Leaving...on a jetplane :D

Leaving for Hangzhou from the 30th to the 11th.

Of depatures, arrivals, loss, shoots and...a quest for badges?!

A friend left Singapore yesterday. We chatted a little. Well, many have been flying off left right center. Hope they have safe & fun trips.

My parents arrived back in Singapore yesterday as well; after an expensive, harried romp around Europe. Kinda missed them while they were gone, but things're back to normal now. Well, now I've got a new wallet (green), new belt and erm...coin pouch as the by-products of their spree. Thanks!

When I arrived at Safra for the internal shoot; imagine my horror when I discovered that my pellet case had gone missing. I emptied the cupboard; no luck. Asking around also yielded no results. And now I shall have to go off to Hangzhou without it. Sucks.

The results of the shoot: 534 were disappointing, but just like last week's one, I really learnt a lot. Idk why, but when I shoot many individual shots, in a row, I can really feel it. It isn't really experimenting per se, but as I go through the shoot, I try different methods to achieve the same result. Like I try just keeping the general feeling of the energy distribution constant, or try just focusing on my left arm and so on. Through this, I can really find out which one works most for me, and what I shoot kind of helps me to verify that. So fer instance, I now know what it feels like to relax my body entirely. And I didn't know that previously. So that's good.

Spent time packing for the trip today, with loads of help from my uncle and grandma.

2nd internal shoot tomorrow. I...haven't been training that much this week; coupled with some recent problems, I can only do my best :S

I asked coach wrt to changing my 动作 but he advised against doing so, though he'll let me give it a try if I really want to. It's frustrating how much these little things bother me so...

"Class" outing today, participation wasn't anywhere near stellar, but I guess that's to be expected. Met yifan and amos in school to play frisbee; and the most embarassing wardrobe malfunction occurred. My pants split. T.T
yifan irritated me to no end, then had to go home before we managed to even do anything. Meh.

Lanning with amos, mervyn and jack (who joined us at 4-ish) really helped me scratch this itch I've been having since way back. We had dinner at Astons after that (my first time). It's really good and affordable.

It was fun overall, despite the occasional bumps. I'm really looking forward to the over-night cycling which amos and jack've promised to organize. Mmm.

Aside, dreams in the same vein have been plaguing me lately. I'd better straighten up my idea X.X

“Success can burn up the person who achieves it. Excellence usually feeds whoever works hard to acquire it.”

                                                                                                                                                     Thomas Boswell

 Shamelessly ripped from Mr Koh's feedback. 

Thanks for giving so much, so freely to us undeserving students. Friends from other classes talk about how horrible other teachers can be, and I can only feel blessed(?) to have had you as ours.

Out in the rain

Standing in the rain; in my courtyard, totally drenched as droplets of water fell on me. It was cold. And yet, it felt like nothing I did would impinge upon the outside world. It was for myself. It was liberating.

Pistoler?

I got rejected for the external H3 I applied for. Don't think I'll be appealing.

I'll shoot pistol if I have to, but I won't like it.

It's funny. I started off this thing 5 years ago, a rifle shooter. After around 1/2 a year, coach got me to switch to pistol, which I shot for the next 4 years. There were ups and downs; and I never really did perform exceptionally. However, I was determined to overcome my problems and excel in it. That's why I continued with this sport in RJ after all. Then the unthinkable happened: For multifarious reasons that do not bear mentioning; I changed to rifle. I decided then, that I'd give it my all, but had reservations about it, and felt that "I could never love it as much as I did pistol". I even harbored thoughts of switching back to pistol after I graduated. But over the months since then; I've grown attached to this event, and my past career as a pistoler seems all so distant. I was satisfied. In fact, I still am. I've grown used to this event, and actually enjoy doing all that I can to improve in it. I want to reach 600, eventually.

So when coach asked me to pick up the pistol again, to shore up the boy's team if need be, I was understandably reluctant. But I still did it anyway, since that's probably my duty I guess. I accept that. And when I picked up the gun, all those challenges I had faced came back. And I'm unprepared to face them. I have to admit; I'm no longer a pistol shooter; the relevant muscles have degenerated from lack of use and my mental aspect is sorely lacking. I honestly have no idea how I'm going to go through with this, but I know that going in with this kind of mindset is the wrong thing to do. So I'll just give it my best whenever I'm doing it, train diligently. but I'm not going to pressure myself. That's all I can promise.

Drop off the face of the world why don't you...

Training both pistol and rifle's an intriguing thought, but idk whether I'll be able to handle it. I'll try for now.

Biggest house lizard I've ever seen. Finger for comparison.

Fire in the Range

Yep, I started off this post with a horrible pun; perhaps you'll have realized that once you're done reading it.

Woke up at 12.45, after staying up to read Smash! and The Swarm (which is a totally worthwhile read; a little more than 800 pages jampacked with pure unadulterated awesome).

After some lazing around, I left for Safra to prepare for the internal shoot. With much time to spare till the shoot at 7.30, I took a large detour, strolling around Yishun Central, and looking at those awesome little fish shops there. And that's when I saw this: 

  

Perhaps its a little unclear; probably cause its from my puny 5 mp handphone. Does this help?

The darn thing has TWO heads. I kid you not, its the real McCoy. It can be found in this fish shop opposite Khoo Teck Puat Hospital; and is on sale for a cool $8,888. Amazing. As a bio student, I really wonder how it functions like that. Do they share control of each body part? Or does each control one side? Or is one just a dummy? It looked pretty alert to me. Really intriguing either way; that little detour was really fruitful I'd say.

Next up was the internal shoot. I shot 550, a personal best. I'll do better next time, of course. Today didn't even feel that good: I couldn't really find out the 感觉 to shoot a 10 for the first 30 or so shots, and in fact; I was a little panicked during my third series; no 10s were coming out, and I eventually shot an 8, resulting in my lowest series of the day: 89. I was really having trouble with my 瞄扣配合. The takeaway I had, was to relax completely, and to not even think about controlling the gun to get it to enter the 瞄区, and to "separate" my sight from my actions in a sense. While I allow my eye to look through the sights at the target, I cannot try to get the sight to align if it by using any force. Just let it sway naturally; and fire at the right moment. Sounds easy; or even confusing to those that don't know what I'm talking about, but honestly, its not. It's funny, really. While I've been trying to do this in training, and coach keeps on nagging at me; it was only through this actual competition condition that I was able to actually feel it for myself. I think in a way, this internal shoot was more productive for me than the past 2 weeks of training. Strange.

Now, it's time to explain the pun. As I was returning my gun to the armory, Jau Tung came out of it, saying: "There's a fire" Now, he was so dead-pan when saying it that as I stepped in to return my gun; although I noticed the smoke and the smell of burning...stuff, I just attributed it to the machinery. I took awhile to realize; that a fire had started. Wow. The wiring had overheated, and sparked into a fire; which burned a hole in the projector screen. It's the first time I've ever seen this kind of thing, and fortunately it was extinguished soon after, leaving this smog hanging about the range. You know; I frequently joke that in case of an emergency, us rifler's would be doomed, as it'd be nigh impossible to escape in our cumbersome suits. Go figure.

So yeah, Fire in the Range. Cause you know, shooters fire at the targets, and well, ^ this fire.

Tonight's full moon is beautiful.

Seems like the internet's crashing; or the manga hosting sites at least. So many loading errors from MangaFox, MangaReader and even TenManga. Only the chinese site seems to be stable. Life has lost a little colour -.-

Internal Shoot today; and I didn't go to train yesterday. Wonder how I'll do? Results are secondary, of course, it's the process that matters. Sucky cliche, je sais.

A spectrum of diverging similarities; particles moving through space and time, each unique.

The last day of school, was pretty much like the second last day, and the one before that. I overslept, rushed over to school, caught the Econs video; we were released early, then played basketball as a class. We had quite a good game today, though I failed at scoring; while Jack switched on his aimbot (I really have to ask him where he got it from). Bio lec after that, by what has to be either the best, or the most spastic lecturer ever. Opinions're divided. He's obsessed with spiderman, and has this sadistic exercise where he sets a time limit for copying. I'm faster now, since I decided to just jot down key points. I actually grasp bio now, and its pretty interesting. Perhaps molec bio will be something like this?

Lunch at S11 ($) followed by frozen yogurt at Marble Slab Creamery. Went home, slacked and went off to train, amidst the pouring rain, holding this huge umbrella that boomed.

Shot an astounding total of 5 shots for training, with >1 hour spent on dry-firing to try to get my position right. Coach eventually helped me to install sight-raisers, which I'd wanted from the start, and gave me a belt as well; as my pants were...well...too loose XP Tomorrow will be awesome, I swear. I get frustrated too easily, guess I have to realize where things stand currently; take that as a starting point and work from there. While you may aim for the stars, AND hit the moon in the process; you don't get there with fairy dust and wishes do you?

There must be many tool-less mechanics out there; as many a wrench hath been thrown into my plans. Wanted to go to BTNR today morning with Sing Yee, but abrasions from basketball kind of hinder my walking - I'm now waddling like a duck - so no luck there. The rest of the guys aren't really keen on going out tomorrow, can't blame them as they're pretty busy and Tuesday's plans have gone up in smoke as well. Haix, I want to DO something, and it seems like I'm the only bo liao person around. I could train 3x a day but I do think that'd be going a little too far. Proactivity seems to be the keyword of the hour.

End of Narrative Account

As Amos put it; it can't really be called the last day of school per se. JC is just one long string of 2 years; but is it so bad to want to steal a break from this month and a half?

Kang Yan's birthday today. I think I actually got her a present for what might be the first time ever. Wonder what that says about me as an elder brother...the lucky bugger got 3 cakes and this gigantic jelly which she flaunted on fb...

Missed training for the 3rd day in a row. I just so tired that I couldn't bear to drag myself to Yishun after getting home. I'll just have to inject some momentum starting today. I think another reason is that I wanted to distance myself from Monday's dismal training; really lost my compose after being unable to visually focus on the target card properly - My vision just went blurry after a few seconds - and some problems with the 瞄扣意识 process that coach wants us to do. Well, 600s my ultimate, if a bit unrealistic aim, so I'll just have to work towards it.

Last day of school Last few hours of school are approaching rapidly, and I guess just like all other J1s out there, its been a fast year, it really passed in the blink of an eye. Perhaps, it is as some suggest; that its because so many things happened within this one year. But whatever it is, next year will be even faster.

To grasp hold of time, and wring out every last dreg of potential in it, is exactly what I plan to do, starting now. Rather than wondering whether this life of mine has an inherent meaning waiting to be discovered, or whether I'll have to inject meaning myself; sitting here's not going to do anything.

Off I go.

Whole day spent doing absolutely nothing. Awesum!

What makes a person good? Thinking about doing bad stuff but choosing not to do it, or not thinking about doing bad stuff at all?

The latter's really just innocence IMO, not real goodness. Of course, if the former only happens due to fear of repercussions, it's not really good is it?

Walking alone really gives me the chance for introspection; for my thoughts to roam free. And while I've often remained content to allow them free reign within my head; to romp around, unrestrained; always I've been afraid to let them out, lest these fragile, delicate thoughts of mine break and shatter, after leaving the protective greenhouse of my mind. Where they'll be exposed to the withering sun and drowning rain, of people, who just won't listen.

But I've decided to take a chance, with this as an intermediate medium of sorts; to let them out of the greenhouse, and see, whether they have a shot at survival.

A fulfilling romp as always; leaves me feeling rested and refreshed, feeling that I can take on the world, and everything it has to throw at me; that my heart is large enough to take in anything, and everything, any number of tens, or zeroes, it matters not. But the real world soon drags the feeling away, as the banalities of reality push this feeling away, and I sink back into life. Till next time~

No point

At first there was nothing.
Then a point appeared. It had no size, no volume, no magnitude; just a point in space, nothing special, nothing great, almost nothing at all, to be honest.
But it had one thing. The ambition, the drive, to be something more than it currently was, to let the universe know of its presence.
It looked at the stars -wait, no, not looked- It sensed the stars shining, basking in the light from those tiny pinpricks many lightyears distant and wondered; as much as any point could wander: Little points in space, just like (me) how is it that they shine so brightly; to pierce this void?
And the stars twinkled as if in reply: We shine; for ourselves, we shine so bright, consuming ourselves, we light the sky.
Then it knew, the point did. And it grew, gaining volume, gathering particles, a coming-together of points; and ignited; an iridescent ball it now was.
It exulted in its glory; throwing its rays to the furthest reaches of space, freely, and without a thought.
And then it was spent; burnt out, and it collapsed, into nothing.

A point in space; lonely, wondering, at the light of star, lightyears away; long burnt out.

And after 6 hours of sleep, I've finally recovered from that awesome sleepover of a class party. Now, I'm not into recounts of past events, so you're out of luck. Lanning from 1 to 5, karaoke, guitar hero, night swimming and "ultimate ball", mahjong, saboteur, truth or dare, sleeping at 6 to wake up at 9, then napping till 12. Random acts of gayness witnessed and partaken in. Mmm.
Not to be negative, but I realize I'm a talentless loser. I'll try to overcome that somehow. I've taken to drawing; trying a new method to do so: Visualize the image and superimpose it upon the paper, and just trace from there. Not too successful atm, but perhaps I'll improve with time.

Now, I haven't done justice to the experience, but I don't really feel up to it, so maybe later. Now onto shooting. The head, focus on the back, simple, really. I want to perfect my action, though. 600's my goal, my ultimate destination. Coach wants me to come up with a cohesive thought process for my shooting. Makes enough sense, I'll work on it in future trainings. Focus on making that action perfect during dry-fire and grouping, thought process during ti hui.

Signing out.

And...it's over.

Now I know the value of practice, of giving your all into practicing for a speech. Perhaps...that's the reason why...that thing happened. I must've practiced >20 times on Sunday. Shouting at the catfish, at the greenery, while waiting for the rest to get to school at 8.30 in the morning, practicing in front of the mirror in the toilet, during our actual rehearsal, stopping at random intervals after we disbanded while walking out of school to stand there for 5 minutes to read it out. And even on the way home, and well into the night, with the glare of my dad's video camera blinding my eyes. When you want something enough, you've gotta do all you can for it.

And the class party after that. Not bad at all. After lunch, we left the girls and merv behind to go lanning. Took 1.45 mins to complete that first level of L4D2, dying a total of 11 times. My, that last stage with the car was just...saddening. After that, we rejoined to group, and went to watch "the social network". An awesome movie, but a bit too emotive for something that's purported to be a "documentary" of sorts. Dinner after that, and I realized I blew 21.20 in the course of one day. Kinda worth the money, though I feel like an ass saying that, seeing that it's not my ka-ching I'm spending.

I'll miss group meetings I think, and I can't help but wonder whether I'll ever talk to my (ex?)group-mates again. Well, time will tell.

Somehow, I can't get my heart back into shooting just as yet. The inertia's really taken hold of me. Man, I just want to laze around all day >.< But I'll be back soon enough. Just give me a little time.

I'll miss you~

It feels like something should be said; that there's some kind of lesson to be learnt from all this. But I just can't put it into words. Or maybe I just can't be bothered.

OP...oh why do you bother me so -.-

I was left feeling pretty emotional after yet another one of Mr Koh's "sessions" I guess I'd call them. Probably the last one. Listening to those 2 groups speak, I can't say whether I felt inspired or humbled. Not that I was arrogant about my speaking abilities; I never was, but they left me feeling that the effort I'd put in was little, that this little scrap of paper that I was clinging to was just pathetic. I don't really know what to say.

I need to shoot some stuff. SOON.

Other than that, the past few days of chionging stuff has been pretty fun I'd say, but that's probably just me XD

I've been in a dark mood of late. Idk why, really. Seems like all the unresolved stuff of late are rising out of the murky depths of my mind to pester me again. They're getting a lil' tough to banish :/

Sorry, but I'm just tired, you know?

Everyone is, I can see that. But I don't know, by keeping it bottled up inside, by keeping my cool, by trying to be understanding, I'm just becoming more and more stressed. Too stressed, in fact, to write out a well-reasoned post.

So here, I shall stop.