I'm disappointed. In myself. It's not about the score anymore, cause it's really gotten to the point where there isn't much of a performance to look forward to in the Nats any longer. I don't really care about the medal that I won't get. And I know that I haven't trained for a week. But never did I expect my condition to be so horrible, to not be able to get it right at all. And after that, allowing myself to be so distracted by it that I couldn't even pull myself together to salvage the rest of it. I'm only glad that it wasn't the real thing; I don't think I could stand a repeat of last year's events.

Maybe another way to look at it would be to try to work on the weaknesses that surfaced today; and I've duly noted them, mentally, at least. But it's a daunting task that awaits, made even more so by the pressing lack of time. So much to do, and I don't know whether my spirit's up to the task. I'll have to tap upon more reserves in the coming 3 weeks. And to be honest, for the first time, I'm really unsure about whether my heart's in this.

I've got to get myself sorted out before this goes any further!