Heh, the initiative I'd decided to start today while in the shower kind of panned-out after some time spent aimlessly spent on the comp, seems like the resolve was just sapped away. I'll do it tomorrow!

Psychometric test for the PSC thing. The mathematical and logical portions were fine I guess, but it was quite interesting to see how they crafted the contexts and various situations in order to analyze our judgment. Kinda gives an insight into the real world for an admittedly naive person like me. I'm not sure whether I handled it well enough though.

The personality portion on the other hand...I don't really know lah, some of the questions seem to be merely about the human condition, or more specifically, being a student. I mean, after 12 years of formal schooling, which you would not have suffered soul-crushing depression, or ever been so stressed that they felt like giving up. "Felt" being the operative here, by the way. There doesn't seem to be much leeway for a guy who appreciates such minor technicalities. And I realize that on certain aspects, I'm not completely firm as of yet. I think that that's perfectly natural, by the way. One needs time to explore perhaps previously hidden facets of one's personality after all. But I obviously see the allure of someone with clear goals, morals, strong foundations upon which everything is grounded. Very attractive, but not me, at least; not now.

I find myself struggling, really. To keep to the principles which I deem to be my own. And not always simply because it's what I think is right, but because I have to hold on to something. I disgust myself at times. But my hope is that by forcing myself to, even when it harms me to do so, may ingrain them into me, and give me something that is truly mine. So no, when I act, it's not always spontaneous, not always from the goodness of my heart. I just hope you don't think too badly of me for it.