Crossroads

I don't know how to put this into words, exactly, but I'll give it a shot.

It's pretty much like what Kevin was telling me last year, really. As the year progresses - CTs, trainings, relationships, uni talks, other miscellaneous stuff - I get the feeling that the decisions, the choices that are accumulated keep on gaining weight, and this whole mass of possibility is inexorably pushing me down life's path. "Now, how's this any different from any other time?" You may ask, and well, to me it's simply the weight that each decision has. In the past, it was perfectly fine to do whatever I wanted for fun, being whimsical was perfectly acceptable. Heck, there might have been consequences, but nothing I couldn't recover from. But now, that's totally different; for reasons I shouldn't even have to elaborate upon.

It's quite scary, really. And I notice that the fear to bear the burden and responsibility sometimes engenders a certain cavalier attitude and bravado towards life. I've seen it in myself at times. It's far from my place to pass judgment on the behaviour of others, but at least for myself, I have to start treating things much more seriously.
It's time to grow up, much as the child in me wishes not to do so.

Well...yeah. As I type into the night, the CTs ended just yesterday, on a pretty positive note for me, at least. While I still haven't managed to realize that elusive ideal of actually completing a paper for once, Bio was the first paper that I felt satisfied doing, and pretty much the only one which I could walk away from; barest hints of a smile plastered upon my face (and no, it had nothing to do with it being the last paper). Chemistry on the day before was an utter disaster, which I fully intend to remedy in the time to come.

I'm feeling the slightest tinge of guilt for missing trainings this whole week, thrice due to mugging for the CTs, and once as we went out to celebrate its completion. Really enjoyable =)