragged me off for our weekly visit to my grandma's house before we'd even got the fire started. Just one of the little incidents which scarred my childhood experience hehe) Short photo montage courtesy of Jack once again, followed by some random "speech" and song by tyf which I'll hold back judgement upon. Got a little gift which made me feel like an ass for a comment of sorts passed earlier. I'm not giving them to my mum afterall~

Played some poker at night with Amos, Yifan and Joo Gian while the rest were playing a protracted game of Gloom; using cards as stakes initially, then moving onto pushups/situps as we progressed through the night. We went through a number of hands; though my luck wasn't the greatest...became broke a few times, did a few sets of pushups. Was quite comical how we were pretty reckless at first, then everything got serious later on when we upped the stakes. I can't quite recall what we did the rest of the night and morning, tbh. We played some bridge, I know, and the rest played Go Fish! while some of us lay down on the mattresses, just staring at the ceiling fan, exchanging a few words. It's really quite therapeutic. Finally really fell asleep around 5+? which really isn't that late for me :P

We stoned around abit after waking up, finally got down to Downtown East for brunch at Burger King; Amos left for Changi after that, and we went back to the chalet to spend more time on the Xbox. The spastic rabbits game was freaking cute and fun; and we spent quite some time trying to fling this ball of snot which a rabbit clings to as far as possible, by shaking our heads like mad. Munchkin Cthulhu after that, won by Merv after an epic no-holds barred stop on Jack who called upon the (unwilling) Yifan for assistance. The strength went up to 60+ after all the buffs, and the monsters only won marginally, which is saying alot. Cultists make for a really intriguing gameplay.

Rented our bikes overnight for $10 apiece (excluding the tandem one) from this place in the middle of Pasir Ris Park and kept them in the chalet while we went to some Korean place at Downtown East for dinner. The overnight cycling was a great experience. We got lost a few times; Merv and I took a wrong turn, heading the opposite direction along the MRT tracks, didn't navigate the park connectors properly from what I gathered (not being involved much if at all in the navigation) but eventually made it. Went from Pasir Ris to Tampines, Bedok, Siglap, coasted down the stretch of ECP to Changi Village, and back to Pasir Ris again, with a few detours along the way. 50km+ according to Joo Gian, which is by far the furthest I've ever cycled; though we did stop along the way. We left the chalet around 11pm and got back at 6.29am the next day haha. Even managed to catch a FA Cup match of Arsenal vs Leeds from around the 17th min till the end at this coffeeshop where we took a break; Henry scoring the only goal (a good one!) on his first game back at Arsenal. Really funny how the rest were so exhausted that they were sleeping there, with some really unglam expressions while Amos and I, along with a whole bunch of people at other tables were watching the match! Damn shag after that; good thing there were many downhill stretches on the way back; really shiok cause you can just stop working the pedals and let gravity and momentum do the rest (Y)

There was this epic fail moment where I noticed this packet of white paint in a puddle of the same thing on the pavement too late; failed to avoid it, and was left with streaks of white on my tires for the rest of the trip. Good thing the uncle at the rental shop didn't mind; I was worrying about it throughout.

Nothing much after that, we got back, played some of Jack's math game with poker cards, some Go Fish!, had a short nap before returning the bikes, checking out of the chalet, taking the shuttle bus to the MRT and parting ways.

So, that's it haha. Really enjoyed the overnight cycling especially, you really get to appreciate how beautiful Singapore can be when it's quite at night. We basically didn't have to worry about cars on the road, and it was cool to look around and see the whole place illuminated by the warm glow of the streetlights. I loved the atmosphere :) I really appreciated the empty ECP as well haha. Past few times we went down, we always had to compete with the crowds of other cyclists, roller bladers etc for road usage but at night, we could cycle side-by-side and occupy the whole road if we so wished. I was really lucky this time to get a bike that actually worked properly with minimal squeaking; so I could enjoy the ride, and feel the power from my legs transferred to distance covered by the wheels on the ground. A very empowering feeling which running just can't give me, seeing how slow I am at that particular activity.

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It's pretty quiet at home now that school's started for all my siblings, who all left for their respective schools not too long ago. I've got some time to myself  now, much of which I've spent in front of this comp, though - I feel - productively in this case. Pretty much done with that not-so-little project I set out to do towards the end of last year, with the remainder being all those arbitrary stylistic decisions which I find so hard to make. Got a draft version out and it looks good! :D I'll be coaching at Safra once again on Friday; 6 hours this time, though with breaks in-between which should help me make up for the deficit wrought by the chalet. It's so nice to get honest pay for honest work, and to put my shooting experience to use as well!

Morning arrives, and my bed beckons. Signing off.