http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/11/090511fa_fact_gladwell?currentPage=all

An interesting article I stumbled upon thanks to Cracked, and it really made me think.

To acknowledge your weakness and change your strategy, to up your game through sheer effort, simple secrets to David's win over Goliath. Relentless effort overcomes ability.

It's said that it takes 10,000 hours to get really good at something. Quite daunting, I'd imagine. But look at it another way: Every minute you spend on something, every ounce of dedication and spirit you throw into it; brings you that much closer to your goal. And it all adds up.

My path is open, my road lies clear before me. Now all that remains to be seen is whether I have the strength of spirit, resilience of soul and the passion necessary to walk it to completion. I'll see you there

Argh. Totally lost control today. Can't believe I did almost nothing today after all the work I've put in this past week. Haix, guess I'll just have to step on the gas the next 2 days. But man, that 3 hour midday nap sure was great. I've been feeling sick of late, so that nap really invigorated me.

Since it seems like I can't study well with this computer in front of me, and I don't really feel like leaving the house tomorrow, I guess I'll just have to banish myself to my room in order to get some actual work done *shudders*

ToTD: Somehow, I just can't seem to get thoughts of it out of my head. It's making me realize how bad I am at letting go, and perhaps what a small, and petty person I am. I don't like it, but despite my attempts to shake it out of my head, it's never far from my thoughts, and it comes rushing back the moment I find myself with a moment to myself. Sheesh

Drifting; I live, but like a ghost, leave no marks, no affirmation of my existence upon this world. Well, that's how I feel at least, and I'd love to make an impact somehow, just like a number of people have left an indelible mark upon my life.

One more thing, I just realized today that my blog title could be mistakenly interpreted as the blog title of a trigger-happy homicidal maniac. It was not meant to be so, so just FYI in case you misunderstood. 

Hmm...actually, I'm starting to like that particular interpretation more and more, so scratch that =)
There's a certain simplicity to that solution which really appeals to me; even more so in this complicated world. Just like how the Gordian Knot, unsolved for ages was unraveled by the swing of a sword, mayhaps the many conundrums which I face could be resolved with the pull of a trigger. I can do naught but dream. If only RL were so simple...

UPSB v4's out. Awesome. http://forum.upsb.info/member.php?u=268 That's me. It's a little empty and I may not bother filling it out, but it's mine.

Ahem. Anyway, I went mugging with Sing Yee today.  No, we didn't mug people, we went to mug for the looming CTs. We had breakfast at Mac's where I treated him to that $2.50 meal as an early birthday present. I'm such a cheap skate, I know. Well, that's one present settled >.<

Decided to cut it short, so here goes: Mugged math in the library till we kind of stagnated + the librarians were being anal about stuff, so we moved over to Sing Yee's house; a mere 2 mins away from the MRT *cue envy*

I love his house. The neat order of things, the way everything seems to blend perfectly with each other, the thought put into the way things are - ergo things which my humble abode has a total lack of. His room's pretty cool too, and guigui is awesome. I shall now rein in my envy. *Done*

Maths was a pain, and it was a headache to go through the question only to realise that our answer was wrong and having to go back and forth looking for the mistake. Tedious ttm... Well, we sloughed through it together and managed to barrel our way through from P&C to Normal distribution, which is anything but normal. Now I just gotta wrap up with the first two chaps and sampling techniques and pray I do well.

 I'm going to sound like a deprived kid again, but studying with friends is so much fun!!! Tbh, it's the first time I've gone to his house in the 4 years I've known him, and it's also the first time I've ever studied at a friend's house. Though we DID get pretty distracted at times and there were admittedly lengthy moments when we were brain-dead and just zoned out, having a friend there really helps in figuring things out and strengthening your understanding of the topic, through discussing, and consulting each other. It's helpful AND fun =) And of course, the best thing is having the option of breaks to do fun and totally random stuff (they're not usually mutually exclusive ya know) which actually helps you to last longer. Case in point, we managed to keep at it until 9+, way past the original time I'd decided to go back XD

Strangely, it seems like the past few days of mugging have pretty much more fun that the rest of the hols. weird, huh?

Anyway, one bad thing bout me is that I can't, I repeat, I CANNOT study at home. The moment I got home, I just turned on the com and started messing around on the net...

Time left: 2.5 days
Progress: 1.5 more chapters of Bio left, 3 chapters of Math, ALL of Econs. Hope I can make it in time.

ToTD: Dark Chris has been taking the backseat lately, what with the rush to mug and all. Hope he won't come back full force after I'm through with this. Can't say I've been exactly happy the past few days but they've been kinder to me than most :) Life still seems to be missing some crucial part though, and this emptiness gnaws at me. Well, don't think it'll be filled anytime soon so I'd best learn to get all buddy-buddy with it
P.S. NO, I AM NOT SCHIZOPHRENIC. kthxbai

Just got back. Wheew

Eventful day. Chinese orals at 10.30 but I got to school at 8.00 I'd decided to mug Bio, but in case you didn't know, the windy benches are a great place to take a nap. 1 hour flew away just like that o.0 Then Daniel, Russel and Bryan turned up and I just got caught up in the "action" haha. Can't say I regret it, I DID manage to set a highscore in Daniel's game, which he apparently hasn't beat yet.

Chang Sun passed by and amazingly, he said something that actually made me happy for once, though I shan't post it here due to audience sensitivity XD

The oral itself was like taking a dump. You push and push, then everything comes out in one go. And that's it; over just like that.

I decided to stay back and get some mugging done, so that's what I did. Then I joined weifeng and kexin, who happened to be in school too. That was at 11.10 (estimated). Nearly 8 hours later, I stepped out of school, perhaps staggering a little as my wobbly legs struggled to bear my weight, a dull ache throbbing at the front of my head. Awhile later, that ache disappeared, to be replaced by numbness. Nothing but numbness. As I walked that short distance towards Marymount station, the Lytic Cycle of T4 Bacteriophage rose to the forefront of my mind. I realized that I'd been mumbling under my breath: Attachment, Penetration, Replication,  Maturation, Release. And the details came to me, just as I'd painstakingly written down: Attachment sites on the tail fibres attach to complementary receptors on the bacterial surface (viral specificity). The virus then releases lysozymes which digest the bacteria's cell wall. Molecules that exit the bacteria through the cell wall trigger a change in the shape of the base plate of the bacteriophage, which then initiates the spring-like contraction of the tail sheath, thrusting a hollow tube through the cell wall and cell membrane. The dsDNA is then enters the cytoplasm of the bacteria through the hollow tube. Dots...

Well, seems like what they say about writing things down is the truth. It really helps in memorizing it. Sadly, its painstakingly slow, and I don't have the luxury of doing that anymore. There's just not enough time dammit. It's my fault, so I swear I'll do better next time, I really do.

The past 2 days of mugging have been surprisingly fun. Maybe its the people, or maybe its the act of focusing itself, idk. But I can honestly say that mugging in school today was the right decision. I met another one of Jeremy's friends: Tessa, and I felt once again the kind of warmth they have. I know I sound like some deprived kid, but that's what I really felt. The crazy period when Mao came over was particularly entertaining. Funn~

Now that I've gotten my first taste of "hardcore" mugging, I'm not particularly averse to it, actually. I should do this more often, like, so that I won't have to do this so much. Btw, the previous sentence makes perfect sense, ok?

Progress today? Covered Mitosis & Meiosis, halfway through Viruses, got to know 1 new person, and talked to some people I've not really talked to before. Not bad =)

Going to mug with Sing Yee tomorrow. Hope it turns out well!

ToTD: Mugging in school's quite fun, s'long as you're able to keep on track and stay focused, which, with the right motivation, I'm perfectly capable of doing. The only downside? The canteen stalls close around 5 and then you have to go to 7-11 for sustenance. Its a rip-off... 7-11, its a store and more! My wallet aches after Monday's little excursion, so yeah
They stave off the darkness, these little staves of light, but outside these pools of light the darkness lurks, the darkness remains, the darkness waits. For me to walk away, or for the light to flicker and die. Cause they won't last forever. And all I can do is clutch them to myself and hope. Hope. Cause the darkness, cool and inviting, all engulfing, is oh so lonely.

Overslept. Totally overslept. So I got to Safra late and kept Shaofei waiting for the key. Luckily he didn't seem to mind too much. Since I didn't really feel up to training, I just sat there in the moving target range while some dudes who I presume were from Safsa started to ask me some questions about shooting. I can't really explain it, nor do I really understand it myself, but I frequently find myself getting tic-ed off by certain things people say about shooting. I mean, I know that they don't know much about shooting so why on earth do I let myself be bothered by frivolous comments they make which aren't even targeted at me in the first place? Haha, I'm just weird like that.

*Reminder* Shaofei owes me $3.90 for lunch

So yup, I went to WRL after that to MUG. I amaze myself sometimes, I really do. Spent >5 hours there; it's been my most productive day of the hols. yet. Though I have to admit, the last half an hour or so was pretty much spent talking to Amos, who just happened to be mugging there too. Cool coincidence, IKR? Well, I did manage to cover a lot of ground with Bio today, and actually enjoyed talking to him too.

Chinese orals tomorrow. I'm totally unprepared, except in one aspect: I'm prepared to fail. Oh wells, I'll live.

ToTD: Say no too many times, and people will eventually stop asking. A lesson learnt from personal experience, really. But that doesn't mean I want to be a YES man, unlike that guy in that retarded film. I'll just try to be more positive-thinking and not dismiss things too quickly and/or easily. Who knows? Something might just come out of it. We'll see >.<

Chem mock test, lunch, penspinner gathering, haircut, removal of braces, home =)

Chem mock test - Really surprised I didn't do too badly, especially with the last min mugging of Gaseous State in the morning XD Now the only problem is working on time management. [Dropped in on the start of the RISC camp. I like what they're doing with it, and their focus on discipline too. 28 pushups for someone being 7 mins late? Wonderful. Glad I wasn't doing it though]

Lunch - The food court at J8. Curry beef rice with cheese and egg was great. It was nice hanging out with some friends too

Pser gathering - Trade, stoning at Cityhall just spinning our pens and talking about stuff; pretty cool imo. Got a few RSVPs and Supertips too =) <3 my new MX, I'll trim the clip after this. (Thanks alot for the great insert Josh!)

I also got a smoky Muji KT and a clear airfit too. Neat takings for the day. Watching the rest enthuse about linkages, tricks and videos, I wonder where the initial enthusiasm, the initial insatiable urge to learn more tricks, to do more cool stuff went. We'll see how things go when I have time. (Wonder when that'll be)

Haircut: $8 haircut, nothing much to say :X Though as an interesting side-effect, I think I'm starting to get the hang of how people sell their services and promote themselves. It's all 'bout customer service, without being too obvious about it

Braces: Just like that, something I've had in my mouth for 6 months now is gone. Don't think I'll miss it terribly though.

Total amount spent? (Sans transport) $6.40 + $7.90 + $2.25 + $1.50 + $8.00 + $2.00 = $28.05 OMGWTF

Ok, today's been supremely self-indulgent. Time to devote the rest of the week to MUGMUGMUG. Shitz hope I make it in time

My dreams scare me sometimes. Seemingly innocent they are, but the way they reflect my innermost desires, my deepest insecurities, my greatest wishes, and of course all the trivialities in life forces me to take a long, hard look at myself, and I don't always like what I see.

We take those near and dear to us foregranted way too often. It's understandable, really. When someone's practically an arm or leg to you, you don't go around minding their feelings or anything strange like that, do you? But we just fail to realize how much a word of thanks, a moment of consideration, an effort to understand, actually matters, and how much better off our time together would be as a result of that. Well, we can't just leave things as they are, someone has to get the ball rolling, so might as well be me >.<

THANKS!!

560. 560. 560. I can understand why you want to do this, but I don't have to like it, do I? Perhaps this is willful reticence on my part, but I don't care. It's not that I think I can't do it. I can, and I will. It's partially indignation for what happened to me at the start of the year, and some other factors, so I really, really don't like the way you're doing things right now.
So sue me.
It doesn't matter though. I'm not so weak as to allow this to affect me, and so long as I get there earlier than the rest, things will turn out exactly the same in the long run. Is that why you keep doing this to me? Cause you know I won't let all these things stop me from shooting? Cause that's not fair y'know? It's practically blackmailing me using my love for the sport. I hate it.
[/rant]

Believe it or not, I do make an effort to analyze my emotions rationally, and I think I'm feeling this way due to the clusterfuck -pardon my language- multitude of events that I've had to push through since I don't know how far back in shooting. The cumulative effect of all these things really get a guy down. I know I have to get rid of this baggage somehow, but I don't see a way to do so in the foreseeable future. Well, life goes on I guess, and the weight on my back just keeps on getting heavier. I wonder when the straw that breaks the Chris' back will finally land. Oh well, we'll see.

Shooting's going well, but I'm gonna go on a mini hiatus in order to gear up for the CTs. Hopefully my standard won't be too severely affected by it :) I think I've shored up enough training on my foundations to be in good stead after I resume, so I'm not overly worried. My jacket's coming in!! By the end of this month if things go well. Just in time for after-CTs training. Hahaha, 560? I'll smash you in no time. MWAHAHAHA

The World Cup. My distraction, but a really nice one =) And I think I can really see the importance of every decision we make here. Nigeria were leading Greece 1-0 when a midfielder pushed and kicked at a Greek player. This momentary lack of control led to him getting red-carded and, at least IMO, the eventual 2-1 loss of the Nigerian team. This cost them dearly: They most likely won't get through the group stages
What a pity.

New day, new, outlook, new hopes, new wishes, new agenda. Let's get it done!

FOCUS! It's all that matters

Look to the sky

It's quite a wondrous thing, that us humans have fully articulated necks. Perhaps t'was to allow our ancestors to look into trees above them to watch out for dinner, but MY explanation is that its function is to allow us to look up to the sky. Looking at the sky, we can aspire to something greater, something higher. We also enjoy the the sky in all its splendor: sunrise, sunset, starry and so on. It's something that I'll never grow tired of looking at :) Of course, there was this story, or perhaps a fable, where an astronomer who kept staring at the sky fell into a hole in the ground. The morale is merely to not have your head in the clouds; but please don't let that detract from the appreciation of the sky, and the wonder it holds.

Hehe, I've said too much. Well, a couple of pics I've taken will come up soon as I get my bluetooth working.

Yup, I'm random sometimes.
Sadly, I don't have any pics of the night sky at Bintam. It was truly breath-taking, with the spread of stars in the vast sky which you just can't see in Singapore. Crux!

A letter (or note) to a friend

I don't really have the luxury of time here, but it'll swirl around my head otherwise, so I just have to get it out. Here goes:

Thanks. Not too bad a way to start something off I guess, so I'll just leave it at that. Thanks for being my friend, for giving me so much and never asking for anything in return. Your cheerfulness, your little antics and you yourself never failed to brighten up my day. Although we have had our disagreements, and I don't always agree with your point of view, you've stuck with me nonetheless. I'm not a "fun" person by nature, and you've called me a wet blanket more than once, but we still hang out anyways, which even now, still seems like a wondrous miracle to me. All the time we've spent; during trainings, after them, just walking around after school, and on the MRT, talking like we had all the time in the world. And maybe, then, we did.

But as they say, time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana, in the blink of an eye, time caught up to us. And those timeless moments came to an end. You have your life and I have mine, but I just wish these days of happiness, joy, and sometimes frustration never had to end. But they did.

Goodbye ________ days

Though our paths diverge, they do occasionally intersect once again. Sorry for not blurting out these feelings, cause our time together's just too precious to waste.

It's only through typing this out and exposing them to the cruel scrutiny of my eyes from an external point of view instead of having it safely enclosed within this head of mine that I realize how lame these thoughts of mine actually are. Well, I'm not going to stop anytime soon, so please either bear with me, or just go away :P

I reject.

As I walk alone, I like to imagine this sphere of isolation around myself. It feels so tangible, it seems like it would keep everyone and everything out of it. In it, at least for that transient moment in which it exists, I reject the world, reject my surroundings, and just be me, myself, unburdened by anything at all. This feeling is simultaneously an empowering one and a lonely one.

I guess it could be seen as a pretty selfish thing, but hopefully everyone can see the allure of it, of blocking out the world and just be-ing. Sometimes I wonder if its this allure that draws me to shooting, and that nagging suspicion has gotten ever so much stronger after my switch to rifle. Staring down that "tunnel" which excludes everything else around me; focusing my mind on a few simple points to the extent that all other matters are excluded, the parallels between shooting and this "sphere of isolation" of mine are immediately obvious.

Aside, "If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world" Oddly appropriate? Or maybe not.

Shooting :D

Training matters:

Don't get ahead of yourself. Focus only on the 3 basic things: Body stability, proper placement of the elbow and maintaining the same amount of strength when triggering

That's all that matters for now since I haven't gotten my own suit yet.

A SUIT! That's more or less all that I'm looking forward to right now. After wearing some random jacket which belongs to RI for the last 2 trainings, I've come to realize how crucial the suit is to rifle shooting. It wouldn't be an exaggeration at all to say that my stability has increased at least twofold after wearing the jacket, and that's not even a jacket which really suits me :D I can't wait.

So yeah, I may be getting ahead of myself but I'd really like to start focusing on the 细节 of rifle shooting right now, instead of being constantly dragged back to the "3 big ideas" which coach has me doing at the moment. I want to improve, I want to shoot better, I want to make each shot perfect. Please, please don't make me wait much longer.

I am impatient. But after much advice from coach, daniel and yulin too, I've managed to reign in this impatience. I'm giving training my all, I'm abiding by what coach wants me to do faithfully. As yulin once told me: Train like you did in Sec 1. I really took that to heart; so now I'm just training hard, training wholeheartedly, with the purpose of laying down a solid foundation ever at the forefront of my mind. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are; I'll stick to it, do it right, and I won't let myself down.

Lastly, it's fun. It's actually fun. When I was shooting my pistol, I never imagined that I could love shooting and training with my rifle this much. But I do. I really do. The feeling of "control" over every shot. The feeling of trying to carry each shot out perfectly to the best of my ability. The awareness of my body, the gun and my thoughts. The sensation of pulling the trigger as those little circles overlap. It's awesome. Yeah, I know I may sound like a nutter, but I do love shooting, and now, I'm not afraid to say it. I LOVE SHOOTING :D:D:D

So even if what someone says is true, that it's just self-indulgence, that there are more important things to work on, I'm never gonna give it up. I'm gonna indulge all I want, cause I love it THAT much. All the pain that I've experienced over these 4 1/2 years as a result of it, the fact that Mengshi was probably right when she said it's all meaningless, that nothing will come out of it don't matter to me at all. Cause I love it.

Words

POST UNDER CONSTRUCTION

My attempt to mentally compose this post while in the shower was more or less a flop, so I'll just do it on the spot instead.

Anyway, looking back on my previous posts, what I find really striking is how those words I typed down seem to capture quite neatly my state of mind at that point of time. So they're like neat little snapshots of this not-so-big-not-so-small mind of mine, which I find really interesting. This also provides a further incentive to continue on with my relentless blathering (besides rambling for the sake of rambling itself of course, which I must say, is a very worthy cause in and of itself)

So, it is oft said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. If so, I daresay the mouth is the doorway to the soul, and the words it forms are the keys to open, unlock and access the soul. I'm betting that you've got a thousand and one objections to this particular analogy, but just stick with me, and we'll see if I can't justify it. (on a not-so-serious note, if you envision the face as the typical house, with the eyes as the windows, the mouth would naturally be the door wouldn't it?)

When I envision people's minds (and perhaps their souls) I see each mind as one of of a whole constellation of stars in this vast emptiness. Some shine more brightly than others, but we're all stars nonetheless. And well, despite so many other stars existing around us, the vast distances separate us, isolating us from each other.

Lost

The past few months have been swell. The rising crest at the start of the year, when things seemed so promising, so full of potential; then the sudden drop as the ground got pulled from under my feet and the waves broke, just like that. Being so involved in the highs and lows as I've never been before in the admittedly short 16 years of my life, I seem to have utterly thrust some thoughts into the background, and they're now rushing at me full-force.

Something that's always bugged me is how I feel when I'm with groups of people. After some observation and a little thinking, I've arrived at the conclusion that there are 3 kinds of people in a group of people: The "leader", the "follower" and the "observer"

Edit: Truncated post after realizing that it didn't make much sense at all :)

Nothing's written in stone, and even then, stone corrodes.

GP today was nothing much. Seriously. Played bball with Gary, William, Brian, Chris and some other J1s after that. Missed out on the opportunity to go training and/or go for class lunch at J8 because of that. I have no idea whether it was worth it or not XD

Joined the class at the top of the 8 after that. Had a little fun. Typing at Kang Yan's piano's teacher's house now. I'm a little too tired to type out my thoughts so this'll have to do for now

No gun no life T_T

I've got no gun to train at Safra and I'm the only rifler shooting "naked" now so to speak. Maybe I'm complaining too much, but I don't really care right now XD