Study Break

It's been a great 4 days. Alot of time to chill, relax and unwind, studying aside, and the previous week in camp wasn't bad at all either!

Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up by pent-up emotions, and get so carried away by events, trapped in the moment, that you simply lose a clear perspective of things. Or perhaps it's more accurate to say that guys go through mood swings too ><

I guess I'm a pretty unambitious guy *gasp* and I'm perfectly contented with just spending time with my loved ones, and...well...the extra time I've spent at home has led me to realize once again what I'm missing out on whilst serving NS. I hate the feeling of counting down to an impending book-in, of having to rush the weekly Sunday ritual, of not having the time to make awkward-ish conversation with my Aunt & Uncle when they come over at night. It's a very disrupted pace of life.

So I'll enjoy my book-outs, however transient, and look forward to the occasional long weekends as well; I've already planned out how I'll spend my outstanding leave - pretty much like how a working adult would, now that I think about it - which I'll be taking in the days following Christmas and leading up to the New Year, and there may be a few offs as well, depending on how Ex Hercules 2 goes, so that's that. I'll try to make the most of my time in camp though, especially after getting this pesky BMAT out of the way, maybe become a more proficient L2 operator, work on my fitness (how could my timing drop by so much 囧) read up on some things of interest, work on my Foosball, and perhaps most importantly, working on my HR skills, which have shown some glaring deficiencies of late; so let's see how that goes.

Get over it

I seem to run through the five stages of grief pretty quickly, though perhaps I may simply be arrested at Stage 1, only time will tell. But for now, I'm pretty fine.

Dare to dream, and have the resolve to follow through on it. That's what I shall spend the next year doing, to fulfill it with confidence, not step in with naivete. A friend told me once that to become imba you simply have to follow your interests and allow yourself to become immersed in it, without allowing laziness to overtake you. It may be a pretty hefty detour, but I hope to make it worth the effort. Much discussion awaits over the weekend, and I know I'll have to deal with betrayed expectations, but I think I'll be able to get through it.

It's been a pretty interesting week at SCS, shall write more about it later, since I have some SDL and quizzes to be done with xP Let's just say I feel more motivated to perform in here now (not that I wasn't already before!) and to maximize all that I can get out of the experience to develop my assertiveness, confidence in presenting myself and leadership as well. Hehx, all three sound pretty similar now that I think about it, but oh well.

Life will find a way

Having listened to people who live day to day, as they attempt to juggling various pressing concerns; utilities, education, loans, transport, food, and so on; I've realized how laughable my desire to earn "only" just enough so that my family can have a comfortable life would sound to them!

I'm pretty confident at my ability to find fulfillment in someway or another in what I do; so I'm resolved to not be so hesitant about the future, or to keep worrying about future outcomes. And even if I don't end up where I want to be, I'm sure I'll be able to derive joy from some other areas of life.

I feel young for once, after yesterday. Woefully helpless, true, but able to see the future and potential ahead of me. It was good to mix with a different breed of people (not being elitist or discriminatory or anything, but that's the truth) for once, really enlightening and inspiring. 

The word "Youth" is starting to gain some pretty positive connotations in my mind.

In my happy place

School may be monotonous; morning spent enclosed within those 4 walls, afternoons stuck within that cubicle, head buried, intent, nary a word said to another individual. The ride home; stuck within that metal box, jostling with fellow commuters to get the privilege of being squashed together like sardines. And I turn inwards, upon myself. But when I look out, a new sunset, one I've never quite seen before, and probably never will again. The path home, so well traveled and familiar, yet with subtly noticeable differences. Wonders and marvels abound, a rich wealth of sensations to be tapped upon.

I guess that's the reason I get out of bed for everyday; to meet a brand new day, a sunrise I've never seen before, always something fresh and new, if you just know where to look for it, intriguing developments, while other things remain the same, blissfully so, in fact.

And now onto GP, lest I be sucked into that vicious and all-too-familiar cycle of sleep deprivation all over again. And just after I'd put some hours into that bank too! *hmm maybe I should try to cajole some sort of interest out of it, or maybe direct them towards more profitable enterprises instead*