One week into the hols, and I feel my brain steadily dying. Perhaps its from the lack of stimulus lately, life seems to be in the doldrums. Lately I find myself devoid of energy, this sian feeling taking over my body - which isn't entirely due to the mugging, I'm sure -  and at night, even when I decide to cut a night of aimless vegetating in front of my computer short and go to bed, I end up staring at the ceiling fan, watching it whirl around, much like the thoughts going through my head, despite my best efforts to clear it.

Things used to be so easy: Just one push of the button and everything's just flushed down the toilet bowl (an unfortunately created mental association which was part of this "trick" I had to clear my head when I shoot)

But it's so much harder now. Things that have to be dealt with cautiously, because one misplaced word could ruin the whole magic that keeps things going. Much like how in those cartoons that used to air when I was a kid; Wile E. Coyote simply runs off a cliff and keeps going through the air till he finally notices the improbability of the situation and gravity gleefully reaches for him, urging him to keep his date with the ground.

Diagrammatic illustrations FTW

To point out the inconsistencies would be to invite discord. So I hold my mouth, looking for the words, looking to be tactful, looking to say WHATEVER except the very words that are on the tip of my tongue. Cause I know that once I let them tumble from my mouth, there's no going back. In Econs, and in common sense, even, we have cost - benefit analyses, and I feel, that in this case, the costs surely outweigh the benefits of getting it off my chest. It's probably naive of me to think that I'll be able to keep holding them back, but I see no other choice.

Heh, just a random thought: Being open is really easier than keeping things to yourself. With the latter, you're bearing the burden all by yourself, while with the former you get to foist it off on your perhaps unwilling victims. Hopefully you can see, that with this line of argument, or at least the phrasing (read into the nuances people!), I'm leaning towards the latter as the less selfish option. Others have their own problems, so though I have a propensity to bitch, I'd rather not add onto them.

We had this compre for GP that talked about a "confessional culture" among today's youth, and I kinda agree with that observation. The prevailing view seems to be that if you don't share much of yourself, you're not being authentic, not serious about making friends. It seems that in our haste to develop relationships, we mistake the "symptoms" (knowing intimate details about each other etc.) of close relationships for the "cause" so to speak and feel that by sharing a multitude of such  pieces of information, a relationship will necessarily deepen. Not quite a social malaise but it has this effect of crowding out "authentic" relationships. Not to mention it gets progressively harder to differentiate between someone who listens because they genuinely care and one who listens cause of social etiquette.

I just thought I'd better say something to offset the coldly calculating tone I tend to adopt, but I don't really know what to say.. I don't doubt that there are those who are genuine at heart, and am proud to count them among my friends. Well, obviously one would tend to think that of their own group of friends but whatever, I don't feel inclined to push the point. Now that I've got my bases secured, I'm off!