An ennui i have no conceivable right to, let's just get this on shall we?
Once bitten twice shy, reactive creatures we are, fearful of getting hurt will we hurt in return?
As always balance is key.
Channeling past into future, the twin headed eagle soars, I'd do well to learn by example, the follies of years past carried away by events running around like a headless chicken, do not give what you cannot receive.
Are we to be doomed to commit the same mistakes, over and over, spiral to eternity, different times same fates, or may there be hope yet? Only time may tell. Even then, what does it matter, but blips on the grand scale of cosmic events.
But while a grain may know not upon what shore it's washed upon, all that it may know, are what other grains may rest around it; a relative certainty, and that'll haveto do. For now.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Time for that long overdue post in this time between wakefulness and sleep, though over the past few weeks my circadian rhythm has become messed up beyond recognition.
Alone would probably be a reasonable word to characterize these weeks, alone yet not quite lonely. The days seem to pass in a blur at times, perhaps because I've not been maximizing the use of my time, but that's well-trodden ground by now, something I'll avoid. I've been spending much of the time on my computer, trawling the Internet for je ne sais quoi, casting out into the wide abyss hoping for some resonance and feedback, perhaps, but emptiness can only beget emptiness, no? How ironic that amidst its depths I find nothing for myself, except those same few sites, over and over again.
Collisions with the outside world are intermittent, and not at all unwelcome, I've been to the gym and gone swimming with Mos, Merv joined us for dinner 2 Fridays past, conversations that've brought me out of my own head, the benefits of solitude aside I truly appreciate having sounding-boards for the most ridiculous or irrelevant of ideas, for casual conversation, the frank sharing of concerns, worries and sometimes dreams, does it speak more about me perhaps that I don't find this easy to do with many other people, despite attempts to be open and earnest with the people I come across? Sometimes I find the banality with which I resort to on many an occasion frankly appalling.
That said, it's been good to get toknow meet my coursemates, to begin the process of matching names to faces, and to really start to get to know them beyond the most trivial exchange of particulars and information that seems to preface any meeting; a necessary step no doubt, but one that I find particularly onerous (don't we all?). It's a common courtesy I guess, and a foundation to embark upon further conversation, though to be honest I'm not all too sure sometimes whether we're just asking for the sake of asking, and whether all this is forgotten at first parting. Others more socially adept than myself would probably be able to tell you who is from what JC, what CCA they were from etc but unfortunately such facts usually elude me without further reinforcement, which I'm making a conscious effort to rectify. Yes, Yen San, I remember that you live at Telok Blangah, though there's probably no chance of you seeing this xP
My coursemates seem like a pretty varied bunch of people, I think they're alright on a whole, perhaps there are a few who'd give Jack a run for his money, I haven't been able to tell much more from the few times we've met. The spectrum of schools and ages is pretty varied as well, the spread of JCs seems much more level than what I've been led to believe is the case with *cough*NUS*cough* though the gender ratio is horribly skewed, 8 guys : 2 girls if I'm doing my math right xP strangely enough there seem to be a lot more of us second-time applicants (AKA NUS rejects lol) than first-time ones, and that's about it in terms of demographics. First meeting was for lunch at eighteen chefs at Tiong Bahru (really good value for money, customization in terms of the dish you order etc, definitely worth going to again), second time a visit to NUS' anatomy museum, courtesy of a NUS M2's invitation, he actually told/led the supervisor to believe that we were the incoming batch of M1s to give us a tour around (oops) and offered to help us with anything we needed, questions we had, and apparently they'd offered to organize an orientation for us, which our Profs refused, a really kind gesture, though I can understand why our Profs did what they did. It was really cool to observe the preserved specimens on display in the museum, dissected and laid out to highlight the respective structures and organs, it could possibly be viewed as grotesque by some I guess, but it was obvious that it's all for educational purposes with all due respect, so nothing wrong with it from my POV. NUS students also have further anatomy hall sessions where they go into this theatre and organs from real cadavers are literally laid before them in carts and they're supposed to poke and feel around to further reinforce their learning, so it's probably imperative to quickly get over the ick factor. Something that was really impressed upon me though was the breadth and depth of what I'll have to study and be expected to be familiar with as a medical student as well as a practicing doctor in the future. It's not that I didn't have any prior expectations about it, but it really reinforced the fact that I'll have to put much work into this over the next few years and probably the rest of my life, it's a little daunting, but a challenge that I'm up for :P
The next meeting (do pardon my awkward paragraphing) was a self-organized IntroDOCtion (hurhur) held at the function room of Gabriel's condo, it's one of those ridiculously huge East Coast condo complexes, so pretty impressive stuff. And this, of course, was right after the signing of the Medical Undergraduate Agreement last Saturday, which started off with me bleary-eyed and headed to the Police Centre around 6 in the morning (note my screwed up body clock, it felt like 3 am when my mum woke me T.T) with my parents to submit an official change of address request which I'd been procrastinating on, and suddenly necessitated by the signing later that day, before heading to Yishun to collect my new spectacles, which my brother insists are totally hideous (urgh) before going to the HPB for the bond signing. The crux of the agreement basically being tying myself to serve the government for 5 years, failing which my sureties (my parents) would have to pay $500k for me to break the bond; no way that's happening lol. I managed to link up with some NTU peeps while over there and secured a ride from someone's mom (the CEO of SH and wife of the DeM no less, speak about white horses) over to the condo. Minor awkward moment when I was trying to help close the car boot, a little hesitantly because I was afraid of slamming it, only to have her open it fully once more and reach up to a button which made it close automatically. Oops. It was pretty vanilla after that, so was the meetup, around 30+ of us were there, it was more like an opportunity to mingle, familiarize a little etc before school really starts, pretty enjoyable nonetheless.
Lastly, which was yesterday, I went down with some of them to a talk held for prospective applicants at the Mandalay Campus at Novena, meet someone before that. Note to self: Never suggest to a girl to have lunch at Popeyes and other such places, quite hard to have conversation while stuffing your face with fried chicken, it probably doesn't do for a great first impression (I kid, it wasn't that bad, I hope). We got to speak to some of the faculty there, as well as horror of horrors, help to speak to some of the students present, answer some questions etc, basically to help sell the school. It was an interesting experience to put myself on the other side of the applications process for once hehe. Speaking to the profs really helped to ramp up my excitement about the start of school, the programme and pedagogy really does sound engaging, it's something that's never been done to that great an extent in Singapore; they've made full use of this opportunity to tailor the entire curriculum around it, so I absolutely can't wait for school to start. Sure, it may be more demanding, but it actually sounds fun, not just boring lectures that you sleep through most of the time or don't even have to turn up for, it's more interaction based, and structured to reinforce learning, I fervently hope we realize its potential.
Ok, I've rambled enough about school etc and I've got no wish to bore you so I'll end it here. Now, time for sleep to claim me, and perhaps I'll have dreams of sneaking among rooftops, and leaping upon unsuspecting prey, finishing them off as they turn to dust in my arms, I've been playing a fair bit of Dishonoured afterall. Great game (Y)
Alone would probably be a reasonable word to characterize these weeks, alone yet not quite lonely. The days seem to pass in a blur at times, perhaps because I've not been maximizing the use of my time, but that's well-trodden ground by now, something I'll avoid. I've been spending much of the time on my computer, trawling the Internet for je ne sais quoi, casting out into the wide abyss hoping for some resonance and feedback, perhaps, but emptiness can only beget emptiness, no? How ironic that amidst its depths I find nothing for myself, except those same few sites, over and over again.
Collisions with the outside world are intermittent, and not at all unwelcome, I've been to the gym and gone swimming with Mos, Merv joined us for dinner 2 Fridays past, conversations that've brought me out of my own head, the benefits of solitude aside I truly appreciate having sounding-boards for the most ridiculous or irrelevant of ideas, for casual conversation, the frank sharing of concerns, worries and sometimes dreams, does it speak more about me perhaps that I don't find this easy to do with many other people, despite attempts to be open and earnest with the people I come across? Sometimes I find the banality with which I resort to on many an occasion frankly appalling.
That said, it's been good to get to
My coursemates seem like a pretty varied bunch of people, I think they're alright on a whole, perhaps there are a few who'd give Jack a run for his money, I haven't been able to tell much more from the few times we've met. The spectrum of schools and ages is pretty varied as well, the spread of JCs seems much more level than what I've been led to believe is the case with *cough*NUS*cough* though the gender ratio is horribly skewed, 8 guys : 2 girls if I'm doing my math right xP strangely enough there seem to be a lot more of us second-time applicants (AKA NUS rejects lol) than first-time ones, and that's about it in terms of demographics. First meeting was for lunch at eighteen chefs at Tiong Bahru (really good value for money, customization in terms of the dish you order etc, definitely worth going to again), second time a visit to NUS' anatomy museum, courtesy of a NUS M2's invitation, he actually told/led the supervisor to believe that we were the incoming batch of M1s to give us a tour around (oops) and offered to help us with anything we needed, questions we had, and apparently they'd offered to organize an orientation for us, which our Profs refused, a really kind gesture, though I can understand why our Profs did what they did. It was really cool to observe the preserved specimens on display in the museum, dissected and laid out to highlight the respective structures and organs, it could possibly be viewed as grotesque by some I guess, but it was obvious that it's all for educational purposes with all due respect, so nothing wrong with it from my POV. NUS students also have further anatomy hall sessions where they go into this theatre and organs from real cadavers are literally laid before them in carts and they're supposed to poke and feel around to further reinforce their learning, so it's probably imperative to quickly get over the ick factor. Something that was really impressed upon me though was the breadth and depth of what I'll have to study and be expected to be familiar with as a medical student as well as a practicing doctor in the future. It's not that I didn't have any prior expectations about it, but it really reinforced the fact that I'll have to put much work into this over the next few years and probably the rest of my life, it's a little daunting, but a challenge that I'm up for :P
The next meeting (do pardon my awkward paragraphing) was a self-organized IntroDOCtion (hurhur) held at the function room of Gabriel's condo, it's one of those ridiculously huge East Coast condo complexes, so pretty impressive stuff. And this, of course, was right after the signing of the Medical Undergraduate Agreement last Saturday, which started off with me bleary-eyed and headed to the Police Centre around 6 in the morning (note my screwed up body clock, it felt like 3 am when my mum woke me T.T) with my parents to submit an official change of address request which I'd been procrastinating on, and suddenly necessitated by the signing later that day, before heading to Yishun to collect my new spectacles, which my brother insists are totally hideous (urgh) before going to the HPB for the bond signing. The crux of the agreement basically being tying myself to serve the government for 5 years, failing which my sureties (my parents) would have to pay $500k for me to break the bond; no way that's happening lol. I managed to link up with some NTU peeps while over there and secured a ride from someone's mom (the CEO of SH and wife of the DeM no less, speak about white horses) over to the condo. Minor awkward moment when I was trying to help close the car boot, a little hesitantly because I was afraid of slamming it, only to have her open it fully once more and reach up to a button which made it close automatically. Oops. It was pretty vanilla after that, so was the meetup, around 30+ of us were there, it was more like an opportunity to mingle, familiarize a little etc before school really starts, pretty enjoyable nonetheless.
Lastly, which was yesterday, I went down with some of them to a talk held for prospective applicants at the Mandalay Campus at Novena, meet someone before that. Note to self: Never suggest to a girl to have lunch at Popeyes and other such places, quite hard to have conversation while stuffing your face with fried chicken, it probably doesn't do for a great first impression (I kid, it wasn't that bad, I hope). We got to speak to some of the faculty there, as well as horror of horrors, help to speak to some of the students present, answer some questions etc, basically to help sell the school. It was an interesting experience to put myself on the other side of the applications process for once hehe. Speaking to the profs really helped to ramp up my excitement about the start of school, the programme and pedagogy really does sound engaging, it's something that's never been done to that great an extent in Singapore; they've made full use of this opportunity to tailor the entire curriculum around it, so I absolutely can't wait for school to start. Sure, it may be more demanding, but it actually sounds fun, not just boring lectures that you sleep through most of the time or don't even have to turn up for, it's more interaction based, and structured to reinforce learning, I fervently hope we realize its potential.
Ok, I've rambled enough about school etc and I've got no wish to bore you so I'll end it here. Now, time for sleep to claim me, and perhaps I'll have dreams of sneaking among rooftops, and leaping upon unsuspecting prey, finishing them off as they turn to dust in my arms, I've been playing a fair bit of Dishonoured afterall. Great game (Y)
Friday, July 19, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
QWOP (cont.)
Or perhaps it's because, cynical though I may be, some part of me recognizes that rather than peeling back the layers and uncovering frustration, above all that it's ultimately about the constant struggle of overcoming the self; the limited nature of the human condition to become something more than that. Yeah sure we'll stumble and fall along the way, undoubtedly making ourselves look foolish as we land unceremoniously flat on our collective faces/asses, and in the end we may never attain it, but in this case the act of trying is far more significant than the ends of achieving. As you run, focus, timing, gravity all coalescing into one perfect moment, and as the moment extends and stretches on, you shed just a little bit of those limitations and it's beautiful.
So I'll carry on, I guess. Life is a constant struggle, not in the oh-I-don't-want-to-carry-on-living sense but a struggle against the weaknesses I find so prevalent within myself and temptations external, but I want to carry on with hope in my heart, sustained not by a certainty of what awaits me (the only certainty is uncertainty) but the belief that each step I take is a worthwhile one.
So I'll carry on, I guess. Life is a constant struggle, not in the oh-I-don't-want-to-carry-on-living sense but a struggle against the weaknesses I find so prevalent within myself and temptations external, but I want to carry on with hope in my heart, sustained not by a certainty of what awaits me (the only certainty is uncertainty) but the belief that each step I take is a worthwhile one.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
QWOP
Wow my itchy fingers just lost me a fanboy post about QWOP so I guess I'll try to replicate it once more, though the feeling is long gone, a feeling which I shall perhaps seek to emulate with 30 mins of soul-crushing attempts to complete the nigh impossible game.
I'll be the first to admit that my renewed obsession is well, inexplicable and very questionable, given that there's no actual point to the game, you control a ragdoll with the relatively simple controls of 'Q,W,O,P' for the left and right thighs and calves respectively, with the goal of crossing the 100M mark. However gameplay is all but, as you'd find if you were to click on that link above xD And yet there's something I find incredibly fascinating about it; despite playing god knows how many runs, I haven't been able to complete it even once, so the challenge could be a definite factor, or perhaps it's the process itself. A slight tap of 'O' to lean forwards at the starting line, 'W' to thrust the right leg downwards, 'O' once more to lift up the left, 'Q' to thrust the left down, 'P' to lift up the right, 'W' once more to push it down, again and again, over and over again. It's a simultaneously cathartic and frustrating experience. Mistime your steps just a little and you'll quickly find your endearing avatar falling flat on his face/ass, along with a very audible 'thump'. Do it well though and you'll find him gliding smoothly along to the soundtrack, engaged in an elegant dance with gravity and time your willing partners.
Far be it from me to over-analyze (well for those who know me that's not very far at all..) but to me at least, beyond simply being a game, QWOP is a brilliant allegory of life, elegant in the very bumbling and stumbling that one is bound to encounter as he first plays with the controls, more likely than not to end up in a tangle of limbs barely a meter away from the start line. There's a very steep learning curve, not many would have the patience to go along with it, but the fulfillment once you get things sorted out and break into stride is definitely satisfying. But that's not all there is to it; it's by no means easy to keep the momentum going, how to resume once you've stopped is another tricky skill you'll have to pick up, get that wrong and you'll end up flat on your face, back to the start with you. Conversely as you go along, feeling pretty good about yourself, it's all too easy to get carried away by the momentum and lose control, break stride, stumble and fall. You have as many second chances as you'd like, but no save points, none at all. So, the recap, be incompetent, you fall, miserably. Over-confident and complacent, you fall. Overly anxious and unable to keep it up, you fall. Simply unlucky (countless times when lag/a sudden overpowering urge to scratch my nose caused me to miss a beat come to mind) and you fall. And yes, you can try and retry and re-retry over and over again, but You. May. Never. Succeed. And even if you do, so what? Is the whole world going to celebrate your achievement? There's no leaderboard to speak of, and even if there were, there's bound to be someone who can do it better than you; the next time you refresh the site, it's all gone. Quite a cheery message isn't it? Nah I'm obviously being sarcastic; it's downright depressing. Which probably goes a long way towards explaining my fascination with it, I'm just weird that way.
As an aside, reliable sources have informed me that there some soulless individuals have adopted a decidedly unorthodox method to complete the game, one which involves taking a strange posture, crouched very low down supported upon a mass of random limbs and thusly contorted, convulsing and sidling along the ground for very, very, long, all the way till the endpoint, the very idea of which is offensive to a purist like me. I mean, it's not exactly a Pyrrhic victory, but what's the point in that? Or maybe it says more about myself that I'd rather never reach the end and endlessly make attempts to do it the more challenging/'right' way rather than engage in something even more mind-numbing and downright ugly just for the sake of reaching the end. It's all about the style~
And yes, I just spent the better part of 750 words rewriting a post about a rather pointless game, so sue me. Or rather, SMS OTL
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Days
I guess I could be making more productive use of my time but I'm not too ashamed with what I've been doing with my new-found freedom as I'm pretty aware of what awaits me once the school term starts. So, some chill time, gladly appreciated, C'est la vie.
Two Sundays back I found myself along with my family aboard a super luxury yacht (at least it seemed luxurious from my limited worldview xP), 3 rooms below deck, a saloon in the cabin and a viewing gallery above, complete with a kayak and speedboat onboard; all courtesy of my dad's friend (who chartered it, not so rich that he'd own one). It's an amazing way to spend the afternoon if the weather's forgiving, a 2 hour cruise out to the smaller islands littered around Singapore, with a short stopover at Kusu Island before heading back. I'm a horrible writer so I shan't mention over-used cliches such as having the sun on my face, wind in my hair etc, it just felt wonderfully serene to sit on the front deck and feel the waves go by, to stand at the bow, clenching tightly onto the railing, fearful that I'd be taken away by the wind and the waves, yet at the same time unable to resist the thrill involved, and to yes, imitate that Titanic pose xP Great chance to unleash the inner camwhore too~
And I guess KH's incessant attempts to capture an "artistic" shot of some waterway yielded some nice pics as well~
The evening was occupied with a leisurely stroll along the boardwalk towards Labrador Park for dinner, taking in the sunset over the hill in the distance, the play of light across the water with the boardwalk sinuous, extending on...heck I'll just let the photos speak their thousand words.
All this accompanied by the not totally unwelcome chatter of my siblings, walking on. I do appreciate a good ambience.
Monday, SAF day, (my official disruption day btw XP) a casual meetup with Amos at AMK to take advantage of the various offers around for NSmen, unfortunately, and more than a little irritatingly, Fish & Co (and yes I'm singling them out) required us to be in Long 4 to benefit from the discount, which was baffling - shouldn't the 11B suffice as identification - and perhaps a little ironic: Who'd have guessed that in order to recognize the contributions of our NSmen you'd have to literally recognize and be able to single them out as well? Perhaps a misguided attempt to improve the image of the uniform, amidst the repeated STOMPing by the media. So we boycotted them for Pepper Lunch before heading to Bishan library, chilled a little before catching World War Z (more on that later) and departing.
I was supposed to go down to the medical centre at NTU for my checkup Tuesday afternoon but left the house too late (slight miscalculation on my part, 2 hours from home, really?) and ended up meeting my mum for lunch at Serangoon Gardens instead. Oh how little we actually speak, you and I. Your company no less welcome, very much loved. Why do we find communication so difficult?
Wednesday down to NTU for my medical, went down especially early to beat the crowds, ran into Soon Hong and a couple of future coursemates, spotted by virtue of those who had the yellow immunization form, conversation was haltingly awkward, as was the same for the more organized meetup on Thursday at Tiong Bahru, but thankfully NS has left us loads of common ground to cover, introductions to be made "Oh I was from 38 SCE, you know where Sungei Gedong is? Yeah, armored engineer, how bout you?" I guess it'll all work out somehow. I realize though that when I meet new people though I'm now a lot less reticient and reluctant to open up, I have this tendency to be overwhelmed/crowded out by the shall-we-say more outspoken and boistrous of those you'd find in a group. Suffice to say I prefer my interactions to be on a more personal and intimate level, something which I find lacking in larger group interactions; in which I feel intimacy and perhaps even sincerity may have to be sacrificed in the interest of being inclusive, which is very much a skill in and as of itself, but I just don't seem to have the energy! Alvin kept quoting from that book of his that while we may be able to adapt to various social situations, those we find ourselves most comfortable with are indicative of our personalities (a bit duh but hey wth). I guess I'm an introvert way inside, not much of a surprise, that, I just lack the high-ness to thrive in big group situations, they're often mentally taxing and I often find myself feeling drained after the event, though I'll admit to having enjoyed myself a fair bit.
Saturday, received a call around 12.10 at home from Kang Hui's bandmate, asking whether she "was around", thinking she wasn't at home, I replied that she wasn't till Kang Yan corrected me; she was still sleeping. Cue shock from her friend, cause apparently KH was supposed to meet with her section for rehearsals for the matinee performance of her concert not much later on. She was so hysterical when woken up that I actually felt sorry for her (which makes me sound worse than I am, honest) so I calmed her down before walking her out, fortunately for her she got a lift from my aunt and uncle, so she wasn't too late. It really was quite amusing to watch her hysterics though! Speaking of missed calls turns out I got shortlisted for the student union camp, many applicants, very few slots so evidently I was quite lucky. I, however, didn't pick up the original call from my would-be facil - sister turned my phone to silent mode when I left it to charge... - and when he called back later, he at first wasted a lot of time trolling me by saying he was from the Med faculty and had to review my application cause they'd taken in too many people (yeah right...) before asking me to sing him a song. It should have struck me that it was basic ragging and that I should have played along a lot better, but sad to say I phailed very badly (I mean it shouldn't be that hard to think of a song and just sing it however badly on the spot, right?) and then had to hang up on him mid-call to attend the aforesaid concert; horrible timing by all accounts, he actually called right when I was about to enter the concert hall and they were about to close the doors for the performances to begin, and when I smsed him asking whether I could call back the next day, apparently they were done selecting people for the camp, so missed opportunity there perhaps... More time to myself before school begins, then.
I've been watching a shitload of movies lately, and that in addition to loads of time spent trawling the depths of Youtube, I'll leave that for another post.
And the days roll by. Without the continuous rhythm of book ins and outs to mark the passage of time I've been finding myself quite lost to be honest. Every day's a Friday. TGIF~
Two Sundays back I found myself along with my family aboard a super luxury yacht (at least it seemed luxurious from my limited worldview xP), 3 rooms below deck, a saloon in the cabin and a viewing gallery above, complete with a kayak and speedboat onboard; all courtesy of my dad's friend (who chartered it, not so rich that he'd own one). It's an amazing way to spend the afternoon if the weather's forgiving, a 2 hour cruise out to the smaller islands littered around Singapore, with a short stopover at Kusu Island before heading back. I'm a horrible writer so I shan't mention over-used cliches such as having the sun on my face, wind in my hair etc, it just felt wonderfully serene to sit on the front deck and feel the waves go by, to stand at the bow, clenching tightly onto the railing, fearful that I'd be taken away by the wind and the waves, yet at the same time unable to resist the thrill involved, and to yes, imitate that Titanic pose xP Great chance to unleash the inner camwhore too~
The evening was occupied with a leisurely stroll along the boardwalk towards Labrador Park for dinner, taking in the sunset over the hill in the distance, the play of light across the water with the boardwalk sinuous, extending on...heck I'll just let the photos speak their thousand words.
Monday, SAF day, (my official disruption day btw XP) a casual meetup with Amos at AMK to take advantage of the various offers around for NSmen, unfortunately, and more than a little irritatingly, Fish & Co (and yes I'm singling them out) required us to be in Long 4 to benefit from the discount, which was baffling - shouldn't the 11B suffice as identification - and perhaps a little ironic: Who'd have guessed that in order to recognize the contributions of our NSmen you'd have to literally recognize and be able to single them out as well? Perhaps a misguided attempt to improve the image of the uniform, amidst the repeated STOMPing by the media. So we boycotted them for Pepper Lunch before heading to Bishan library, chilled a little before catching World War Z (more on that later) and departing.
I was supposed to go down to the medical centre at NTU for my checkup Tuesday afternoon but left the house too late (slight miscalculation on my part, 2 hours from home, really?) and ended up meeting my mum for lunch at Serangoon Gardens instead. Oh how little we actually speak, you and I. Your company no less welcome, very much loved. Why do we find communication so difficult?
Wednesday down to NTU for my medical, went down especially early to beat the crowds, ran into Soon Hong and a couple of future coursemates, spotted by virtue of those who had the yellow immunization form, conversation was haltingly awkward, as was the same for the more organized meetup on Thursday at Tiong Bahru, but thankfully NS has left us loads of common ground to cover, introductions to be made "Oh I was from 38 SCE, you know where Sungei Gedong is? Yeah, armored engineer, how bout you?" I guess it'll all work out somehow. I realize though that when I meet new people though I'm now a lot less reticient and reluctant to open up, I have this tendency to be overwhelmed/crowded out by the shall-we-say more outspoken and boistrous of those you'd find in a group. Suffice to say I prefer my interactions to be on a more personal and intimate level, something which I find lacking in larger group interactions; in which I feel intimacy and perhaps even sincerity may have to be sacrificed in the interest of being inclusive, which is very much a skill in and as of itself, but I just don't seem to have the energy! Alvin kept quoting from that book of his that while we may be able to adapt to various social situations, those we find ourselves most comfortable with are indicative of our personalities (a bit duh but hey wth). I guess I'm an introvert way inside, not much of a surprise, that, I just lack the high-ness to thrive in big group situations, they're often mentally taxing and I often find myself feeling drained after the event, though I'll admit to having enjoyed myself a fair bit.
Saturday, received a call around 12.10 at home from Kang Hui's bandmate, asking whether she "was around", thinking she wasn't at home, I replied that she wasn't till Kang Yan corrected me; she was still sleeping. Cue shock from her friend, cause apparently KH was supposed to meet with her section for rehearsals for the matinee performance of her concert not much later on. She was so hysterical when woken up that I actually felt sorry for her (which makes me sound worse than I am, honest) so I calmed her down before walking her out, fortunately for her she got a lift from my aunt and uncle, so she wasn't too late. It really was quite amusing to watch her hysterics though! Speaking of missed calls turns out I got shortlisted for the student union camp, many applicants, very few slots so evidently I was quite lucky. I, however, didn't pick up the original call from my would-be facil - sister turned my phone to silent mode when I left it to charge... - and when he called back later, he at first wasted a lot of time trolling me by saying he was from the Med faculty and had to review my application cause they'd taken in too many people (yeah right...) before asking me to sing him a song. It should have struck me that it was basic ragging and that I should have played along a lot better, but sad to say I phailed very badly (I mean it shouldn't be that hard to think of a song and just sing it however badly on the spot, right?) and then had to hang up on him mid-call to attend the aforesaid concert; horrible timing by all accounts, he actually called right when I was about to enter the concert hall and they were about to close the doors for the performances to begin, and when I smsed him asking whether I could call back the next day, apparently they were done selecting people for the camp, so missed opportunity there perhaps... More time to myself before school begins, then.
I've been watching a shitload of movies lately, and that in addition to loads of time spent trawling the depths of Youtube, I'll leave that for another post.
And the days roll by. Without the continuous rhythm of book ins and outs to mark the passage of time I've been finding myself quite lost to be honest. Every day's a Friday. TGIF~
Thursday, July 4, 2013
On Hiatus, for now
Well, it's over, for now, that is. It's strange how much clutter the past 17 months have left me, clutter in my room, head and heart.
That last day Friday in Gedong had sadness, nostalgia and no small measure of joy I'll admit all rolled up into one. I had delayed on signing my clearance forms, perhaps borne of an unvocalized and irrational desire to prolong my stay, and once I wanted to get it signed, I realized to my dismay that Captain Paul (my OC) had taken overseas leave for the rest of the week and I had to find someone else to sign it, a little more troublesome than it needed to be. After that I needed to pass the forms on to Persnode and to surrender my camp pass as well, however after making the trip down I found (and at this point I was more bemused than anything else) a sign pasted on the door "We will be closed on 280613 and will be open for half a day on 010713" so having posted the previous night that I had probably spent my last night in Gedong and would miss the place, the irony that perhaps I'd been granted my wish afterall wasn't lost on me. Eventually though, I was able to drop it off with my S1 for safekeeping and a promise that they'd pass it on to Persnode for me; much to my relief. The rest of the morning was pretty much spent packing the last of my things, making decisions on what to leave behind, what not to, farewells bade, signing out on the book in/out book for the last time (Reason: Disruption how understated) followed by one last trip down to the E-mart with Kenneth, Nelson and Lt. Gerald to spend the last of my credits (boots for everyone!), "luggage" in tow, and out, out the guardhouse, "Once Armour Always Armour" same for armoured engineers?, and off to CMPB, an exchange, green for pink, immeasurable elation, a civilian once more.
I'm glad then, that after rushing through my dental and medical FFIs on Wednesday (a farce, if I may say so) that I had the opportunity to sweat it out with the rest of the section in reassembling one side of the Wallaby tank's track, breaking the other side and stripping the track pads from it. Sweaty but honest work, and if felt good to work on arguably our toughest task as AE with the rest for the last time, along with the satisfaction of a job well done. I couldn't help but have some lingering feelings, guilt at being unable to help the guys with the rest of Wallaby prep, so many things unsettled and undone, missing the retarded and fun times together, yet I know that these are soon to evaporate, as such sentiment is wont to do, with the passage of time. Does the time that we had together have any less meaning because of that? I think not.
As a whole, and in a bid to put a fullstop to this stage of my NS journey, it's certainly been an eye-opening experience, one that I find myself able to look upon (selectively, of course) with no small amount of fondness.The pretty quintessential army experience in BMT and SCS, along with the totally unexpected opportunity to be an Armored Engineer and drive a freaking tank are all going to reside in my memory. It's fairly obvious, at least to myself, that I've changed, to some extent or the other, throughout my time in NS. I've met people who I've truly disliked (quite a first, trust me) and as I progressed through, I think I've become, on some level, more impatient and quick to judge, sometimes quick to frustration (though hopefully not to frustrate). I have though, at least I'd like to think, become a little better at communicating, more open, and really, quite a bit better at standing up for myself. Amidst all this change, I've also come to realize that there are aspects of myself which for better or worse, aren't going to change as easily. Army has made me aware of my limitations. It's not an easy thing to accept, knowing that no matter how much I try, though there are aspects of my personality which sway perceptions of me in ways I don't entirely enjoy, that there's sometimes not much that I can do about it. I can't help but wonder if that's a role which I've sunk myself into too deeply to find my way out of at this point of time. And do we, as we go on and meet new people in life, seek to assign and consign them to familiar roles, in a subconscious bid to simplify daily interactions? It kinda makes sense, if you take it that our Monkey Spheres only have room for so many people, so taking it as if we were interacting with the same basic kinds of people, over and over again, might make things easier, no? Or perhaps as we enter foreign environments, we seek comfort in familiarity, make attempts to recreate what we already had, slide easily into roles we're used to adopting, substitution at work. Pretty interesting line of thought for personal pondering, maybe.
I've deviated somewhat from my original aim, I guess that's for the best, I've been left with a wealth of memories, loads of nostalgia and if I were to unload it all here I'd probably never be finished. Let's leave it as such, for now, though I still feel somewhat unsatisfied. Maybe I'll come back sometime in the future (not)
It's time to move on, on and on. And while the magic may not always flow, I'd like that we move on together, for a little more at least, though hopefully a lot longer.
That last day Friday in Gedong had sadness, nostalgia and no small measure of joy I'll admit all rolled up into one. I had delayed on signing my clearance forms, perhaps borne of an unvocalized and irrational desire to prolong my stay, and once I wanted to get it signed, I realized to my dismay that Captain Paul (my OC) had taken overseas leave for the rest of the week and I had to find someone else to sign it, a little more troublesome than it needed to be. After that I needed to pass the forms on to Persnode and to surrender my camp pass as well, however after making the trip down I found (and at this point I was more bemused than anything else) a sign pasted on the door "We will be closed on 280613 and will be open for half a day on 010713" so having posted the previous night that I had probably spent my last night in Gedong and would miss the place, the irony that perhaps I'd been granted my wish afterall wasn't lost on me. Eventually though, I was able to drop it off with my S1 for safekeeping and a promise that they'd pass it on to Persnode for me; much to my relief. The rest of the morning was pretty much spent packing the last of my things, making decisions on what to leave behind, what not to, farewells bade, signing out on the book in/out book for the last time (Reason: Disruption how understated) followed by one last trip down to the E-mart with Kenneth, Nelson and Lt. Gerald to spend the last of my credits (boots for everyone!), "luggage" in tow, and out, out the guardhouse, "Once Armour Always Armour" same for armoured engineers?, and off to CMPB, an exchange, green for pink, immeasurable elation, a civilian once more.
I'm glad then, that after rushing through my dental and medical FFIs on Wednesday (a farce, if I may say so) that I had the opportunity to sweat it out with the rest of the section in reassembling one side of the Wallaby tank's track, breaking the other side and stripping the track pads from it. Sweaty but honest work, and if felt good to work on arguably our toughest task as AE with the rest for the last time, along with the satisfaction of a job well done. I couldn't help but have some lingering feelings, guilt at being unable to help the guys with the rest of Wallaby prep, so many things unsettled and undone, missing the retarded and fun times together, yet I know that these are soon to evaporate, as such sentiment is wont to do, with the passage of time. Does the time that we had together have any less meaning because of that? I think not.
As a whole, and in a bid to put a fullstop to this stage of my NS journey, it's certainly been an eye-opening experience, one that I find myself able to look upon (selectively, of course) with no small amount of fondness.The pretty quintessential army experience in BMT and SCS, along with the totally unexpected opportunity to be an Armored Engineer and drive a freaking tank are all going to reside in my memory. It's fairly obvious, at least to myself, that I've changed, to some extent or the other, throughout my time in NS. I've met people who I've truly disliked (quite a first, trust me) and as I progressed through, I think I've become, on some level, more impatient and quick to judge, sometimes quick to frustration (though hopefully not to frustrate). I have though, at least I'd like to think, become a little better at communicating, more open, and really, quite a bit better at standing up for myself. Amidst all this change, I've also come to realize that there are aspects of myself which for better or worse, aren't going to change as easily. Army has made me aware of my limitations. It's not an easy thing to accept, knowing that no matter how much I try, though there are aspects of my personality which sway perceptions of me in ways I don't entirely enjoy, that there's sometimes not much that I can do about it. I can't help but wonder if that's a role which I've sunk myself into too deeply to find my way out of at this point of time. And do we, as we go on and meet new people in life, seek to assign and consign them to familiar roles, in a subconscious bid to simplify daily interactions? It kinda makes sense, if you take it that our Monkey Spheres only have room for so many people, so taking it as if we were interacting with the same basic kinds of people, over and over again, might make things easier, no? Or perhaps as we enter foreign environments, we seek comfort in familiarity, make attempts to recreate what we already had, slide easily into roles we're used to adopting, substitution at work. Pretty interesting line of thought for personal pondering, maybe.
I've deviated somewhat from my original aim, I guess that's for the best, I've been left with a wealth of memories, loads of nostalgia and if I were to unload it all here I'd probably never be finished. Let's leave it as such, for now, though I still feel somewhat unsatisfied. Maybe I'll come back sometime in the future (not)
It's time to move on, on and on. And while the magic may not always flow, I'd like that we move on together, for a little more at least, though hopefully a lot longer.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
The Monday after I posted that post, I was called up to S1s office and told, without much fanfare that I was approved to disrupt for my studies at NTU. It's been quite a rush, signing all the relevant documents as well as agreeing to extend my service by 212 days when I come back so that I can fulfill the minimum 1 year serving as an MO, quite painful considering how much time I'm losing to NS versus my peers, but I was never going to come out on top in that aspect anyway, so I'm not complaining too much. Amidst the application for FFIs, serving my last COS (and getting pranked by Justin, REC Jameson Lee and 1SG Sundram Murugan lol, felt like dao-ing the call but I had a duty to perform), going down to the medical centre for my blood test, hasty attempts to help my section wrap up some outstanding work while also having to sort through my stash of stuff in my locker to pack my duffel bag and ready myself to leave, I've barely had time to catch my breath - not that I'd want to amidst the prevailing haze - not to mention really think about how I feel about all this.I know that most of it is nostalgia, that feeling you get when you know you'll never have anything quite like you had before, of having to move on from something that's familiar, not necessarily good and enjoyable all the time, but comfortable. I suppose I won't be able to be with my section anymore, and the feeling was quite intense, as I ran about settling my stuff last week, and when I got back there was this irrevocable distance I felt between us, they're already moving on, mentally ready to carry on without me, so where does that leave me, exactly? All set to carry on my own little tangent, that's simply the nature of meetings and partings, isn't it? I'll probably never get to touch a tank, let alone operate the L2-AVLB again, barring anything absolutely catastrophic. I'm not complaining, I hardly could, when I've been so unbelievably fortunate, but I've always been one who's been bad at moving on. (Or, I fear sometimes, altogether too good, too quick too adept at amputating that which feels dear to me, casting it aside, phantom limbs ache now and then)
It all feels so heartless, doesn't it? That life could go on much as before, we meet new people, have new experiences, move onwards smile on face with nary a glance backwards for those we've left behind. It's fair though, everyone carries on eventually, some sooner, some later, but I'd like to think that in our heart of hearts we all bear fragments of time spent together, moments locked in time we return to from time to time, and maybe that's enough to keep us going.
I've had an extended weekend clearing my remaining off and such; most of it spent at home by virtue of the haze, mostly surfing the net haha. While burning time on Youtube I decided to watch something apart from Dota2 replays, and it's hard, for me at least, because I find that the suggestions based on what you're already subscribed too and have watched recently actually seek to restrict me to such a small swathe of the content actually available. In a bid to escape this profiling, I ended up randomly typing keywords into the search bar and found myself at the Tested.com channel. So what drew me to it is this: Apart from loads of cool-ish tech related stuff, it also has interviews and such with Jamie and Adam of Mythbusters, which/who I'm a total fanboy off haha. No idea whether it's a testament to how bored I've been, but I've been watching ALOT of their videos. They're wonderful people. I actually spent 1/2 an hour watching Adam building a box. Seriously. Hmm I think I'll embed it here:
What held my fascination about this was him bringing us through the entire process, from conception to final product, and well basically observing how meticulous he is with even the smallest detail. These guys are pros in the special effects industry, years of experience, and it shows in the execution and the way he tackled it. Damn good way to spend 30 mins if your opp costs are pretty low hehe.
And for further inspiration:
A speech he gave at Maker Faire 2012. I don't know how relevant this could be to most of us, in what we want to do, but it's something I'd recommend anyway. 15.30 onwards where he speaks about his "Manifesto" is particularly inspiring. I've written before of my fascination with the concept of "Makers" put forth by Orson Scott Card in the Tales of Alvin Maker series, and he just seems like the epitome of that. And maybe we may not possess the technical know-how and skills to do things on the level he does, we may never, but each time we try to put things together in ways they haven't been before, or even if they have been done before, doing it for ourselves, or in a more figurative sense, come up with new ideas and concepts which we're fascinated with and working on and developing them, we're makers in our own right.
"The maker is the one who is part of what he makes"
I can't admit that I know where all this leads to, just wanted to get it out there. It's been a restful prolonged weekend, some good chilling with JAM for dinner and Acid Bar, I made a trip down to Bishan the other day to get my photo taken for matriculation (another pain but a crucial step forward) and borrowed some books too, a couple about Machiavelli, Kant, the case for pessimism and Dan Brown. Wonder whether I'll be able to finish them before school starts haha.
It all feels so heartless, doesn't it? That life could go on much as before, we meet new people, have new experiences, move onwards smile on face with nary a glance backwards for those we've left behind. It's fair though, everyone carries on eventually, some sooner, some later, but I'd like to think that in our heart of hearts we all bear fragments of time spent together, moments locked in time we return to from time to time, and maybe that's enough to keep us going.
I've had an extended weekend clearing my remaining off and such; most of it spent at home by virtue of the haze, mostly surfing the net haha. While burning time on Youtube I decided to watch something apart from Dota2 replays, and it's hard, for me at least, because I find that the suggestions based on what you're already subscribed too and have watched recently actually seek to restrict me to such a small swathe of the content actually available. In a bid to escape this profiling, I ended up randomly typing keywords into the search bar and found myself at the Tested.com channel. So what drew me to it is this: Apart from loads of cool-ish tech related stuff, it also has interviews and such with Jamie and Adam of Mythbusters, which/who I'm a total fanboy off haha. No idea whether it's a testament to how bored I've been, but I've been watching ALOT of their videos. They're wonderful people. I actually spent 1/2 an hour watching Adam building a box. Seriously. Hmm I think I'll embed it here:
What held my fascination about this was him bringing us through the entire process, from conception to final product, and well basically observing how meticulous he is with even the smallest detail. These guys are pros in the special effects industry, years of experience, and it shows in the execution and the way he tackled it. Damn good way to spend 30 mins if your opp costs are pretty low hehe.
And for further inspiration:
A speech he gave at Maker Faire 2012. I don't know how relevant this could be to most of us, in what we want to do, but it's something I'd recommend anyway. 15.30 onwards where he speaks about his "Manifesto" is particularly inspiring. I've written before of my fascination with the concept of "Makers" put forth by Orson Scott Card in the Tales of Alvin Maker series, and he just seems like the epitome of that. And maybe we may not possess the technical know-how and skills to do things on the level he does, we may never, but each time we try to put things together in ways they haven't been before, or even if they have been done before, doing it for ourselves, or in a more figurative sense, come up with new ideas and concepts which we're fascinated with and working on and developing them, we're makers in our own right.
"The maker is the one who is part of what he makes"
I can't admit that I know where all this leads to, just wanted to get it out there. It's been a restful prolonged weekend, some good chilling with JAM for dinner and Acid Bar, I made a trip down to Bishan the other day to get my photo taken for matriculation (another pain but a crucial step forward) and borrowed some books too, a couple about Machiavelli, Kant, the case for pessimism and Dan Brown. Wonder whether I'll be able to finish them before school starts haha.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
When the air turns to poison (A contemporary edition)
As someone who used to be a sci-fi aficionado, I'm pretty familiar with those cautionary portrayals of a not-so-distant future, replete with the various environmental impacts of human exploitation on the Earth, and more interestingly, the way mankind copes with them. Be it relocating from the affected areas, building cities upon spires in the sky ala The Jetsons, burrowing under the earth to seek refuge, ensconcing ourselves in great spheres, or abandoning the planet and scattering to the cosmos, Wall-e comes to mind in this case. The fertility of human imagination and the will to live form a potent combination, giving birth to such fantastical "solutions". That's what I love about sci-fi: Its exploration of the trajectory of society's progress; where it may lead and the issues it may bring.
Which very neatly brings me, after much vacillation to the current hazy situation. But rather than an apportioning of blame, or comment about the ineffectual flapping around on the political front, because really, what can we do? What's been more interesting to me have been the ways we've been dealing with the haze: From the more mundane N95 masks, to the guys donning full-face chemical defense masks, it's obvious that this has impacted us to some extent. And this isn't the first time we've been the victims of our neighbor's negative externalities, so much so that the face mask has become something of a seasonal garb for some of us, but it's unprecedented in degree and has quite rightly unsettled various individuals seated in high places. In the army (cause that's pretty much all I know), response was as swift as could be expected, urged on no doubt by the current safety climate (8th core value lol), outdoor activities were quickly curtailed before eventually being cut-off altogether - disrupting our plans to change tracks, you won't find me complaining though - and the night found us seeking refuge in the offices, pillows and blankets in hand - sorry if I'm giving a negative portrayal of the army - as PSI levels soared, having had our hopes of being allowed to head home dashed mercilessly. All this while I found myself melodramatically entertaining thoughts of what could happen were pollution levels to persist or perhaps even continue to climb further, air handling units whirling desperately as their filters get clogged up with carbon particles in the air, people beginning to drop like flies, those with past history first, as the realization sinks in that the air we used to breathe and take for-granted is simply no longer breathable. Conjuring scenarios of whether this could hint at the harbinger of a new Ice Age, caused not by the eruption of nascent super-volcanos, ash clouding the sky, but rather the spread of flames beyond what we claim to be able to control, soot released, blocking the sun. Pretty far-fetched but an interesting 'exercise' for a way too idle mind.
I make no claim to be a bleeding-heart environmentalist, but it should be pretty clear that environmental preservation or even simply limiting the extent of environmental damage simply isn't possible within a solely capitalist environment. Companies cannot be made to wholly feel the consequences of their actions, since these negative externalities can hardly be localised, and rarely, if ever, will they feel the onus to sacrifice some of their profits in the name of the environmental protection. There has to be something above the profit margins that we're all answerable to, a corporate and social accountability. Even setting that aside and looking at profits alone, one glance at the curative/coping measures sci-fi writers and/or scientists (though the two are hardly mutually exclusive) have laid out before us will inform us that these measures will not come cheaply. Would it not be remiss if not downright negligent to ignore the long-term costs of environmental damage in favour of short-term profits? "Prevention is better than cure", "A stitch in time saves nine", adages so overused that we're all sick of them, but that's the only possible course of action, if you don't wish to see us scrambling over ourselves to find the next solution; at that point long queues to get N95 masks will be the least of our concerns. If corporations can't be made to plan and act with the future in mind, besides some blatantly token gestures of appeasement, shouldn't that be where the very visible hand comes in to make them do so? It's not going to be easy, when such huge sums of money are involved, the system needs much enforcement: When the government claims no control over the activities of such corporations within their own jurisdictions, even when these activities are illegal, then you know that there's something very wrong going on.
Someone has to bite the bullet, before we're all forced to do so somewhere down the line of inaction, excuses and false promises.
An interesting question, a little food for thought though: Why protect the environment? Above I've only talked about (and not at any particular depth even at that) the benefits accrued to mankind, or conversely the discomfort we stand to experience and the costs accumulated by sustained environmental damage. Are there any further reasons? Our intrinsic and inextricable link to the natural environment around us and an innate capacity to appreciate it? The intangible joy we experience while enveloping ourselves in it? The desire to preserve it for our children? Or even out of, as the cynical may call it, a sense of nostalgia, to keep things just as they are. Even then, all these intangibles derive themselves from a very human perspective. Motivations which if not exactly selfish harbour at least a little self-interest. Is there anything else? Thinking about all this brings me back to those PW days, really. Heh perhaps I'd benefit from digging up those materials and having a look around.
Which very neatly brings me, after much vacillation to the current hazy situation. But rather than an apportioning of blame, or comment about the ineffectual flapping around on the political front, because really, what can we do? What's been more interesting to me have been the ways we've been dealing with the haze: From the more mundane N95 masks, to the guys donning full-face chemical defense masks, it's obvious that this has impacted us to some extent. And this isn't the first time we've been the victims of our neighbor's negative externalities, so much so that the face mask has become something of a seasonal garb for some of us, but it's unprecedented in degree and has quite rightly unsettled various individuals seated in high places. In the army (cause that's pretty much all I know), response was as swift as could be expected, urged on no doubt by the current safety climate (8th core value lol), outdoor activities were quickly curtailed before eventually being cut-off altogether - disrupting our plans to change tracks, you won't find me complaining though - and the night found us seeking refuge in the offices, pillows and blankets in hand - sorry if I'm giving a negative portrayal of the army - as PSI levels soared, having had our hopes of being allowed to head home dashed mercilessly. All this while I found myself melodramatically entertaining thoughts of what could happen were pollution levels to persist or perhaps even continue to climb further, air handling units whirling desperately as their filters get clogged up with carbon particles in the air, people beginning to drop like flies, those with past history first, as the realization sinks in that the air we used to breathe and take for-granted is simply no longer breathable. Conjuring scenarios of whether this could hint at the harbinger of a new Ice Age, caused not by the eruption of nascent super-volcanos, ash clouding the sky, but rather the spread of flames beyond what we claim to be able to control, soot released, blocking the sun. Pretty far-fetched but an interesting 'exercise' for a way too idle mind.
I make no claim to be a bleeding-heart environmentalist, but it should be pretty clear that environmental preservation or even simply limiting the extent of environmental damage simply isn't possible within a solely capitalist environment. Companies cannot be made to wholly feel the consequences of their actions, since these negative externalities can hardly be localised, and rarely, if ever, will they feel the onus to sacrifice some of their profits in the name of the environmental protection. There has to be something above the profit margins that we're all answerable to, a corporate and social accountability. Even setting that aside and looking at profits alone, one glance at the curative/coping measures sci-fi writers and/or scientists (though the two are hardly mutually exclusive) have laid out before us will inform us that these measures will not come cheaply. Would it not be remiss if not downright negligent to ignore the long-term costs of environmental damage in favour of short-term profits? "Prevention is better than cure", "A stitch in time saves nine", adages so overused that we're all sick of them, but that's the only possible course of action, if you don't wish to see us scrambling over ourselves to find the next solution; at that point long queues to get N95 masks will be the least of our concerns. If corporations can't be made to plan and act with the future in mind, besides some blatantly token gestures of appeasement, shouldn't that be where the very visible hand comes in to make them do so? It's not going to be easy, when such huge sums of money are involved, the system needs much enforcement: When the government claims no control over the activities of such corporations within their own jurisdictions, even when these activities are illegal, then you know that there's something very wrong going on.
Someone has to bite the bullet, before we're all forced to do so somewhere down the line of inaction, excuses and false promises.
An interesting question, a little food for thought though: Why protect the environment? Above I've only talked about (and not at any particular depth even at that) the benefits accrued to mankind, or conversely the discomfort we stand to experience and the costs accumulated by sustained environmental damage. Are there any further reasons? Our intrinsic and inextricable link to the natural environment around us and an innate capacity to appreciate it? The intangible joy we experience while enveloping ourselves in it? The desire to preserve it for our children? Or even out of, as the cynical may call it, a sense of nostalgia, to keep things just as they are. Even then, all these intangibles derive themselves from a very human perspective. Motivations which if not exactly selfish harbour at least a little self-interest. Is there anything else? Thinking about all this brings me back to those PW days, really. Heh perhaps I'd benefit from digging up those materials and having a look around.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Time in Transit
It's funny now that I think about it, that for the past couple of weeks now, I've been in a slump of sorts, unable to muster any motivation while in camp and overcome by this overwhelming sian-ness. I don't have anything against NS in particular, but it also isn't an experience that I'd savor, more like something necessary but uncomfortable that I'd rather get over and done with ASAP. It actually brings to mind a picture TianYuan showed be way back in J2, something she'd composed, of a whole bunch on people in a MRT, each occupied either with a book, music, conversations etc, all directing their attention on something/anything else except the journey, as they hurtled on, thus ensconced, to their next destination. A time in transit, a journey we attempt in multifarious ways to distance ourselves from, and on we go.
Yet with the very imminent prospect of having this journey cut short, I find myself pondering over it more and more. Day to day life will never be quite the same, to say the least, never will I find myself working and living so closely (awkward phrasing? x.x) with my friends and sectionmates, days occupied with the very immediate worries, none of those nebulous thoughts about what the future may bring, only concerns about how to dodge the next arrow, and planning for the week ahead.
Is it something I'll miss? I obviously have mixed feelings about that.
I don't dislike my vocation and role; I actually enjoy operating the L2-AVLB, and have some pride in the proficiency I've developed at doing so, acquiring the knack of driving against the brakes; maintaining the delicate balance between the service brakes and accelerator pedals, learning to judge for myself, from the operator's seat the tank's alignment with the bridge, without the need for a ground guide, the familiarity with the whole launching and retrieval procedure I've gained, and the growing ease with which we deal with our package operations as well, something initially performed with trepidation. I remember, of course, the immense sense of satisfaction of a job well done which permeates the body (though that may be the fatigue speaking) after a particularly tiring servicing, not to mention after breaking, changing and re-linking our tracks.
So I guess my point is that amidst all the sian moments which I've been experiencing in the day to day routine, and how there is little "spiritual fulfillment" to be found in life in camp, there are things to enjoy, and well, whether I get to disrupt or not, I'll try my best to appreciate, if not savor these last few days/months of this phase of life, rather than make attempts to emotionally distance myself from it.
Some recent events in camp that I'm not sure you guys would be all too interested to hear about but they're pretty noteworthy (to myself at least) nonetheless.
More of my seniors ORD-ed 2 weeks ago, and the feeling was really driven home when I booked in last week and realized that they weren't around anymore. Now, I didn't really make great efforts to engage each and every one of them, but being at the same coy line, their presence was always so ubiquitous, so unavoidable, so reassuring in a way. Having some of them drop by my bunk at night for some random chatting, their constant incursions into our platoon office during the day was always a welcome interruption to the days tedium, and even the usual di-xiaoing ever-present in any group of guys are all things - minor things, no doubt - that I will miss. The company just seems so much emptier now. It's not like partings and goodbyes are something new, as a 1 1/2 yr soldier I've got to experience more than a couple of those, but it's been a poignant experience each time. I have no idea whether we'll be keeping in touch; I somehow feel that for my generation at least, the saying that army builds bonds for a lifetime doesn't hold much water, but I'll always be thankful for our crossing of paths and the memories it wrought. Who do we hold on to, who do we let go? Pertinent questions at this stage of life when all I seem to have are an ever dwindling circle of friends, who I treasure ever more for it, but honestly who knows what the future may bring.
With the recent near-complete change in the command team; OC changed 2 months back, CSM just 2 weeks ago, things have really been looking up. I'd rather not speak (too) negatively of the old one, because I'm aware that we don't know the full picture, and that they were probably also under a lot of pressure from above, but the change in atmosphere within the company is palpable. I helps so much to have an OC who's able to hold a normal conversation with his guys and basically communicate his thoughts to a greater extent without having things being all awkward, and to have a CSM who's willing to listen to our views; he actually spent the weeks prior to taking over informally approaching all the various sections to ask how we felt about the previous regime, and to find out our various causes for dissatisfaction, and followed up on all of them very promptly. I've been impressed at the level of engagement he has shown, and with the way he addresses us as if he were one of us, taking care to explain the rationale for the things we have to do, not implementing unnecessary measures, and overall giving off the impression that he's staunchly on our side. It's commanders like these who show an appreciation and understanding of our efforts and limitations that engender a willingness to work under them, as well as a happiness in getting work done; there's been a wholesale change in the style of leadership, which till now has been very top-down in approach, and all of us appreciate it. Of course we're still in the early days yet, no idea how things will turn out in the long run, but if they keep things up the days ahead in MEC seem to be shaping up pretty well indeed.
Yet with the very imminent prospect of having this journey cut short, I find myself pondering over it more and more. Day to day life will never be quite the same, to say the least, never will I find myself working and living so closely (awkward phrasing? x.x) with my friends and sectionmates, days occupied with the very immediate worries, none of those nebulous thoughts about what the future may bring, only concerns about how to dodge the next arrow, and planning for the week ahead.
Is it something I'll miss? I obviously have mixed feelings about that.
I don't dislike my vocation and role; I actually enjoy operating the L2-AVLB, and have some pride in the proficiency I've developed at doing so, acquiring the knack of driving against the brakes; maintaining the delicate balance between the service brakes and accelerator pedals, learning to judge for myself, from the operator's seat the tank's alignment with the bridge, without the need for a ground guide, the familiarity with the whole launching and retrieval procedure I've gained, and the growing ease with which we deal with our package operations as well, something initially performed with trepidation. I remember, of course, the immense sense of satisfaction of a job well done which permeates the body (though that may be the fatigue speaking) after a particularly tiring servicing, not to mention after breaking, changing and re-linking our tracks.
So I guess my point is that amidst all the sian moments which I've been experiencing in the day to day routine, and how there is little "spiritual fulfillment" to be found in life in camp, there are things to enjoy, and well, whether I get to disrupt or not, I'll try my best to appreciate, if not savor these last few days/months of this phase of life, rather than make attempts to emotionally distance myself from it.
Some recent events in camp that I'm not sure you guys would be all too interested to hear about but they're pretty noteworthy (to myself at least) nonetheless.
More of my seniors ORD-ed 2 weeks ago, and the feeling was really driven home when I booked in last week and realized that they weren't around anymore. Now, I didn't really make great efforts to engage each and every one of them, but being at the same coy line, their presence was always so ubiquitous, so unavoidable, so reassuring in a way. Having some of them drop by my bunk at night for some random chatting, their constant incursions into our platoon office during the day was always a welcome interruption to the days tedium, and even the usual di-xiaoing ever-present in any group of guys are all things - minor things, no doubt - that I will miss. The company just seems so much emptier now. It's not like partings and goodbyes are something new, as a 1 1/2 yr soldier I've got to experience more than a couple of those, but it's been a poignant experience each time. I have no idea whether we'll be keeping in touch; I somehow feel that for my generation at least, the saying that army builds bonds for a lifetime doesn't hold much water, but I'll always be thankful for our crossing of paths and the memories it wrought. Who do we hold on to, who do we let go? Pertinent questions at this stage of life when all I seem to have are an ever dwindling circle of friends, who I treasure ever more for it, but honestly who knows what the future may bring.
With the recent near-complete change in the command team; OC changed 2 months back, CSM just 2 weeks ago, things have really been looking up. I'd rather not speak (too) negatively of the old one, because I'm aware that we don't know the full picture, and that they were probably also under a lot of pressure from above, but the change in atmosphere within the company is palpable. I helps so much to have an OC who's able to hold a normal conversation with his guys and basically communicate his thoughts to a greater extent without having things being all awkward, and to have a CSM who's willing to listen to our views; he actually spent the weeks prior to taking over informally approaching all the various sections to ask how we felt about the previous regime, and to find out our various causes for dissatisfaction, and followed up on all of them very promptly. I've been impressed at the level of engagement he has shown, and with the way he addresses us as if he were one of us, taking care to explain the rationale for the things we have to do, not implementing unnecessary measures, and overall giving off the impression that he's staunchly on our side. It's commanders like these who show an appreciation and understanding of our efforts and limitations that engender a willingness to work under them, as well as a happiness in getting work done; there's been a wholesale change in the style of leadership, which till now has been very top-down in approach, and all of us appreciate it. Of course we're still in the early days yet, no idea how things will turn out in the long run, but if they keep things up the days ahead in MEC seem to be shaping up pretty well indeed.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Dreams
I dream about it still; didn't think I would but unfortunately that's the way it is. I guess on a subconscious level I want to make things right, but that ship set sail a long time ago.
Often we tell ourselves that only if we had done this or that, then perhaps things might have turned out differently when more often than not it was already decided by the small things cumulatively stacking up over time, catalyzed and sped up by key events maybe, but already set in motion. What could I have done?
This sense of helplessness has only been exacerbated by my time here, and I fear it has tainted my world view as well. So often I find myself at a loss, not, I think, out of an inability to relate, but rather crippled wondering whether I have anything meaningful to offer, whether mere words could have any of an impact. When speaking to my sectionmates I talk not of getting it done well for the sake of it, not of the "higher" purpose, not of leaving our vehicles in the best possible condition, but rather of getting it over and done with, saying it's only a few more months till our juniors come in, we zao to Wallaby then ORD. Such sentiment is so pervasive, it's the norm, and it becomes very hard to think positively, to find any sort of motivation at all. Do note though that while I may be saying all these here (and I'm sure this holds true for others as well) that I still do commit effort to my tasks, I just hit this wall at times where I find any attempts of meaningful communication futile and it takes a step backwards towards getting things done, I've learnt to speak the lingo, and I guess unavoidably been infected as well.
But such a mindset cannot last, the above was not self-justification or defense, it's something I know needs working on; I'd be absolutely terrified if I let it linger in myself after leaving this place. You can't persist with the "get it over and done with" indefinitely; when does it stop? The time as well as the responsibility is mine and I hate going on with this emptiness inside of me, the void left when the fire inside has consumed everything and burned itself out.
I need to sustain my spirit, as we all do, somehow.
Often we tell ourselves that only if we had done this or that, then perhaps things might have turned out differently when more often than not it was already decided by the small things cumulatively stacking up over time, catalyzed and sped up by key events maybe, but already set in motion. What could I have done?
This sense of helplessness has only been exacerbated by my time here, and I fear it has tainted my world view as well. So often I find myself at a loss, not, I think, out of an inability to relate, but rather crippled wondering whether I have anything meaningful to offer, whether mere words could have any of an impact. When speaking to my sectionmates I talk not of getting it done well for the sake of it, not of the "higher" purpose, not of leaving our vehicles in the best possible condition, but rather of getting it over and done with, saying it's only a few more months till our juniors come in, we zao to Wallaby then ORD. Such sentiment is so pervasive, it's the norm, and it becomes very hard to think positively, to find any sort of motivation at all. Do note though that while I may be saying all these here (and I'm sure this holds true for others as well) that I still do commit effort to my tasks, I just hit this wall at times where I find any attempts of meaningful communication futile and it takes a step backwards towards getting things done, I've learnt to speak the lingo, and I guess unavoidably been infected as well.
But such a mindset cannot last, the above was not self-justification or defense, it's something I know needs working on; I'd be absolutely terrified if I let it linger in myself after leaving this place. You can't persist with the "get it over and done with" indefinitely; when does it stop? The time as well as the responsibility is mine and I hate going on with this emptiness inside of me, the void left when the fire inside has consumed everything and burned itself out.
I need to sustain my spirit, as we all do, somehow.
Friday, May 31, 2013
When the passion's gone and all that's left is routine and counting the days as they crawl by, what then? I wish I had an answer, but unfortunately I'm as much of a stranger/victim as you, feels much like poking around in the dark, it's all really quite meaningless at the moment. Where were we at the start of all this? Not exactly brimming with energy but eager, at least, to fulfill the potential and expectations, to serve and pay our dues. I find it both telling and immensely sad that the organization contrives so well to sap those very men - us - who it relies upon to keep "moving" (I could be a lot more sarcastic here but I'll refrain) forwards of their drive and motivation by lumping them with a whole steaming pile of nothing? We want to feel rewarded, or at the very least appreciated for our efforts, above and beyond the job description, instead of having all this crap shoved indifferently down our throats. Routine, threats of revoking so-called privileges etc, it's not that I don't get where you're coming from and it's evident that there's a serious divergence in terms of expectations on both sides, but when one party is simply shafted into compliance you obviously can't expect optimal results now can you?
And when we have to stand and fight for what is "right" amongst the ranks of the disillusioned, unmotivated and downright lazy, it helps a lot if you can just give us some kind of reason to carry on, rather than finding ourselves attempting - futilely I feel inclined to add - to justify and marshal them to carry on, while the temptation to join them; in a system which taxes the try-hards & go-getters while rewarding the "smart" ones who geng all the way, grows stronger day by day. It's all become quite meaningless to me, and I know that there's a mixed morality at play here when I find myself unable to explain exactly what it is that is wrong with the self-righteous geng-sters, why afterall, go for bothersome parades when a status is so readily available with a quick trip down to the MO? Why not pluck some wisdom teeth, get medical appointments (MAs) whenever convenient and just disappear for the rest of the day? Why not, even, go for a circumcision and get half a month of Att C? Why indeed.
I find myself speechless; there's really no rational argument against it. I read this book "Why be good", something along those lines way back in RJ, it's certainly beneficial to adhere to the system but even more so to cheat it whilst giving all appearance of compliance, and that's something which ultimately it wasn't able to satisfactorily address.
How now? I'm still pretty sure about what I believe in, but find myself in the odd position of being unable to justify it to and bring others around to it. It's a troubling position to adopt, especially when it's impossible, not to mention incredibly tiring to work alone, and I'm also not noble enough to do so, so I find myself being sucked into this overwhelming vortex of temptation and hating myself for it every step of the way.
I have ideas! Things I want to implement! Things which I think will really help in terms of longevity and so on. But support is so difficult to garner, especially in this messed up shithole, and something else always crops up..and they sink into the morass once more.
A way, perhaps, to subdue the enthusiasm, preserve it and keep it from dying out. Save it for something outside which is really worth fighting for, maybe that's it.
Meanwhile, the days pass, and that's about it.
And when we have to stand and fight for what is "right" amongst the ranks of the disillusioned, unmotivated and downright lazy, it helps a lot if you can just give us some kind of reason to carry on, rather than finding ourselves attempting - futilely I feel inclined to add - to justify and marshal them to carry on, while the temptation to join them; in a system which taxes the try-hards & go-getters while rewarding the "smart" ones who geng all the way, grows stronger day by day. It's all become quite meaningless to me, and I know that there's a mixed morality at play here when I find myself unable to explain exactly what it is that is wrong with the self-righteous geng-sters, why afterall, go for bothersome parades when a status is so readily available with a quick trip down to the MO? Why not pluck some wisdom teeth, get medical appointments (MAs) whenever convenient and just disappear for the rest of the day? Why not, even, go for a circumcision and get half a month of Att C? Why indeed.
I find myself speechless; there's really no rational argument against it. I read this book "Why be good", something along those lines way back in RJ, it's certainly beneficial to adhere to the system but even more so to cheat it whilst giving all appearance of compliance, and that's something which ultimately it wasn't able to satisfactorily address.
How now? I'm still pretty sure about what I believe in, but find myself in the odd position of being unable to justify it to and bring others around to it. It's a troubling position to adopt, especially when it's impossible, not to mention incredibly tiring to work alone, and I'm also not noble enough to do so, so I find myself being sucked into this overwhelming vortex of temptation and hating myself for it every step of the way.
I have ideas! Things I want to implement! Things which I think will really help in terms of longevity and so on. But support is so difficult to garner, especially in this messed up shithole, and something else always crops up..and they sink into the morass once more.
A way, perhaps, to subdue the enthusiasm, preserve it and keep it from dying out. Save it for something outside which is really worth fighting for, maybe that's it.
Meanwhile, the days pass, and that's about it.
Friday, May 24, 2013
COS I can
Seems like another (hopefully) quiet day of contemplation in the office. One which I've admittedly spent much of dozing off ><
The past couple of weeks in camp have been pretty lax off the back of the LAB, which was underwhelming to say the least. No complaints from me though, it has however been an eye-opening experience in the art of cover-ups: Backdating documents, "loaning" something which had been lost out to another department to avoid the check etc. All things which I still find myself not entirely comfortable with, but which still seems like an essential skillset in the working world :/
Monday's ORD function was a joyous affair, I really hadn't realized how attached I'd gotten to some of the outgoing seniors over these few months. Hope they all fare well outside, it's enlightening in a sense because you realize just how much the realities and prospects of poly students differ from those who graduated from JC. Practically only those with insane GPAs stand a good chance of getting into a local unis, some of them have to consider part-time studying while securing a job, and others have to seek a place overseas. While being ecstatic about finally ORD-ing (who wouldn't be?), most of them appear more than a little lost as well, I guess it's just another illustration of how these 2 years under the routine dictated by the SAF really affects us, that the impending prospect of freedom could leave them so baffled.
The event itself was fun, starting off with prawning at Punggol, pretty exciting till you succumb to boredom after long periods with nary a nibble, and then one comes and you tell yourself to be patient, ensure it's well and truly hooked before flicking it out of the water, taking care to grasp it such that the obscenely disproportionate claws (don't see those in the market..) don't get to pinch you while you carefully dislodge the hook and release it into this submerged netting to keep it fresh. And then waiting all over again. A novel experience for me, and it was hilarious to see people flicking the rod too hard such that the prawn literally flew out of the water to land, with much commotion amongst the other fishers, and to see Saw exclaim when he got kiap-ed by one. Horribly expensive though, I checked. Roughly $30 for 3 hours per rod, it cost my whole company $1200 and our catch totaled 12kg. $100 per kg lol..
After that was soccer followed by a chalet cum barbecue, typical army stuff, too much food, loads of alcohol, I got to try some new mixes hehehe and realized I absolutely suck at drinking games, much to my detriment.
I found out last Thursday, much to my disbelief, that I got into NTU via the waiting list. A huge shock for me, cause I had totally given up on it (see one of my previous posts) and was mentally focussed on my application to Australia, dealing with email correspondence - which I always find a chore - with the agent and compiling information on all the relevant deadlines and such. A very welcome surprise though, and my disbelief must have showed when I picked up the phonecall, roused from a rare mid-morning nap in bunk (slack week ma) to listen to some guy claiming to be from LKCSoM and informing me that I'd been offered a place:
"You sure? Because I got an email saying that I was on the priority waiting list...."
"And I'm calling to tell you you've been offered a place"
"So you mean I got in through the waiting list? .....sorry I'm very happy right now.."
"Congratulations, we've sent you the letter of offer, and by the way will you be accepting the offer?"
"Of course!"
"Okay remember to confirm it on the JAP"
"Thanks"
*call ends*
Quite embarrassing now that I think about it, and the guy didn't seem horribly impressed but being in a state of shock I didn't really care. I don't think my brain has mentally readjusted itself yet, I'm going to be staying in Singapore! And if I'm allowed to disrupt, I'll start school this year FFS, how the heck am I going to manage. Alot to think about and prepare myself for, but I'm simply overwhelmed by how immensely fortunate I am, and happy that I didn't write myself off as always ending up with the short end of the stick. This opportunity really does sound promising and exciting to be part of the pioneer batch, or one of the pioneer batches at the very least. The future suddenly seems very clear and "real", no longer sourcing around for schools, filling up application form after application form, taking admissions tests etc but rather going on to the actual thing! I honestly have no idea how I'll fare as a student as I am now, it's quite scary after the long layoff but it's also something that we'll all have to face x.x
This getting in via the waiting list business is a huge thing for me, not because I have any stigma about it, but rather because it illustrates very clearly how little control I actually had over the entire episode. I performed well enough to be placed relatively high on the list I guess, but other than that, it was all predicated on other people's - people who I don't and may never know - decisions and actions; those who chose NUS over NTU for instance, or even the interviewees of those people, to stretch things a little further. So many things, large and small which I had zero control over, and yet which will undoubtedly profoundly affect the course of my life, or the next 5 years at least. Don't you find that at least a little scary? That where we end up down the road may in no small measure be down to so many arbitrary factors, which we may have little to no say in deciding? Sometimes it seems that what free will we have may simply be to justify internally where we wind up. But that's obviously too extreme a view. Our inner drive and motivation sets a direction, and though we may not be able to dictate where we end up, we still choose how we respond and go on from there, that's some solace at least.
So thank you, Fates, for allowing me this chance and to retain a distinctly local flavor in my portion, however meager of this grand tapestry.
Enough wondering and wandering for now, I don't want to sound like too much of a prick, so here it ends. I've got a good Sci-Fi anthology that has suffered much neglect afterall.
The past couple of weeks in camp have been pretty lax off the back of the LAB, which was underwhelming to say the least. No complaints from me though, it has however been an eye-opening experience in the art of cover-ups: Backdating documents, "loaning" something which had been lost out to another department to avoid the check etc. All things which I still find myself not entirely comfortable with, but which still seems like an essential skillset in the working world :/
Monday's ORD function was a joyous affair, I really hadn't realized how attached I'd gotten to some of the outgoing seniors over these few months. Hope they all fare well outside, it's enlightening in a sense because you realize just how much the realities and prospects of poly students differ from those who graduated from JC. Practically only those with insane GPAs stand a good chance of getting into a local unis, some of them have to consider part-time studying while securing a job, and others have to seek a place overseas. While being ecstatic about finally ORD-ing (who wouldn't be?), most of them appear more than a little lost as well, I guess it's just another illustration of how these 2 years under the routine dictated by the SAF really affects us, that the impending prospect of freedom could leave them so baffled.
The event itself was fun, starting off with prawning at Punggol, pretty exciting till you succumb to boredom after long periods with nary a nibble, and then one comes and you tell yourself to be patient, ensure it's well and truly hooked before flicking it out of the water, taking care to grasp it such that the obscenely disproportionate claws (don't see those in the market..) don't get to pinch you while you carefully dislodge the hook and release it into this submerged netting to keep it fresh. And then waiting all over again. A novel experience for me, and it was hilarious to see people flicking the rod too hard such that the prawn literally flew out of the water to land, with much commotion amongst the other fishers, and to see Saw exclaim when he got kiap-ed by one. Horribly expensive though, I checked. Roughly $30 for 3 hours per rod, it cost my whole company $1200 and our catch totaled 12kg. $100 per kg lol..
After that was soccer followed by a chalet cum barbecue, typical army stuff, too much food, loads of alcohol, I got to try some new mixes hehehe and realized I absolutely suck at drinking games, much to my detriment.
I found out last Thursday, much to my disbelief, that I got into NTU via the waiting list. A huge shock for me, cause I had totally given up on it (see one of my previous posts) and was mentally focussed on my application to Australia, dealing with email correspondence - which I always find a chore - with the agent and compiling information on all the relevant deadlines and such. A very welcome surprise though, and my disbelief must have showed when I picked up the phonecall, roused from a rare mid-morning nap in bunk (slack week ma) to listen to some guy claiming to be from LKCSoM and informing me that I'd been offered a place:
"You sure? Because I got an email saying that I was on the priority waiting list...."
"And I'm calling to tell you you've been offered a place"
"So you mean I got in through the waiting list? .....sorry I'm very happy right now.."
"Congratulations, we've sent you the letter of offer, and by the way will you be accepting the offer?"
"Of course!"
"Okay remember to confirm it on the JAP"
"Thanks"
*call ends*
Quite embarrassing now that I think about it, and the guy didn't seem horribly impressed but being in a state of shock I didn't really care. I don't think my brain has mentally readjusted itself yet, I'm going to be staying in Singapore! And if I'm allowed to disrupt, I'll start school this year FFS, how the heck am I going to manage. Alot to think about and prepare myself for, but I'm simply overwhelmed by how immensely fortunate I am, and happy that I didn't write myself off as always ending up with the short end of the stick. This opportunity really does sound promising and exciting to be part of the pioneer batch, or one of the pioneer batches at the very least. The future suddenly seems very clear and "real", no longer sourcing around for schools, filling up application form after application form, taking admissions tests etc but rather going on to the actual thing! I honestly have no idea how I'll fare as a student as I am now, it's quite scary after the long layoff but it's also something that we'll all have to face x.x
This getting in via the waiting list business is a huge thing for me, not because I have any stigma about it, but rather because it illustrates very clearly how little control I actually had over the entire episode. I performed well enough to be placed relatively high on the list I guess, but other than that, it was all predicated on other people's - people who I don't and may never know - decisions and actions; those who chose NUS over NTU for instance, or even the interviewees of those people, to stretch things a little further. So many things, large and small which I had zero control over, and yet which will undoubtedly profoundly affect the course of my life, or the next 5 years at least. Don't you find that at least a little scary? That where we end up down the road may in no small measure be down to so many arbitrary factors, which we may have little to no say in deciding? Sometimes it seems that what free will we have may simply be to justify internally where we wind up. But that's obviously too extreme a view. Our inner drive and motivation sets a direction, and though we may not be able to dictate where we end up, we still choose how we respond and go on from there, that's some solace at least.
So thank you, Fates, for allowing me this chance and to retain a distinctly local flavor in my portion, however meager of this grand tapestry.
Enough wondering and wandering for now, I don't want to sound like too much of a prick, so here it ends. I've got a good Sci-Fi anthology that has suffered much neglect afterall.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Trance
Trance, not much food for thought but thoroughly and literally mind fucking, and there were much *ucks to give, and many a "wow that escalated quickly" moment. Really quite fascinating how they're basically going over the same few scenes again and again, with each iteration shedding new light on some previously unremarkable detail, something I really appreciated as all the loose threads came together. Worth a rewatch perhaps, and not only because of certain scenes. I would have liked to see though, a moment at least where that hypnotist wasn't so freaking sure of herself, her composure only really shattered in that last anti-climatic climax, and even then everything worked out the way she wanted it to; where's the fun in that?
Would you rather hurt, or forget that it all ever happened? A pretty pertinent question methinks, a very hypothetical one obviously, given that it's highly likely that we'll be given the choice, but still something worth considering. The film, somewhat ironically, depicted the hypnotherapist as having emotional baggage from a previous violent relationship, thereby reacting in a decidedly over-the-top manner to the abuse: determined to be a victim no longer, she (spoiler) hypnotized her ex to forget about her and (further spoiler) to steal a painting for her to make it up to her (/spoiler) which kicked off the whole thing in the first place, rather than using her considerable abilities to you know, get over his obsession instead.
So on one hand if she had forgotten about it the whole thing wouldn't have happened, but on the other she made the guy forget, but it all came back; whether intentionally on her part or not I shall leave up to debate, so I suppose we could see this as the director having it both ways.
Personally I'd rather bear hurtful memories than to forget them, or to never have experienced them. I'm not a highly religious person, so I won't say that everything happens for a reason, that's something I find hard to accept, but what I do believe is that no matter what we experience, it does change us, sometimes irrevokably. To reject them is to reject who we are. So yes, perhaps there've been multiple disappointments, and much grounds for regret, yet upon thinking things through, I have to say that I don't regret them, or at least not enough to let these regrets become a defining part of my life. Rather than agonizing over could-have-beens and what ifs, I am who I am because of what I've been through, and the only way forwards is as myself, not what I wished I could be, and that's the way it is.
It was an enjoyable Saturday out, especially after spending 3 hours on that ISAT paper, 100 questions of tediousness -.- (thankfully I did well enough, I think!) Though we didn't go for the trial lesson in the end, as we were running late and thus decided, practically outside the centre, that it wasn't worth paying the full amount for the remaining time, it was fun nonetheless, after the unavoidable period of sitting around wondering what to do next. MEDz was good, maybe even better than Marché and it was hilarious discussing (but mostly listening to Mos and Angie debate about) the phylogenetics of cliques in our class, and the recounting, to various degrees of success so many past incidents xP Shots with some cocktails at Acid Bar (Jack's treat, to be reciprocated at some later date, I swear!) rounded off the evening on a high note, quite literally in the case of someone who can't tahan alcohol lololol, and I had to cab home having missed the last bus by 10 mins, quite unfortunately :/
For reasons completely (at least I'd like to think) unrelated to prestige I'm glad and proud to have been from Raffles. For the education and breadth of thought which it opened to me, for inculcating in me a consciousness and awareness of myself and my responsibilities as part of something bigger, for teaching me, even as I blundered my way through the years, to never shy away from the difficult questions, and to take pride in my work, something which I'm beginning to realize is very important and sometimes a rarity indeed, for "telling" me that I'm special, not because of what I am, but because everyone is worth listening to, and lastly, for the people I've met, and perhaps that last one is what I'm most grateful for. And I don't see anything wrong with such a pride, and it's a sad thing when people start to turn that against you, label that pride as arrogance, and put you and what you do down just because of where you came from. The walls of reality close in, shackles seeking to tie you down, and it's an ever-exhausting experience to fight against a world that seeks to shame you with your own brilliance (urgh, arrogant phrasing much?) and drag you down. I know people who appear to do it effortlessly, and it's very admirable, but for me at least, it's a daily challenge.
I had no idea where this was going when I first started, but I guess I do now. Basically prestige may or may not factor into the decisions we make, and that's perfectly okay. I've been thinking for awhile now about doing the right things for the wrong reasons, doing the wrong things for the right reasons and every other possible permutation in between, with "right" and "wrong" being entirely subjective. Though I'm not sure exactly where I stand on this to me, at the end of the day the motivations and reasons aren't so important anymore (besides giving you the strength to carry on of course), more important is what you're able to imbibe and take away from the whole thing; is it gonna be a meaningful experience or are you just going to say "I'm glad that's finally over", and what you go on to from there. As humans there's an irresistible tendency to pass moral judgement on the people around us, I'm a frequent victim to this too, simply can't help myself. It can be entertaining, obviously, but in the end does it even matter?
Would you rather hurt, or forget that it all ever happened? A pretty pertinent question methinks, a very hypothetical one obviously, given that it's highly likely that we'll be given the choice, but still something worth considering. The film, somewhat ironically, depicted the hypnotherapist as having emotional baggage from a previous violent relationship, thereby reacting in a decidedly over-the-top manner to the abuse: determined to be a victim no longer, she (spoiler) hypnotized her ex to forget about her and (further spoiler) to steal a painting for her to make it up to her (/spoiler) which kicked off the whole thing in the first place, rather than using her considerable abilities to you know, get over his obsession instead.
So on one hand if she had forgotten about it the whole thing wouldn't have happened, but on the other she made the guy forget, but it all came back; whether intentionally on her part or not I shall leave up to debate, so I suppose we could see this as the director having it both ways.
Personally I'd rather bear hurtful memories than to forget them, or to never have experienced them. I'm not a highly religious person, so I won't say that everything happens for a reason, that's something I find hard to accept, but what I do believe is that no matter what we experience, it does change us, sometimes irrevokably. To reject them is to reject who we are. So yes, perhaps there've been multiple disappointments, and much grounds for regret, yet upon thinking things through, I have to say that I don't regret them, or at least not enough to let these regrets become a defining part of my life. Rather than agonizing over could-have-beens and what ifs, I am who I am because of what I've been through, and the only way forwards is as myself, not what I wished I could be, and that's the way it is.
It was an enjoyable Saturday out, especially after spending 3 hours on that ISAT paper, 100 questions of tediousness -.- (thankfully I did well enough, I think!) Though we didn't go for the trial lesson in the end, as we were running late and thus decided, practically outside the centre, that it wasn't worth paying the full amount for the remaining time, it was fun nonetheless, after the unavoidable period of sitting around wondering what to do next. MEDz was good, maybe even better than Marché and it was hilarious discussing (but mostly listening to Mos and Angie debate about) the phylogenetics of cliques in our class, and the recounting, to various degrees of success so many past incidents xP Shots with some cocktails at Acid Bar (Jack's treat, to be reciprocated at some later date, I swear!) rounded off the evening on a high note, quite literally in the case of someone who can't tahan alcohol lololol, and I had to cab home having missed the last bus by 10 mins, quite unfortunately :/
For reasons completely (at least I'd like to think) unrelated to prestige I'm glad and proud to have been from Raffles. For the education and breadth of thought which it opened to me, for inculcating in me a consciousness and awareness of myself and my responsibilities as part of something bigger, for teaching me, even as I blundered my way through the years, to never shy away from the difficult questions, and to take pride in my work, something which I'm beginning to realize is very important and sometimes a rarity indeed, for "telling" me that I'm special, not because of what I am, but because everyone is worth listening to, and lastly, for the people I've met, and perhaps that last one is what I'm most grateful for. And I don't see anything wrong with such a pride, and it's a sad thing when people start to turn that against you, label that pride as arrogance, and put you and what you do down just because of where you came from. The walls of reality close in, shackles seeking to tie you down, and it's an ever-exhausting experience to fight against a world that seeks to shame you with your own brilliance (urgh, arrogant phrasing much?) and drag you down. I know people who appear to do it effortlessly, and it's very admirable, but for me at least, it's a daily challenge.
I had no idea where this was going when I first started, but I guess I do now. Basically prestige may or may not factor into the decisions we make, and that's perfectly okay. I've been thinking for awhile now about doing the right things for the wrong reasons, doing the wrong things for the right reasons and every other possible permutation in between, with "right" and "wrong" being entirely subjective. Though I'm not sure exactly where I stand on this to me, at the end of the day the motivations and reasons aren't so important anymore (besides giving you the strength to carry on of course), more important is what you're able to imbibe and take away from the whole thing; is it gonna be a meaningful experience or are you just going to say "I'm glad that's finally over", and what you go on to from there. As humans there's an irresistible tendency to pass moral judgement on the people around us, I'm a frequent victim to this too, simply can't help myself. It can be entertaining, obviously, but in the end does it even matter?
Monday, April 29, 2013
As an introspective person (not necessarily an introverted one) I've always looked inwards for an answer whenever I face a problem, perhaps out of a kind of arrogance that doesn't believe or doesn't accept that anyone or anything outside has anything substantial to offer, or maybe out of a recognition of the limitations that someone else on the outside looking in may face. So instead inwards I look, and if the answer really does lie within, then that's good, yet I'm ever realizing that there are some things I'm not equipped to deal with, and that sometimes I deal with them in a manner that's harmful to myself. Sometimes I'm so intent on working out a solution myself that I totally fail to consider what other options and "tools" I may have at my disposal, it's a very myopic way of dealing with things, and a mindset I really have to reorientate.
It's been a strangely trying week, furnished with anticipation to finally be met with disappointment. If I were to use a rather frivolous analogy; which I shall: It's like how upon reading Harry Potter in P1, I'd hold on to the vague-yet-fairly-foolish-hope that on my 10th birthday a half-giant would pop up on a flying motorbike and tell me "You're a wizard, Chris!" or failing that at least of getting a letter from a sentient owl of my acceptance to Hogwarts, only to wake up on the 9th of September, 10 years and a day old to realize that nothing's changed at all. Okay, strike out the fairly, this was totally out there, but I suppose I got the point across in a convoluted way.
So yes, after hearing from a friend that he'd gotten a callup on Thursday, I literally had palpitations for the next few days, conjuring up ludicrous scenarios in which they may have delayed in confirming my acceptance (The first stage of grief is denial afterall) while anxious waiting for a call, getting a near heart attack at a single SMS (thank you friends for leaving me alone, probably saved my life xP) and so it went. I was fairly sure of the outcome by Saturday, got the confirmation that I've been waitlisted today morning, hugely disappointed especially given the amount of preparation I put into it, and my dad's effort too, and I honestly thought I did well in the interview. I've been telling myself though that there's no way of knowing how well others did, and it's not like they owe me a place because I'm oh-so-perfect, army has sadly dispelled all such notions so I guess I moved on to acceptance fairly quickly, though I can't deny the faint shimmering of hope at the slightest possibility, oh naive heart of mine. A childish part of myself is indignant, questioning why it's always so tough for me, why I keep on having to deal with rejection, but I shush it before I let it embarrass myself, I know other people have it worse, and maybe I should just see it as a further test of my resolve and determination, though why I have to be tested so I may not understand. With the shooting exco episode, nus and now this, it's all too easy to draw a semi-compelling narrative, or to draw upon so many other isolated incidents even, to say that I have a predisposition to phail but at least on this occasion I refuse to do so, so press on I shall. Be humble, accept my limitations, learn and move on, that's all I can do really. Prolonged self-pity is pretty pathetic, at least for myself. Kinda reminds me of the flavor text on Rothus the Traveler, my first holographic card in Duel Masters, go google it if you're interested; it's a little melodramatic but seems to have stuck with me unfortunately.
On the positive side, I feel, at least that I emerged from last year's failure as a much more mature person and candidate, a lot more sure of myself and what I want to do, which is why I found my rejection this time particularly disappointing but I'm confident that I can only grow hereon, and for that I'm thankful. My past failures have been pretty barren mothers so far, but I guess it's important to keep things in perspective and that it's not so much the success subsequent to failure but rather the lessons you learn from it that are really important.
Some part of me is miffed that I don't have anyone much to rant to but I guess it's a blessing in disguise to give myself the time and space to mull it over and cool down in a sense, so that's that. I've been pretty negligent in catching up with people as a result, so I do beg forgiveness and a chance.
C'est tout.
It's been a strangely trying week, furnished with anticipation to finally be met with disappointment. If I were to use a rather frivolous analogy; which I shall: It's like how upon reading Harry Potter in P1, I'd hold on to the vague-yet-fairly-foolish-hope that on my 10th birthday a half-giant would pop up on a flying motorbike and tell me "You're a wizard, Chris!" or failing that at least of getting a letter from a sentient owl of my acceptance to Hogwarts, only to wake up on the 9th of September, 10 years and a day old to realize that nothing's changed at all. Okay, strike out the fairly, this was totally out there, but I suppose I got the point across in a convoluted way.
So yes, after hearing from a friend that he'd gotten a callup on Thursday, I literally had palpitations for the next few days, conjuring up ludicrous scenarios in which they may have delayed in confirming my acceptance (The first stage of grief is denial afterall) while anxious waiting for a call, getting a near heart attack at a single SMS (thank you friends for leaving me alone, probably saved my life xP) and so it went. I was fairly sure of the outcome by Saturday, got the confirmation that I've been waitlisted today morning, hugely disappointed especially given the amount of preparation I put into it, and my dad's effort too, and I honestly thought I did well in the interview. I've been telling myself though that there's no way of knowing how well others did, and it's not like they owe me a place because I'm oh-so-perfect, army has sadly dispelled all such notions so I guess I moved on to acceptance fairly quickly, though I can't deny the faint shimmering of hope at the slightest possibility, oh naive heart of mine. A childish part of myself is indignant, questioning why it's always so tough for me, why I keep on having to deal with rejection, but I shush it before I let it embarrass myself, I know other people have it worse, and maybe I should just see it as a further test of my resolve and determination, though why I have to be tested so I may not understand. With the shooting exco episode, nus and now this, it's all too easy to draw a semi-compelling narrative, or to draw upon so many other isolated incidents even, to say that I have a predisposition to phail but at least on this occasion I refuse to do so, so press on I shall. Be humble, accept my limitations, learn and move on, that's all I can do really. Prolonged self-pity is pretty pathetic, at least for myself. Kinda reminds me of the flavor text on Rothus the Traveler, my first holographic card in Duel Masters, go google it if you're interested; it's a little melodramatic but seems to have stuck with me unfortunately.
On the positive side, I feel, at least that I emerged from last year's failure as a much more mature person and candidate, a lot more sure of myself and what I want to do, which is why I found my rejection this time particularly disappointing but I'm confident that I can only grow hereon, and for that I'm thankful. My past failures have been pretty barren mothers so far, but I guess it's important to keep things in perspective and that it's not so much the success subsequent to failure but rather the lessons you learn from it that are really important.
Some part of me is miffed that I don't have anyone much to rant to but I guess it's a blessing in disguise to give myself the time and space to mull it over and cool down in a sense, so that's that. I've been pretty negligent in catching up with people as a result, so I do beg forgiveness and a chance.
C'est tout.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Well I've been pretty occupied the past week or so, not to mention Blogger has been deleting some of the drafts I type out in camp so that's the reason for the paucity of posts >< and somehow I guess my writing and expressive ability has been somewhat impaired over the course of the past year. Anyhow, here we go.
My prime occupation had been in preparation for yesterday's interview at NTU, the buildup to it was a little pressurizing for me, and I have to admit my patience did wear thin a couple of times at the perceived over-interference of my parents, hiring an interview coach/personal motivator, getting my uncle involved, and also my dad closing his clinic both on Friday afternoon and night to pick me up from camp and grill me, as well as on Saturday morning to send me for the interview. And yet after those transient moments steaming in the car, and feeling a little pissed off, what I do feel most strongly is the care and concern that they've showered me with, and it's something I don't want to take for-granted. Care, to me, is simply doing something for another person that you don't strictly have to do, even to the point of inconveniencing yourself at times, and that's precisely what they have done. So yes, I'm a little shocked by how on my dad was about the whole thing, even moreso than myself I daresay, making the effort to end work early during the weekdays to call me at night and speak about certain questions and issues, and sending loads of stuff to me on whatsapp, things he'd researched about till 4am, and lots more, and sometimes I find it a bother, but what I realized is that when people show you such care, the least you could do is accept it with an open heart, no matter what form it comes in, because yes, we all express our care for others in different ways. Another instance, my uncle, an awesome cardiologist who regales us with stories of the various different countries he travels to - sponsored of course - to attend conferences, having spent the whole day chairing a meeting, still volunteered to pick me up to go over to his house and address any questions I may have, though we eventually ended up simply eating this heavenly-tasting chilli crab which he'd brought back from the conference. So you know, sometimes I get really frustrated with my family, we often have trouble communicating well with each other and that sometimes leads to misunderstandings and arguments but from the bottom of my heart I'm thankful that they've allowed me to grow up not knowing what it's like to be loved, and to have a desire to care for others as well.
I find it strange, too, that despite how I torment myself wondering about the purpose and meaning of words, that my thoughts and intentions could be so crystallized, directed and focused, through simply vocalizing them. Over the past week I've spoken extensively and quite freely about my motivations and desire to be a doctor, and call it brainwashing if you will, doing so has somehow tied all the loose strands together, I'm no longer confused about what I want to do, and it somehow seems a logical result of the narrative up till now. I really think I performed a lot better for the interviews this time around, hopefully things turn out well xP
Onto another topic, my bunkmate who been attached for 4 years started talking about how he can't stop thinking about another girl and how he feels that this may show he doesn't love his girlfriend that much, or that he's together with her because of the history behind their relationship and all that she's done for him and not because he loves her, or that there may be someone who comes along who he may potentially love even more. Rather than talk about whether this is right, or whether he's being an asshole or whatever, I'd rather segue right on into relationships in general. I've often pondered about what it is that keeps people together, either romantically, or maybe even as friends. Like for example if someone asks you just what is it that you like about your friend, you may say that they're caring, generous, fun to be with etcetc, but what you must notice is that there are certainly people out there who are more so, than them, so assuming that we can only maintain close relationships with some few or at least a limited number of people, are we then compromising/settling? If you say that ok, that may be so, but what keeps us together is rather the experiences we've shared, the times that we had, our shared history basically, what then happens when we're pulled apart by circumstances not within either of our control? It's pretty likely that you'd meet someone, eventually, with similar attributes, and whom you get to spend more time with, and eventually become closer to. Do we then "move on" so to speak? It's quite a depressing subject to think about, all things considered. Or maybe relationships are sustained in such cases when both parties put effort into doing so, however this means that should one side suddenly decide to disengage, having found someone else, then the entire thing falls apart. I don't like the idea that people are substitutable, but something about humans is this innate drive to carry on with life, though loss we may experience, and after awhile the wounds heal over, scars fade, and we move on, though what we find may not be an exact fit, we carry on.
So what does this mean? I have no idea, actually, but what I do know is that I'll treasure those relationships and friends that I have, knowing that they could fade away in the future, but rather than cause for despair, I suppose this is an even more compelling reason to treasure them while I still can. And should they one day vanish, I'd rather not grieve over them, but hold those memories even closer to heart.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
The place for you~
So, seeing as how the 3 bowls of milk pudding I made with my sis a week ago didn't give me diarrhea or anything like that, I've decided that it's time to post a little about my HK trip XD nothing pedantic or whatever here, simply in a very narrative sense, I may get tired of it halfway through so look out for future updates :)
The photos only start from the second day onwards, cause I only really woke up from there, which is quite a pity :/
The dim sum is awesum. Seriously. It's pretty much a staple to any mainstream HK family-oriented drama, you see them making reservations at the place for some dim sum with the whole family. It's really important to go early (or in our case late) if you want to avoid the queues to just get in. Placing our orders was a pain as they don't take your orders directly (the servers are way too busy) and instead get you to check them off on some menus. Which was a problem as the dishes are spread out among various different menus and in the end they only collect that single sheet of paper, thus missing out some of our orders in the process, which kinda sucks, and we couldn't be bothered to correct them, seeing the inordinately long amount of time they took to start serving our dishes. Really delicious though, especially siu mai in the bottom left as well as everything else, really :P
The next day we hopped onto a ferry to Macau, around an hour's journey from the HK ferry terminal. We were I suppose fortunate in that we managed to charter a van at the Macau terminal to bring us around to the more scenic places which tourists frequent, saving loads of walking and also cause we hadn't done much prior research. It worked out pretty nicely for me as I'm a scenery kinda guy.
Fisherman's Wharf, some kind of themed attraction done up in a um...coliseum style? I'm not sure myself, but it was quite cool and prompted a spree of gratuitous photo-taking, tourist style which I'll admit is decidedly uncool x.x
Wiki tells me these are the ruins of St. Paul's Cathedral, it looks nice from the front and back but it's pretty much a 2D free-standing facade. Loads of people taking photos of it too, as you can see, and behind me were a few streets of shops too, selling the famous Portuguese Egg Tarts and some apparently well known pork chop bun. I was pretty sick and tired of the ubiquitous Polo (Pineapple) bun as we'd bought a whole bunch of them while exploring the streets of HK the night before, no pics unfortunately, and since the rest of my family didn't feel like eating them after they turned cold, it fell to me and my bro to finish them off. urgh but this pork chop variation wasn't bad at all, and the Portugues Egg Tarts are freaking awesome. No words to describe them, oh how badly I'd suck as a food critic xD
Me seen here posing which the sign which points at the (purportedly) authentic store, among tons of others. I have one of my sis too but decided against putting that one up.
A cursory view of the Macau streets and shophouses I saw while walking around, pretty interesting style, not that I'm an expert or anything, and there was even this Primary school squeezed in-between some shophouses too, not something you'd see in Singapore.
We had a pretty good view of Macau Tower and the harbour below from up high. The tower actually doubles as a bungee jumping platform, I actually managed to spy some people jumping off and dangling from the bungee cord before being lowered to the ground. There's also apparently a skywalk where they let you walk around the outer circumference of the topmost portion of the viewing deck; unfortunately we didn't give it a try.
A visit to The Venetian, a luxury hotel cum casino had me overawed by the bling on display. Pretty darn opulent. I decided against attempting to set foot into the casino portion (minimum age 21) though I suppose I may have been able to fake my way in. The long hallway leading to the casino seems pretty reminiscent of a chapel I've seen somewhere, except in this case dedicated to the worship of indulgence and wealth.
With a name such as "The Venetian" it's pretty expected that they'd have a street of shops done up to look like a facsimile of Venice within the building itself. Believe it or not, the photos below were taken entirely indoors, under perennially unchanging skies, or rather a ceiling painted to look like the sky. Such is the hubris of Man. It's pretty similar to the one you'd see at MBS but on a much grander scale, and with a much more pleasant ambiance. The boaters regale you with song, you have costumed street performers roaming around to entertain patrons, and it's an undeniably pretty sight AND yet another great photo-taking opportunity, apparently it's featured in some Korean drama too, probably one on a tight budget.
Me and my brother looking especially bemused after a pretty interesting episode in ShenZhen. We'd taken a train ride (yet another hour spent traveling) to ShenZhen, whereupon we took a supposedly free shuttle bus to this place called Maya City on my uncle's recommendation, with him saying it was a good place to relax and shop. Famished from the trip and eager to get some lunch, we approached reception to ask whether there was anywhere to eat nearby, only to be given the band which you see around my hand and told that in order to be allowed to go to the restaurant upstairs, we first had to take a bath and have a change of clothes. We did feel like stepping away, but there was something menacing in the way the rest of the staff were closing around us so we did as they said, going to our respective changing rooms. I don't know what the female one was like obviously, but at ours we were chaperoned by crew cut middle-aged men dressed in what suspiciously looked like prison garb, with horizontal orange stripes, who instructed us, without ceremony to strip and put our stuff in the lockers provided. It was all very sudden, and kinda shell-shocked, we complied in bemused fashion, showering in cubicles without doors, where other guys walked around naked, and found ourselves attired as above. After a surprisingly decent lunch, we were persuaded into getting a full-body massage each, I'm still not quite sure how the chain of events led to that. Regardless it was pretty good, though I found it a little....strange to say the least. Elaborate I shall not. Anyways after that we were finally able to extricate ourselves from that place and went on to our next objective. Honestly though, it'd have been relaxing in another set of circumstances, and if we hadn't gone there totally not knowing what to expect, so I suppose I'd consider going back some day.
Next was a trip via cab to Dafen Oil Painting Village, quite an interesting place dedicated to the export of reproductions of masterpieces. My dad wanted to get a couple of paintings for his clinic and our house as well, which was our primary reason for making the trip to ShenZhen in the firstplace, from which we'd been unfortunately sidetracked. It was amazing to see the number of artists who had set up shop there to sell their works; cheaply, in the case of the smaller paintings, of which I got a few for around $5 SGD each, and also pretty cheap for the larger paintings as well, now that I think about it. I found it quite strange to grapple with the concept of mass-produced art; lying around were stacks of canvas, paintings which had yet to be mounted on a frame, often stacks of the same painting, reproduced many times over. At the store we finally settled on, the owner had a computer where he would google various famous artists to allow my dad to pick from their works to commission a reproduction of, much like shopping from an online catalog. It's testament to their skill that they can reproduce almost anything, and I suppose some of the works on display were originals too; it was a very eye-opening experience. As I walked the streets whilst my parents were finalizing the details, I even stumbled upon an artist in a small studio along a side-alley, painting a copy of the Mona Lisa with his back faced to me. Curious, I watched him for awhile as he worked. He had a small printout of the original clipped to the side of his easel and that alone was sufficient for him to make his own reproduction as he carefully applied the layers of oil to form the hand and filling in the black to define the fingers. I was pretty interested in a couple of landscapes to hang above my bed but skinflint that I am, finally decided not to go in for them afterall.
A highlight of our nightly roams around the HK streets would be whenever we gleefully stumbled over yet another dessert shop, these above look nice I suppose, but they weren't the best that I got to try, more later!
I enjoyed our trip to Ocean Park immensely, I didn't take any photos of the entrance though! Take note that outside food is prohibited, as I found out to my detriment when I had to part with some choice snacks stowed in my bag. First was this underwater world kinda attraction, very well presented, with a lot of educational displays set up, and of course with a gigantic, well-occupied aquarium with well-placed viewing windows and all that.
Next was a cable car ride to the other half of the park. It's quite interesting cause when you first step in the part looks good, but still pretty small, it's only when you realize that there's another half of it hidden on the other side of the mountain that you start to appreciate how immense it is. The ride was awesome. Breathtaking scenery, my pictures can't begin to do it justice; it was quite foggy, and a nice cool wind permeating the cabin.
As with any good amusement park, Ocean Park has some pretty neat rides as well. We (me and my bro, cause the rest of my family didn't dare to) took The Hair-raiser first; it's the maniacal clown face in the background of this picture, followed by The Flash, The Abyss drop and the Viking Ship. Strangely enough, the scariest was the Viking, even though The Hair-raiser turned us upside down, The Flash turned us 360 degrees and The Abyss was just shit-in-my-pants inducing, probably because they were all too short, and nothing induces that lurching feeling that feels like your viscera are about to pop out of your chest like the Viking. After that was an amazing sea animal show, much more impressive than the one I remember seeing at Sentosa a long time ago.
The crappy part of the park being in 2 halves though, was that it rained. Heavily. Cable cars are obviously a sub-optimal way of ferrying large amounts of people across a mountain in the shortest time possible, and with the long queues, we ended up walking; taking escalator after escalator down the mountain in order to get onto a shuttle bus to bring us back to the entrance.
Wet and starving (we had little for lunch as food inside is so freaking expensive, all part of the corporate plan obviously) we were in need of good food. My mum called ahead to make a reservation at some place famous for it's roasted and cured meat, the name eludes me currently, and it was goood (Y) The roast duck was amazing, so was the veggies with century and salted eggs, the pigeon not so much, a little too salty and tough for my liking.
These hygiene stations dispense alcohol for sanitary purposes and are common in shopping centres and such, an exemplary practice imo!
The HK harbour area looks very impressive, it probably edges our Marina area by just a bit xP The occasional junks you see sailing by and a nice touch too! My parents insisted on walking down the Avenue of Stars, which basically has these concrete and metal plates inserted into the floor with impressions of famous actors/actresses along with their signatures. I originally looked for this guy's print cause I thought it was Jackie Chan only to realize that it was someone else completely. After googling it I now realize how horribly wrong I was. Sigh. Still makes a pretty good illustration I guess so I'm keeping the picture.
I didn't actually visit the Andy Warhol exhibit at the HK art museum but they had this interesting thing setup downstairs inline with the 15 minutes of fame theme. They basically allow you to take pics of yourself and run it through a program to convert it into an "Andy Warhol" style photo, which they would then display on a wall for a couple of minutes. Being the creative guy that I am, I soon stumbled upon the idea of putting my phone's screen in front of the camera to create some of people who weren't physically there, resulting in this:
Lol. I wanted to do the same for each of you but there were too many people queuing up and we had to go ><
Pretty much the best milk pudding in town. Super delicious. I'd totally recommend this place to anyone visiting HK for the milk pudding alone.
More food. HK milk tea is a lot better than Singapore's and this meal actually came with some toast too.
A simple illustration of how foggy it was on the day we left. The topless towers of HK? xP We took a ferry across HK bay to HK island, then took a bus up to Victoria Peak. It was um...cool I suppose to be actually entering the fog as we climbed up the mountain, didn't do wonders for the view unfortunately. We had initially considered taking the footpath further up but ultimately decided it wasn't worth it with the limited time and the fog would have obscured our view anyway so we stayed there for awhile before making our way down once more.
And that was it. Afterwards was a trip to the airport, clearing customs, landing at Changi, purchasing as much duty free liquor as we could, and the trip home. HK was certainly an enjoyable place to spend the week, an apt description of it would be "similar to Singapore but not quite". The developed areas, with shopping centres and branded goods occupying pole position in windows could be a carbon copy of what you'd see while walking along Orchard Road, but the less modern areas are a different creature altogether. Night markets where I almost got fleeced by some vendor while buying a couple of gifts, as well as those unruly streets which twist and turn and branch abruptly, something you certainly wouldn't observe in Singapore, yet which lend the place an organically vibrant feel.
The photos only start from the second day onwards, cause I only really woke up from there, which is quite a pity :/
The dim sum is awesum. Seriously. It's pretty much a staple to any mainstream HK family-oriented drama, you see them making reservations at the place for some dim sum with the whole family. It's really important to go early (or in our case late) if you want to avoid the queues to just get in. Placing our orders was a pain as they don't take your orders directly (the servers are way too busy) and instead get you to check them off on some menus. Which was a problem as the dishes are spread out among various different menus and in the end they only collect that single sheet of paper, thus missing out some of our orders in the process, which kinda sucks, and we couldn't be bothered to correct them, seeing the inordinately long amount of time they took to start serving our dishes. Really delicious though, especially siu mai in the bottom left as well as everything else, really :P
The next day we hopped onto a ferry to Macau, around an hour's journey from the HK ferry terminal. We were I suppose fortunate in that we managed to charter a van at the Macau terminal to bring us around to the more scenic places which tourists frequent, saving loads of walking and also cause we hadn't done much prior research. It worked out pretty nicely for me as I'm a scenery kinda guy.
Fisherman's Wharf, some kind of themed attraction done up in a um...coliseum style? I'm not sure myself, but it was quite cool and prompted a spree of gratuitous photo-taking, tourist style which I'll admit is decidedly uncool x.x
Wiki tells me these are the ruins of St. Paul's Cathedral, it looks nice from the front and back but it's pretty much a 2D free-standing facade. Loads of people taking photos of it too, as you can see, and behind me were a few streets of shops too, selling the famous Portuguese Egg Tarts and some apparently well known pork chop bun. I was pretty sick and tired of the ubiquitous Polo (Pineapple) bun as we'd bought a whole bunch of them while exploring the streets of HK the night before, no pics unfortunately, and since the rest of my family didn't feel like eating them after they turned cold, it fell to me and my bro to finish them off. urgh but this pork chop variation wasn't bad at all, and the Portugues Egg Tarts are freaking awesome. No words to describe them, oh how badly I'd suck as a food critic xD
Me seen here posing which the sign which points at the (purportedly) authentic store, among tons of others. I have one of my sis too but decided against putting that one up.
A cursory view of the Macau streets and shophouses I saw while walking around, pretty interesting style, not that I'm an expert or anything, and there was even this Primary school squeezed in-between some shophouses too, not something you'd see in Singapore.
We had a pretty good view of Macau Tower and the harbour below from up high. The tower actually doubles as a bungee jumping platform, I actually managed to spy some people jumping off and dangling from the bungee cord before being lowered to the ground. There's also apparently a skywalk where they let you walk around the outer circumference of the topmost portion of the viewing deck; unfortunately we didn't give it a try.
A visit to The Venetian, a luxury hotel cum casino had me overawed by the bling on display. Pretty darn opulent. I decided against attempting to set foot into the casino portion (minimum age 21) though I suppose I may have been able to fake my way in. The long hallway leading to the casino seems pretty reminiscent of a chapel I've seen somewhere, except in this case dedicated to the worship of indulgence and wealth.
. With a name such as "The Venetian" it's pretty expected that they'd have a street of shops done up to look like a facsimile of Venice within the building itself. Believe it or not, the photos below were taken entirely indoors, under perennially unchanging skies, or rather a ceiling painted to look like the sky. Such is the hubris of Man. It's pretty similar to the one you'd see at MBS but on a much grander scale, and with a much more pleasant ambiance. The boaters regale you with song, you have costumed street performers roaming around to entertain patrons, and it's an undeniably pretty sight AND yet another great photo-taking opportunity, apparently it's featured in some Korean drama too, probably one on a tight budget.
Me and my brother looking especially bemused after a pretty interesting episode in ShenZhen. We'd taken a train ride (yet another hour spent traveling) to ShenZhen, whereupon we took a supposedly free shuttle bus to this place called Maya City on my uncle's recommendation, with him saying it was a good place to relax and shop. Famished from the trip and eager to get some lunch, we approached reception to ask whether there was anywhere to eat nearby, only to be given the band which you see around my hand and told that in order to be allowed to go to the restaurant upstairs, we first had to take a bath and have a change of clothes. We did feel like stepping away, but there was something menacing in the way the rest of the staff were closing around us so we did as they said, going to our respective changing rooms. I don't know what the female one was like obviously, but at ours we were chaperoned by crew cut middle-aged men dressed in what suspiciously looked like prison garb, with horizontal orange stripes, who instructed us, without ceremony to strip and put our stuff in the lockers provided. It was all very sudden, and kinda shell-shocked, we complied in bemused fashion, showering in cubicles without doors, where other guys walked around naked, and found ourselves attired as above. After a surprisingly decent lunch, we were persuaded into getting a full-body massage each, I'm still not quite sure how the chain of events led to that. Regardless it was pretty good, though I found it a little....strange to say the least. Elaborate I shall not. Anyways after that we were finally able to extricate ourselves from that place and went on to our next objective. Honestly though, it'd have been relaxing in another set of circumstances, and if we hadn't gone there totally not knowing what to expect, so I suppose I'd consider going back some day.
Next was a trip via cab to Dafen Oil Painting Village, quite an interesting place dedicated to the export of reproductions of masterpieces. My dad wanted to get a couple of paintings for his clinic and our house as well, which was our primary reason for making the trip to ShenZhen in the firstplace, from which we'd been unfortunately sidetracked. It was amazing to see the number of artists who had set up shop there to sell their works; cheaply, in the case of the smaller paintings, of which I got a few for around $5 SGD each, and also pretty cheap for the larger paintings as well, now that I think about it. I found it quite strange to grapple with the concept of mass-produced art; lying around were stacks of canvas, paintings which had yet to be mounted on a frame, often stacks of the same painting, reproduced many times over. At the store we finally settled on, the owner had a computer where he would google various famous artists to allow my dad to pick from their works to commission a reproduction of, much like shopping from an online catalog. It's testament to their skill that they can reproduce almost anything, and I suppose some of the works on display were originals too; it was a very eye-opening experience. As I walked the streets whilst my parents were finalizing the details, I even stumbled upon an artist in a small studio along a side-alley, painting a copy of the Mona Lisa with his back faced to me. Curious, I watched him for awhile as he worked. He had a small printout of the original clipped to the side of his easel and that alone was sufficient for him to make his own reproduction as he carefully applied the layers of oil to form the hand and filling in the black to define the fingers. I was pretty interested in a couple of landscapes to hang above my bed but skinflint that I am, finally decided not to go in for them afterall.
A highlight of our nightly roams around the HK streets would be whenever we gleefully stumbled over yet another dessert shop, these above look nice I suppose, but they weren't the best that I got to try, more later!
I enjoyed our trip to Ocean Park immensely, I didn't take any photos of the entrance though! Take note that outside food is prohibited, as I found out to my detriment when I had to part with some choice snacks stowed in my bag. First was this underwater world kinda attraction, very well presented, with a lot of educational displays set up, and of course with a gigantic, well-occupied aquarium with well-placed viewing windows and all that.
Jellyfish!
Next was a cable car ride to the other half of the park. It's quite interesting cause when you first step in the part looks good, but still pretty small, it's only when you realize that there's another half of it hidden on the other side of the mountain that you start to appreciate how immense it is. The ride was awesome. Breathtaking scenery, my pictures can't begin to do it justice; it was quite foggy, and a nice cool wind permeating the cabin.
As with any good amusement park, Ocean Park has some pretty neat rides as well. We (me and my bro, cause the rest of my family didn't dare to) took The Hair-raiser first; it's the maniacal clown face in the background of this picture, followed by The Flash, The Abyss drop and the Viking Ship. Strangely enough, the scariest was the Viking, even though The Hair-raiser turned us upside down, The Flash turned us 360 degrees and The Abyss was just shit-in-my-pants inducing, probably because they were all too short, and nothing induces that lurching feeling that feels like your viscera are about to pop out of your chest like the Viking. After that was an amazing sea animal show, much more impressive than the one I remember seeing at Sentosa a long time ago.
The crappy part of the park being in 2 halves though, was that it rained. Heavily. Cable cars are obviously a sub-optimal way of ferrying large amounts of people across a mountain in the shortest time possible, and with the long queues, we ended up walking; taking escalator after escalator down the mountain in order to get onto a shuttle bus to bring us back to the entrance.
Wet and starving (we had little for lunch as food inside is so freaking expensive, all part of the corporate plan obviously) we were in need of good food. My mum called ahead to make a reservation at some place famous for it's roasted and cured meat, the name eludes me currently, and it was goood (Y) The roast duck was amazing, so was the veggies with century and salted eggs, the pigeon not so much, a little too salty and tough for my liking.
These hygiene stations dispense alcohol for sanitary purposes and are common in shopping centres and such, an exemplary practice imo!
The HK harbour area looks very impressive, it probably edges our Marina area by just a bit xP The occasional junks you see sailing by and a nice touch too! My parents insisted on walking down the Avenue of Stars, which basically has these concrete and metal plates inserted into the floor with impressions of famous actors/actresses along with their signatures. I originally looked for this guy's print cause I thought it was Jackie Chan only to realize that it was someone else completely. After googling it I now realize how horribly wrong I was. Sigh. Still makes a pretty good illustration I guess so I'm keeping the picture.
Lol. I wanted to do the same for each of you but there were too many people queuing up and we had to go ><
Pretty much the best milk pudding in town. Super delicious. I'd totally recommend this place to anyone visiting HK for the milk pudding alone.
More food. HK milk tea is a lot better than Singapore's and this meal actually came with some toast too.
A simple illustration of how foggy it was on the day we left. The topless towers of HK? xP We took a ferry across HK bay to HK island, then took a bus up to Victoria Peak. It was um...cool I suppose to be actually entering the fog as we climbed up the mountain, didn't do wonders for the view unfortunately. We had initially considered taking the footpath further up but ultimately decided it wasn't worth it with the limited time and the fog would have obscured our view anyway so we stayed there for awhile before making our way down once more.
And that was it. Afterwards was a trip to the airport, clearing customs, landing at Changi, purchasing as much duty free liquor as we could, and the trip home. HK was certainly an enjoyable place to spend the week, an apt description of it would be "similar to Singapore but not quite". The developed areas, with shopping centres and branded goods occupying pole position in windows could be a carbon copy of what you'd see while walking along Orchard Road, but the less modern areas are a different creature altogether. Night markets where I almost got fleeced by some vendor while buying a couple of gifts, as well as those unruly streets which twist and turn and branch abruptly, something you certainly wouldn't observe in Singapore, yet which lend the place an organically vibrant feel.
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