The subconscious countdown ticks. 1. I can't help it, really :)

I'll avoid talking about such pedestrian issues as the degree of screwed-upness for the prelims; since that's a given.


I've managed to spend a little while messing around with Google Gravity which my bro introduced me to. Pretty cool I must say xP Everything falls down to the bottom of the screen; including search results (which are limited, of course) then you can use your mouse to flick them around as you wish! Coolest thing is that it can even sense if you turn your com and automatically make the pieces fall in that direction.
(Obviously engineered) Screenshot of some of my meddling below

 Quite low-res, I know, since I have no idea how to put up a screenshot other than copying over to Paint then scaling down. I'm open to suggestions, if there are any. On Chrome instead of the usual Firefox cause it just felt right. Give it a try if you've got a little time to burn.

I'm finding life at home surprisingly enjoyable. Isn't that lonely since the rest are usually home due to the September hols, and I really appreciate the additional opportunity to mess around with my family (though of course they can get horribly infuriating as well!). The only problem is finding it within myself to sit down and focus all my efforts on work; haven't been all too successful.

Minor bit of drama tonight: My maid saw this suspicious-looking guy loitering at the back of our row of houses from upstairs, so she turned out the lights and kept watch on him. Apparently, he went off; came back 15 mins later with some plastic bag and climbed over the back wall into the house neighbouring ours'. Obviously this was pretty suspicious behaviour; so my bro and me ran out (after ensuring we were suitably clothed; it's damn hot these days -.-) to the back to see what was going on. Trying to be as circumspect as possible, 以免打草惊蛇, we peered into the house and noticed that their back gate was ajar. We also heard the sound of furniture being moved around; "Perhaps by a burglar stumbling around in the dark?" an overactive imagination asked. Since there'd been a burglary at another house awhile ago, my bro (he's the brave, decisive one) made a call to the police to report the incident while the two of us remained watching over the back. Nothing seemed to be happening, though, and after awhile, some guy who was walking his dog passed by and asked us if we were waiting for anyone (we must have looked pretty suspicious, now that I think about it; standing around in the dark). When we answered in the affirmative, he said that he'd seen someone running out from the front towards the bus stop. Well, the Police arrived soon after, and the lights came on as well as my neighbours coincidentally got back at the same time. Statements were taken; and in the end, it seems highly likely that the guy in question was their maid's boyfriend "visiting" her while the owners my neighbours were out. Just a theory though.

Haha, disappointed? Well, I did say "minor", plus epic tales of heroism, 见义勇为ness and so on are only present in movies, books, as well as Primary School compos. So there >.<

Anyway; I'm in the mood for my random thoughts; so I'll just dump them here.

I used to think - perhaps a bit foolishly - that personality didn't matter; since it's possible for an individual to control what he (or she) does; and even control to some extent the way he thinks (read: positive/negative reinforcement for example) and acts. Think, for a very simplistic example, of the "bad guy turned good" trope that is so evident in literature. I'd question what personality actually was; the masks that we put on when we face others? (yes, that's a recurring theme) or the real face beneath. Quite some time back; I even got into an identity crisis of sorts, as I just sat there; mentally peeling back the layers like one might an onion, exfoliating myself; so to speak; and horror of horrors: I "realized" that there was nothing beneath, nothing overtly central or core to myself that was irreducible even when everything else had been stripped away.

A few months on, I think I can say that my thinking has matured. In part because I've associated with a number of "bad" personalities (I hesitate to say "bad people" as I believe that there are no truly bad people; just a whole lot of horribly mistaken ones) and one thing I've realized is that yes, they could easily choose to behave another way; but that it's impossible to judge a person in isolation from his choices. I have so many friends (heh, or maybe not that many); perfectly fine people, usually fun to be with; yet infuriating (to me) in their negativity. At first I'd keep making attempts to encourage them; and it works, for some. But there are those who never seem to change, despite all the effort put in; not only by me, but by others as well. And that kinda forced me to the realization that they're that way because they choose (consciously or not) to be that way. I'm not begrudging them that. I don't even know what the point of me saying this is. Probably simply to say that I really place value on these kinds of choices and cannot overstate the importance I place on them. Choices that determine destiny, or so they say.

And this belief has given me grounding, not only in the way I see others but also on a personal level. Where in the past I used to seek a definitive core pillar of "me-ness" which came out (rather immaturely I feel compelled to add) in so-called "golden rules" which I obstinately refused to violate - such as "To never tell lies" for example, or "To not put my interests before those of others" - simply because I wanted some element to grab ahold of in a world of shifting sand; I now realize (in quite a cliched fashion) that what I was looking for had been under my nose the whole time. That "me" that I seeked? Clearly visible when I'm walking along, see some rubbish on the floor and instinctively pick it up to throw away. Also visible; of course, when I could just as easily walk past some crap on the floor and not do anything about it. No need to make a point to myself by going all out to pick up everything that I come across. The same me who doesn't hesitate to offer help to a friend who seems to need it yet who sighs inwardly as my sister has yet another question she can't do and who somewhat imperiously commands her to come over that she may be enlightened. As I start to really pay attention to the choices I make; the way I react to things, I get a clearer picture of the person I am. And this following of trends in choices rather than the very absolutist way in which I used to carry(?) myself has made life a lot easier to live; way more enjoyable; way more appreciable. I do things because I feel (for whatever reason) like doing them; not to prove a point to myself; or - God forbid - other people. Life's much more open now; where I can say: "I am who I am; flawed, true; truly flawed; but me nonetheless" and only feel apologetic about it if I want to be.

Text wall, right? I'm not quite sure if I make much sense to a third-party, as all this is very much an internal train of thought; running on the convoluted tracks of my sulcus (cheem technical term for the crevices in our brains; thanks Google!). And I'm trying to put this certain view on life into words; which I am patently horrible at doing. Same thing goes for my narrative ability :)

Well, have any of you tried out Google Gravity?