A rueful feeling

Exhausted. 547 for rifle, 514 for pistol. Not that the scores mean anything, if at all. First time seriously shooting rifle in 3 months, and it just made me realize how much more I like it than pistol. It's a lot more fun, a lot less frustrating, more enjoyable as a whole. I would talk more about the process if I weren't so sian, so there. I'm pretty amazed how fast I picked everything back up though, it's just the small things which I couldn't compensate for.

Pistol was quite fail since my arm didn't have much strength left, couldn't allow the gun to drop properly + I was pretty mentally drained from rifle. No excuses though. I'll have to do better during training. I'm quite ashamed that I was quite overwhelmed by dark thoughts at the end. "Hard work is overrated"...I'm going to do so much worse than with rifle and that's after 3 months of hardcoring the former and totally dropping the latter...Coach doesn't care about me...I'm just being forced into this @!#! that I have absolutely no aptitude for...and so on. It's a wonder I managed to finish properly.

And that's the difference between rifle and pistol for me. Rifle is a fulfilling process of self-discovery where you come out a little more mature than when you went in, a better person for having done it. But pistol... ...oh pistol is wading through a swamp. The viscous fluid impedes progress, and really, there's not much progress to speak of. No markers to indicate where you're going, how far you've traveled. Could be eternally going around in circles for all I know. And there's not much room for growth, or to be more precise, recognizing growth. And the worse thing is: Just when you think you've finally gotten out; or at least have 1 foot out of the mire, it finds a way to suck you back in again. You have my word on that.

Yeah. I have a love/hate relationship with shooting X_x

Randomly, I realize that I have cast aside all pretence at having a life. Case in point: My mother freaking offered to get me an Iphone 4, shiny data plan and all, and I flat out rejected her. Thinking about oh-so-mundane concerns such as: "I don't really need an Iphone" , "I'll be going into NS next year, so no need for such an expensive plan". I am such a genius (Y).

Just a few paragraphs worth of venting/whining. Off to shower and do some math > <