That time, I kinda wanted to say, "yes, very much so." haha but coward that I am; I kept my mouth shut. So I don't have a right to anything now, now do I?
Sitting alone in the class, pen scratching intermittently on paper; I can just about succeed at convincing myself that I want to mug; that I freaking enjoy it.
Cast everything aside. The search for my presently absent soul can resume some other time.
I used to think I was strong enough to be who I wanted to be; do what I wanted to do; whenever, whatever. And yet increasingly, I've been confronted with noting but my weaknesses, one after another parading mockingly before me. Now I'm left waiting and hoping for these chains to disappear; I don't think I can break them anymore.
When faced with problems; I've always looked within myself for the way out. Gazing without in search of a solution is a pretty unfamiliar and slightly frightening experience.
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