A nice long shower really does do me a world of good, allows me to take myself out of the flow of things for an instant, to take stock of my current feelings, thoughts and emotions, and to perhaps realize that the way I feel regarding a certain thing isn't necessarily isolated to that thing alone but rather symptomatic of a larger trend, perhaps a reaction to the way things around me have been seeming to go of late, and that I may perhaps be, against all odds, rhyme or reason, down in the dumps.

I'm lucky, I guess, to have been able to come to that conclusion myself, having relatively quickly run through a string of negative thoughts before somehow realizing that something was not quite right, that some other thing was probably affecting my mood and hence my perception of affairs, which gave me the opportunity to arrest the downward trend then and there, and now allows me to tackle the issue at hand.

Now, I suppose it sounds very easy on paper, but you only have to look at how things could have gone, have already gone, and probably are going in some other cases to understand that emotions and your mental state of being are by no means easy things to get a grasp on, it's not only a matter of - to borrow that old story - knowing where to chalk the cross, fixing the problem is a whole new can of worms altogether. But at least I know this, at least I've managed to stave off the downward spiral, and hopefully with some luck, will be able to get back to a better state of fine-ness, all in good time

Some people will never be happy. I guess never is probably too harsh a term to use but that's just the way it seems to me at times. It's a personal choice, I suppose, a way you choose to look at things, it's just unfortunate when you realize that no matter how much you attempt to do for someone, it's what you don't that you'll be remembered for, and for others it's just an endless void that will never be filled, no matter how much you attempt to throw into it.

Or perhaps it's just an unrealistic expectation on our part that every action we do, deed we commit, should have some kind of meaning to their recipient, when really, we have a tendency to mentally amplify the significance of what we do. It's also why I really admire those who can set out, day after day, to attempt to do something, with little perceptible effects - immediate effects. In the end, thinking about it, it's all about the mentality with which we approach things, a value judgement is made, and that's about it. Worth is very much in the eye of the beholder.

The only danger, peril that I do not wish to subject myself to, is letting myself veer, in my times of darkness, to nihilism, that seductively attractive prospect, there is that in me, that much I am aware, but it's a choice, afterall, so I choose not to.

Not the most clear-headed post after so long, my apologies, but we'll just have to see how things go from here :) Just rest assured, dear friends, that ^ is not an act of passive-aggroness, just something that's kinda been in my head for a long while, and happened to resurface, somehow