So it ends

So. The past week has been an intense one for me, and I'm really sorry for not keeping my promise of updating on Tuesday, but I've been so tired after getting home each day, too wiped out to come up with something coherent.

So yeah, where was I? Intense and highly emotional. Ok. So I didn't perform as well as I'd wanted for my own competition. The correct feeling only came out towards the end, and by then, it was too late. I'm not too bothered by the score, TBH. It's just the fact that I trained hard; I really did. Just like I've been doing the whole time. Kinda makes you question if the sport is intentionally rejecting all your efforts, spurning you. And it makes the decision of whether to continue investing more heart and effort would really be worth it or not.

But I digress. Even more than the above, is the realization; sinking in, that it's pretty much over. Yes, I can say that I'll pick it up later when I have the time; and I'm even entertaining the notion of continuing on myself, despite the many barriers and prohibitively high costs I'd face going at it independently. BUT. The times I've had in RISC are over. I term it as such cause for the lack of a more elegant phrase with which to use. There's nothing which could encompass the entire experience; the feelings I have for Yishun the place, the memories that swell upwards as I walk down that path that I must have trodden down hundreds, if not almost a thousand times; alone, at times, and occasionally with a friend or two. The time spent hanging out before AND after training, inane conversations held over lunch/dinner, all things that have been etched indelibly, in one way or another, onto my heart and soul (assuming I do have one, of course) And that's leaving out the immensely personal experiences I've had with shooting, which I shall not go into great detail about right now.
[Yes, I know my sentence structure leaves much to be desired]

Some might say that I'm being foolish, or merely stating the obvious, even. Experiences pass, stages in life pass, life goes on. Screw them. The depth of emotion, the ties, are there, and it's not something I can move on from so easily. Those bittersweet times are an integral part of me, and as I move on, I feel a little empty inside, as if a gap opened up that won't easily be filled.

This mood has made me a little testy, and quite reactionary of late. My thoughtless response to a friend's comment that got on my nerves a little resulted in an unpleasant outcome, which I utterly regret. So I'm trying to sort things out internally, come to grips with the new situation and make the appropriate adjustments. I think I'll succeed, eventually, but please pardon me if in the interim, I lapse into occasional bouts of moodiness..

That aside, I had a really great Good Friday with Angela, Mervyn and Jack. We basically lepaked at Angela's house, which is in this huge, sprawling condo estate that has its own restaurant, kindergarten and whatnot. Quite impressive. We then went cycling at ECP, where the public holiday crowd was so bad that some places were even out of bikes D:

Abrupt ending here.