Trance

Trance, not much food for thought but thoroughly and literally mind fucking, and there were much *ucks to give, and many a "wow that escalated quickly" moment. Really quite fascinating how they're basically going over the same few scenes again and again, with each iteration shedding new light on some previously unremarkable detail, something I really appreciated as all the loose threads came together. Worth a rewatch perhaps, and not only because of certain scenes. I would have liked to see though, a moment at least where that hypnotist wasn't so freaking sure of herself, her composure only really shattered in that last anti-climatic climax, and even then everything worked out the way she wanted it to; where's the fun in that?

Would you rather hurt, or forget that it all ever happened? A pretty pertinent question methinks, a very hypothetical one obviously, given that it's highly likely that we'll be given the choice, but still something worth considering. The film, somewhat ironically, depicted the hypnotherapist as having emotional baggage from a previous violent relationship, thereby reacting in a decidedly over-the-top manner to the abuse: determined to be a victim no longer, she (spoiler) hypnotized her ex to forget about her and (further spoiler) to steal a painting for her to make it up to her (/spoiler) which kicked off the whole thing in the first place, rather than using her considerable abilities to you know, get over his obsession instead.

So on one hand if she had forgotten about it the whole thing wouldn't have happened, but on the other she made the guy forget, but it all came back; whether intentionally on her part or not I shall leave up to debate, so I suppose we could see this as the director having it both ways.

Personally I'd rather bear hurtful memories than to forget them, or to never have experienced them. I'm not a highly religious person, so I won't say that everything happens for a reason, that's something I find hard to accept, but what I do believe is that no matter what we experience, it does change us, sometimes irrevokably. To reject them is to reject who we are. So yes, perhaps there've been multiple disappointments, and much grounds for regret, yet upon thinking things through, I have to say that I don't regret them, or at least not enough to let these regrets become a defining part of my life. Rather than agonizing over could-have-beens and what ifs, I am who I am because of what I've been through, and the only way forwards is as myself, not what I wished I could be, and that's the way it is.

It was an enjoyable Saturday out, especially after spending 3 hours on that ISAT paper, 100 questions of tediousness -.- (thankfully I did well enough, I think!) Though we didn't go for the trial lesson in the end, as we were running late and thus decided, practically outside the centre, that it wasn't worth paying the full amount for the remaining time, it was fun nonetheless, after the unavoidable period of sitting around wondering what to do next. MEDz was good, maybe even better than Marché and it was hilarious discussing (but mostly listening to Mos and Angie debate about) the phylogenetics of cliques in our class, and the recounting, to various degrees of success so many past incidents xP Shots with some cocktails at Acid Bar (Jack's treat, to be reciprocated at some later date, I swear!) rounded off the evening on a high note, quite literally in the case of someone who can't tahan alcohol lololol, and I had to cab home having missed the last bus by 10 mins, quite unfortunately :/

For reasons completely (at least I'd like to think) unrelated to prestige I'm glad and proud to have been from Raffles. For the education and breadth of thought which it opened to me, for inculcating in me a consciousness and awareness of myself and my responsibilities as part of something bigger, for teaching me, even as I blundered my way through the years, to never shy away from the difficult questions, and to take pride in my work, something which I'm beginning to realize is very important and sometimes a rarity indeed, for "telling" me that I'm special, not because of what I am, but because everyone is worth listening to, and lastly, for the people I've met, and perhaps that last one is what I'm most grateful for. And I don't see anything wrong with such a pride, and it's a sad thing when people start to turn that against you, label that pride as arrogance, and put you and what you do down just because of where you came from. The walls of reality close in, shackles seeking to tie you down, and it's an ever-exhausting experience to fight against a world that seeks to shame you with your own brilliance (urgh, arrogant phrasing much?) and drag you down. I know people who appear to do it effortlessly, and it's very admirable, but for me at least, it's a daily challenge.

I had no idea where this was going when I first started, but I guess I do now. Basically prestige may or may not factor into the decisions we make, and that's perfectly okay. I've been thinking for awhile now about doing the right things for the wrong reasons, doing the wrong things for the right reasons and every other possible permutation in between, with "right" and "wrong" being entirely subjective. Though I'm not sure exactly where I stand on this to me, at the end of the day the motivations and reasons aren't so important anymore (besides giving you the strength to carry on of course), more important is what you're able to imbibe and take away from the whole thing; is it gonna be a meaningful experience or are you just going to say "I'm glad that's finally over", and what you go on to from there. As humans there's an irresistible tendency to pass moral judgement on the people around us, I'm a frequent victim to this too, simply can't help myself. It can be entertaining, obviously, but in the end does it even matter?