Well I've been pretty occupied the past week or so, not to mention Blogger has been deleting some of the drafts I type out in camp so that's the reason for the paucity of posts >< and somehow I guess my writing and expressive ability has been somewhat impaired over the course of the past year. Anyhow, here we go.

My prime occupation had been in preparation for yesterday's interview at NTU, the buildup to it was a little pressurizing for me, and I have to admit my patience did wear thin a couple of times at the perceived over-interference of my parents, hiring an interview coach/personal motivator, getting my uncle involved, and also my dad closing his clinic both on Friday afternoon and night to pick me up from camp and grill me, as well as on Saturday morning to send me for the interview. And yet after those transient moments steaming in the car, and feeling a little pissed off, what I do feel most strongly is the care and concern that they've showered me with, and it's something I don't want to take for-granted. Care, to me, is simply doing something for another person that you don't strictly have to do, even to the point of inconveniencing yourself at times, and that's precisely what they have done. So yes, I'm a little shocked by how on my dad was about the whole thing, even moreso than myself I daresay, making the effort to end work early during the weekdays to call me at night and speak about certain questions and issues, and sending loads of stuff to me on whatsapp, things he'd researched about till 4am, and lots more, and sometimes I find it a bother, but what I realized is that when people show you such care, the least you could do is accept it with an open heart, no matter what form it comes in, because yes, we all express our care for others in different ways. Another instance, my uncle, an awesome cardiologist who regales us with stories of the various different countries he travels to - sponsored of course - to attend conferences, having spent the whole day chairing a meeting, still volunteered to pick me up to go over to his house and address any questions I may have, though we eventually ended up simply eating this heavenly-tasting chilli crab which he'd brought back from the conference. So you know, sometimes I get really frustrated with my family, we often have trouble communicating well with each other and that sometimes leads to misunderstandings and arguments but from the bottom of my heart I'm thankful that they've allowed me to grow up not knowing what it's like to be loved, and to have a desire to care for others as well.

I find it strange, too, that despite how I torment myself wondering about the purpose and meaning of words, that my thoughts and intentions could be so crystallized, directed and focused, through simply vocalizing them. Over the past week I've spoken extensively and quite freely about my motivations and desire to be a doctor, and call it brainwashing if you will, doing so has somehow tied all the loose strands together, I'm no longer confused about what I want to do, and it somehow seems a logical result of the narrative up till now. I really think I performed a lot better for the interviews this time around, hopefully things turn out well xP

Onto another topic, my bunkmate who been attached for 4 years started talking about how he can't stop thinking about another girl and how he feels that this may show he doesn't love his girlfriend that much, or that he's together with her because of the history behind their relationship and all that she's done for him and not because he loves her, or that there may be someone who comes along who he may potentially love even more. Rather than talk about whether this is right, or whether he's being an asshole or whatever, I'd rather segue right on into relationships in general. I've often pondered about what it is that keeps people together, either romantically, or maybe even as friends. Like for example if someone asks you just what is it that you like about your friend, you may say that they're caring, generous, fun to be with etcetc, but what you must notice is that there are certainly people out there who are more so, than them, so assuming that we can only maintain close relationships with some few or at least a limited number of people, are we then compromising/settling? If you say that ok, that may be so, but what keeps us together is rather the experiences we've shared, the times that we had, our shared history basically, what then happens when we're pulled apart by circumstances not within either of our control? It's pretty likely that you'd meet someone, eventually, with similar attributes, and whom you get to spend more time with, and eventually become closer to. Do we then "move on" so to speak? It's quite a depressing subject to think about, all things considered. Or maybe relationships are sustained in such cases when both parties put effort into doing so, however this means that should one side suddenly decide to disengage, having found someone else, then the entire thing falls apart. I don't like the idea that people are substitutable, but something about humans is this innate drive to carry on with life, though loss we may experience, and after awhile the wounds heal over, scars fade, and we move on, though what we find may not be an exact fit, we carry on.

So what does this mean? I have no idea, actually, but what I do know is that I'll treasure those relationships and friends that I have, knowing that they could fade away in the future, but rather than cause for despair, I suppose this is an even more compelling reason to treasure them while I still can. And should they one day vanish, I'd rather not grieve over them, but hold those memories even closer to heart.