I saw a paper boat lying in the grass today on my way back, having taken a 30 min long detour. I find it kinda cool that there's someone out there other than me, who likes to fold paper boats out of random scraps of paper. Doing such small things gives me joy, I guess I've been influenced in part by Orson Scott Card's "The Tales of Alvin Maker" series; the idea of holding back the "Unmaker", the force of chaos, destruction et al, through the small actions of individuals, each creating a little order, a little something special out of the most mundane stuff; I found the idea really appealing and it stuck to me.

I'd like to share one quote which I came across today/yesterday (does it even matter?). It's been attributed to Goethe but some other sources say otherwise, so I won't be putting down the source. Here it is:

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now."

 Blind optimism, or true wisdom? Cynics may believe in the former; but as I am, I'd rather go with the latter, thank you very much. Wisdom because beyond Luck and Providence paving the way once one decides to commit, I believe that through the very act of committing fully, of denying oneself any backup plans and alternatives, the motivation and drive to succeed will be that much stronger, and the likelihood of achieving success will thus be that much higher. Logically speaking, burning bridges, so to speak, is akin to committing suicide. We are constantly cautioned to keep our options open, and scoff at the foolishness of those who work themselves into a corner. However, I believe many have heard the story of the general who burned his bridges, and in doing so, closed off his army's only route of retreat. With no other way out but forwards, they pressed on with their lives on the line, and went on to win the war.

We fear failure, and fear the potential crushing disappointment should we commit fully and come out worse off in the engagement. When we encounter failure, we want to be able to tell others (and even ourselves, at times) "Nah, it was no big deal, it didn't really matter to me after all". I know that this helps us to cope with setbacks in life, but if we go in mentally prepared to fail, then how in the world can we expect ourselves to achieve much success? Some, or even much of life may not require 100% of our effort, but then those crucial moments come along, where we won't be able to just wing it, where we won't get through if we hold even 1% in reserve. Rather than attempting to differentiate between these circumstances; and trust (rather naively) that we'd instinctively recognize such situations and be able to give our all in them, I think it'd be a better idea for us to start getting used to doing so pretty soon, especially considering what a crucial point we're at now.

I'm not a good example. All too often, I find myself saying that I'll "sign up for fun", and so on, and thinking about it (when I do) gets me kind of pissed off at my own lackadaisical attitude. Pissed off at my weakness that requires such shallow words and thinking to shield myself, and as a crutch to lift myself up when I fall. I don't want to be so weak, and yet, this is not one of those situations where pointing out the problem naturally engenders a cure.

Phew, I wonder how I managed to arrive at this point from a quote that was supposed to be inspirational, yet I don't feel inclined to delete the above words, so I'll just leave them be. Ending off, for those of you who fear to commit, to decisively declare, both to the world and yourself: "Yes! I'll do it!" , well, you're not alone, cause at the very least, I'm here struggling with it as well. And don't worry, cause someday down the road, WE WILL DO IT! (Heh, see what I just did there? Now to come through on it)

sorry if my tone seems to fluctuate throughout the post, sometimes even I don't know whether I'm being serious or not :/