A single day, my weekend cleaved in half by 1x Weekend guard duty, but a day pretty fruitfully spent methinks. I managed to catchup with an old friend (and catch The Amazing Spiderman as well) morning to mid-afternoon, give my boots a pretty decent shine for Monday's parade and dump more than enough books into my new Kindle Touch to last me through the week.
I've probably got alot to think about, what with things developing as fast as they are, but perhaps the best thing now is to simply keep my head down and focus on one thing at a time, to take them as they come and finish them off with aplomb.
That's all I have time for, unfortunately, so till next week~
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Each day it seems like I lose a little bit of myself, and gain something different in return. A multitude of changes, stacking up imperceptibly, but definitively. Am I who I was a week ago? A month ago? And is that for better or for worse? I'll never know.
"You'll never know" - hauntingly memorable last words.
The past week passed in deep slumber for me, nothing quite registering, events skipping across the waters of my consciousness. It's not that I distanced myself from them, or wasn't involved, or that I found them boring, but that I simply found myself strangely out of it, a little bereft of the motivation and "on-ness" I'd tapped on in SCS. I think I'm still in the process of adjusting; I don't hate ETI, but really miss the bunk environment I enjoyed with the guys in Bravo.
Amidst all this I count my blessings; that I've got the guys who came over with me, and who unquestioningly and unhesitatingly offer me their assistance and support, especially since I'm the store IC for my platoon (stores are the bread and butter of engineers, in case you were wondering) and still not-100%-clear as to which stores go where. Managing a whole platoon of guys who are somewhat reluctant to burn their admin time to do stores can be intimidating, and I could sense them getting quite impatient while I needed to clarify some things with the sergeants. The reassurance that I could count on them no matter what (of course without taking advantage of them) was a much appreciated source of strength for me, and allowed me to be strong myself, despite constantly being the last man up at the end of each session, having to account for everything, tying up the various loose ends and returning the store keys. And sometimes it simply feels good to sit down for meals with the same few familiar faces, be it engaging in the same old banter and mutual whining or consuming our food in silence. Old company enjoyed in a new one.
I think it's good to have friends who both need you and whom you need. Perhaps not the most eloquent way to phrase it, but what the heck. They give you strength with their presence and simultaneously you become strong to give them strength as well.
In a week thoroughly drowned, dampened, battered under, murdered and quenched by a couple of tests and a series of horribly dry and dreary lectures, the demolition live firing was certainly a high point. We'd had to prepare the stores the night before, and reveille at 3.30 to set off as my detail was the ammo party and had to load up to the ammo tonner to collect the demolitions materials from the ammo dump. Groggy were we, dozing off at practically every opportunity, heads lolling around, exaggerated by the weight of our helmets, till it was time to perform our duties. Well let's skip straight to the live-firing, shall we? I'd initially been pretty tense about having to handle the explosives, especially after learning about their destructive power; and having thoroughly mugged the various safety radii and other specs, but it turned out to be nothing much after all. A block 3 charge is just this light brown plastic block, just 0.5kg, which looks pretty nondescript. We just stuck in the det cord and that was it. The rod of PE was even funnier; softer than playdough, and pretty fun to mould and "play" around with, save being able to feel the crystals of explosive in its texture. Wrap it around the det cord and we were done. I was lucky enough to be the firer, so I got to prepare the I-chain, prime the charge, and set off the ignitor on command, shouting "IGNITED" and counting off while running for my life, pushed along by Staff Alfred as we ran uphill to the coverpoint. And I continued counting..and counting...and counting...fifty thousand...sixty thousand...seventy thousand...upon which the charges detonated, one bay after the other. I thought the matador was a big deal, that the M203 was pretty cool, but they're nothing compared to the blast effect of actual explosives lol. Even under cover, the blast effect can be felt rippling through the air, and it actually felt more intense back at the training shed, further from the firing point; shaking the whiteboard there. It's verrrryy shiok.
Well, I think there should be a meaningful conclusion to this post but nothing really comes to mind, so I'll just leave it as such. Awesome Germany vs Greece match I caught awhile ago, albeit wholly one-sided.
"You'll never know" - hauntingly memorable last words.
The past week passed in deep slumber for me, nothing quite registering, events skipping across the waters of my consciousness. It's not that I distanced myself from them, or wasn't involved, or that I found them boring, but that I simply found myself strangely out of it, a little bereft of the motivation and "on-ness" I'd tapped on in SCS. I think I'm still in the process of adjusting; I don't hate ETI, but really miss the bunk environment I enjoyed with the guys in Bravo.
Amidst all this I count my blessings; that I've got the guys who came over with me, and who unquestioningly and unhesitatingly offer me their assistance and support, especially since I'm the store IC for my platoon (stores are the bread and butter of engineers, in case you were wondering) and still not-100%-clear as to which stores go where. Managing a whole platoon of guys who are somewhat reluctant to burn their admin time to do stores can be intimidating, and I could sense them getting quite impatient while I needed to clarify some things with the sergeants. The reassurance that I could count on them no matter what (of course without taking advantage of them) was a much appreciated source of strength for me, and allowed me to be strong myself, despite constantly being the last man up at the end of each session, having to account for everything, tying up the various loose ends and returning the store keys. And sometimes it simply feels good to sit down for meals with the same few familiar faces, be it engaging in the same old banter and mutual whining or consuming our food in silence. Old company enjoyed in a new one.
I think it's good to have friends who both need you and whom you need. Perhaps not the most eloquent way to phrase it, but what the heck. They give you strength with their presence and simultaneously you become strong to give them strength as well.
In a week thoroughly drowned, dampened, battered under, murdered and quenched by a couple of tests and a series of horribly dry and dreary lectures, the demolition live firing was certainly a high point. We'd had to prepare the stores the night before, and reveille at 3.30 to set off as my detail was the ammo party and had to load up to the ammo tonner to collect the demolitions materials from the ammo dump. Groggy were we, dozing off at practically every opportunity, heads lolling around, exaggerated by the weight of our helmets, till it was time to perform our duties. Well let's skip straight to the live-firing, shall we? I'd initially been pretty tense about having to handle the explosives, especially after learning about their destructive power; and having thoroughly mugged the various safety radii and other specs, but it turned out to be nothing much after all. A block 3 charge is just this light brown plastic block, just 0.5kg, which looks pretty nondescript. We just stuck in the det cord and that was it. The rod of PE was even funnier; softer than playdough, and pretty fun to mould and "play" around with, save being able to feel the crystals of explosive in its texture. Wrap it around the det cord and we were done. I was lucky enough to be the firer, so I got to prepare the I-chain, prime the charge, and set off the ignitor on command, shouting "IGNITED" and counting off while running for my life, pushed along by Staff Alfred as we ran uphill to the coverpoint. And I continued counting..and counting...and counting...fifty thousand...sixty thousand...seventy thousand...upon which the charges detonated, one bay after the other. I thought the matador was a big deal, that the M203 was pretty cool, but they're nothing compared to the blast effect of actual explosives lol. Even under cover, the blast effect can be felt rippling through the air, and it actually felt more intense back at the training shed, further from the firing point; shaking the whiteboard there. It's verrrryy shiok.
Well, I think there should be a meaningful conclusion to this post but nothing really comes to mind, so I'll just leave it as such. Awesome Germany vs Greece match I caught awhile ago, albeit wholly one-sided.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Just kill me now.
Argh, a well-documented depression known as the "post SCS depression" has afflicted much of us engineer-commanders-to-be in the ETI. Regimentation on the level of BMT, while understandable on a logical level, will take some adjusting too, especially after being spoiled by the degree of freedom we'd been given during our foundation term. Activities were very packed, had ALOT to do over the first 3 days of the course, and we're still at week 0, 13 more weeks to go. I really don't know. Sometimes I feel things are very screwed up, want to scream out loud, and whine incessantly to someone, but I really can't allow myself to do so. I think some of the others are feeling it worse than me, and while we do find some solace in commiseration, there's kind of an obligation to put a positive spin on things, attempt to be optimistic, try to offer some support :S Can't really tell it to my family as well, don't want to make them worry when they have other more pressing concerns, and it's not a feeling that I can articulate well too; things haven't really been that bad, so I don't want to sound like a whiner haha.
The feeling was most acute late last night, as I sat in front of my laptop, tired, staring at the slides to be tested on, slides which they hadn't gone through, and were well..not that well done up to say the least, trying to absorb the list of facts being spammed, safety distances, etc that were plain memory work, and being unable to retain anything in my brain. Felt even worse than mugging for the As..at least then, things made sense.
Some positives though, but I shan't elaborate on them since I'm not done with my mugging yet. Cheerios.
Expect post frequency to decrease dramatically (but who reads this anyway, eh? :P) due to lack of time and energy, and also because we no longer have laptops/internet access in the awesome ETI, as LEARNet hasn't been rolled out to us yet, a little ironic how much the loss is felt, especially since so many of us were hammering LEARNet for it's uselessness in BMT and SCS. And besides, I think I've been drained of the ability to make semi-insightful posts, so it's no great loss there!
Argh, a well-documented depression known as the "post SCS depression" has afflicted much of us engineer-commanders-to-be in the ETI. Regimentation on the level of BMT, while understandable on a logical level, will take some adjusting too, especially after being spoiled by the degree of freedom we'd been given during our foundation term. Activities were very packed, had ALOT to do over the first 3 days of the course, and we're still at week 0, 13 more weeks to go. I really don't know. Sometimes I feel things are very screwed up, want to scream out loud, and whine incessantly to someone, but I really can't allow myself to do so. I think some of the others are feeling it worse than me, and while we do find some solace in commiseration, there's kind of an obligation to put a positive spin on things, attempt to be optimistic, try to offer some support :S Can't really tell it to my family as well, don't want to make them worry when they have other more pressing concerns, and it's not a feeling that I can articulate well too; things haven't really been that bad, so I don't want to sound like a whiner haha.
The feeling was most acute late last night, as I sat in front of my laptop, tired, staring at the slides to be tested on, slides which they hadn't gone through, and were well..not that well done up to say the least, trying to absorb the list of facts being spammed, safety distances, etc that were plain memory work, and being unable to retain anything in my brain. Felt even worse than mugging for the As..at least then, things made sense.
Some positives though, but I shan't elaborate on them since I'm not done with my mugging yet. Cheerios.
Expect post frequency to decrease dramatically (but who reads this anyway, eh? :P) due to lack of time and energy, and also because we no longer have laptops/internet access in the awesome ETI, as LEARNet hasn't been rolled out to us yet, a little ironic how much the loss is felt, especially since so many of us were hammering LEARNet for it's uselessness in BMT and SCS. And besides, I think I've been drained of the ability to make semi-insightful posts, so it's no great loss there!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Things will never be the same
Didn't know that it would hit me so hard; a physical manifestation, a gnawing at my heart. Hugging the guys who'd gotten posted to infantry and when they had left, feeling the emptiness of the bunk, bedsheets, pillowcases, blankets removed, all personal artefacts packed up into hulking fieldpacks, ginormous duffels. An indescribable sense of loss. Strange how strong those ties built up over 8 weeks of near constant companionship had become, talking cock, singing song, sleeping, eating together, going outfield, doing pt and other random shit together, spending a whole lot more time with them than I have with my family. Or perhaps I'd come to identify too strongly with the feeling of being in a section, and gradually growing to identify myself as such, such that the breaking up of the section as we each received our own postings was immensely heartbreaking. I'll miss you guys, we spent 24 hours for at least 5 days a week together over the course of 8 weeks, almost a thousand in total, and they were pretty enjoyable ones at that, no matter how much we'd complain or comment about his behaviour or other stuff like that. I teared up, even needing Ying Hui to come over to comfort me :/
Well I'm over that, and alot of them are joining me over at the ETI, so things aren't too bad, and we've gotta move forwards, anyway, right? Just hope I don't end up on bomb disposal or CMRE haha
Well I'm over that, and alot of them are joining me over at the ETI, so things aren't too bad, and we've gotta move forwards, anyway, right? Just hope I don't end up on bomb disposal or CMRE haha
Friday, June 8, 2012
Farewell Bravo~
Last post from this particular laptop as a member of Bravo Coy. I'm nursing a particularly bad bout of running nose so I'll keep this short. The 8 weeks passed really fast, without much time to comprehend what has happened over this period of time. I've managed to do more than in Bronco I think, mostly over the last couple of weeks, where I've been the LSC and LPS. I've made more than a few new friends; possibly closer to them than my BMTC section, and we've had some pretty interesting experiences together. I've come to accept the more unsavory aspects of human nature, mostly selfishness and unwillingness to help out, and I've been guilty of that as well, though I do try to contribute, above and beyond my minimal obligations. I've also discovered the more unpleasant side of my personality; a tendency to get testy with my responses when caught in a bad moment; or at the limits of my tolerance. I've found that I can tahan alot of things though, and that is pretty encouraging. I've learned that the best way to lead and influence (for me at least) is by example, by leading the way, doing it myself first. Morale highground, you know ;) and yet I've also realized that one can't do everything alone, and if you persist in doing so, you only make yourself bitter, angry and frustrated. Best is to encourage and foster participation, while getting yourself involved as well; although coorperation may be grudgingly given, you still get things done, and build up some cohesiveness too. Respect other's opinions, for they may be correct, and you'll earn their respect for doing so as well.
In all, I guess I learnt that I'm not as utterly hopeless as I'd initially thought, yet it's something that I have to put alot more work into, to build up my confidence and awareness in so many ways, and I'm really quite fortunate that I have so many people around me that I can look to for both positive and negative examples hahaha.
Keeping my fingers crossed for a good posting!
-SCT CHRISTOPHER TEOW KANG JUN 2113 BRAVO COY
Bravo's been awesome, more than I could have possibly hoped for :)
In all, I guess I learnt that I'm not as utterly hopeless as I'd initially thought, yet it's something that I have to put alot more work into, to build up my confidence and awareness in so many ways, and I'm really quite fortunate that I have so many people around me that I can look to for both positive and negative examples hahaha.
Keeping my fingers crossed for a good posting!
-SCT CHRISTOPHER TEOW KANG JUN 2113 BRAVO COY
Bravo's been awesome, more than I could have possibly hoped for :)
Monday, June 4, 2012
Carpe Diem
For what does time slither by, so insidiously, to no avail? For whom does it do so?
The birth and death of the Sun means nothing, to those who look upon the world through deadfish eyes. Stagnant they are, to them, nothing moves, the seasons mere annoyances to contend with, calendars but desktop paperweights to chalk and murder the passage of time.
The rebirth of the sun, the rise of the full moon, is for those with wonder in their eyes and see opportunity in the turn of the day. They have a goal, and each day passes with bated breathe, controlled excitement; as the attainment of it draws closer.
This wasn't intended to be an optimistic post, though. Was merely reflecting on how things sometimes seem so meaningless, and wondering, how I could get myself out of this rut, to put some life into my eyes, passion into my step and imbue my actions with purpose and meaning. Sometimes I think we're too jaded; made to grow up too fast that all semblance of youthful vigour has been stripped away.
But it doesn't have to be that way.
It doesn't.
The birth and death of the Sun means nothing, to those who look upon the world through deadfish eyes. Stagnant they are, to them, nothing moves, the seasons mere annoyances to contend with, calendars but desktop paperweights to chalk and murder the passage of time.
The rebirth of the sun, the rise of the full moon, is for those with wonder in their eyes and see opportunity in the turn of the day. They have a goal, and each day passes with bated breathe, controlled excitement; as the attainment of it draws closer.
This wasn't intended to be an optimistic post, though. Was merely reflecting on how things sometimes seem so meaningless, and wondering, how I could get myself out of this rut, to put some life into my eyes, passion into my step and imbue my actions with purpose and meaning. Sometimes I think we're too jaded; made to grow up too fast that all semblance of youthful vigour has been stripped away.
But it doesn't have to be that way.
It doesn't.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Being serious about something. Perhaps being mature and serious about it means not doing it the way you would do it; or maybe not being so lax that you do it any which way, with the excuse that that's simply the way you are, and rather doing it in the way that will allow you to accomplish it successfully. It's very easy to go around condemning people for not being true to themselves, while perhaps they should be commended for wanting it so much, being so serious about it that they're willing to put that extra effort into being something that they're not, just so that they can get it. Eh?
Not quite my style, but perhaps I should steer away from my undeniably stupid policy of almost-full disclosure and try to incorporate just a little guile and finesse into my future endeavors. They don't want to see the mental conflict and anguish resolved over the course of one page of words, what they want to see is simply what is so appealing about you. KISS
Not quite my style, but perhaps I should steer away from my undeniably stupid policy of almost-full disclosure and try to incorporate just a little guile and finesse into my future endeavors. They don't want to see the mental conflict and anguish resolved over the course of one page of words, what they want to see is simply what is so appealing about you. KISS
We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.
-Galway Kinnell
Friday, June 1, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
I've lost myself somewhere along the way. It's not that I hadn't thought things through, but now with things the way they are, I'm being forced to reconsider, and oddly enough, I find it very disconcerting. Can't help my feel that I'm very half-assed in the things that I do; sorely lacking in passion and determination, and that possibly because I'm relatively open-minded about things, and have a pretty laid-back attitude towards the things I do, which I'm starting to find very detestable. It's not something anyone else can help with, no matter how much I want someone to confide in.
Friday, May 25, 2012
KYan: Guess what? I got 11th in my class!!
Me (a little asshole I guess): Out of?
KYan: 40! I got top for Chinese
Me (genuinely impressed): Congrats!
KYan: Guess my L1R5?
*random guesses, and she bobs her head ever upwards, till I guess 18*
KYan: You were looking at my head right! It's 11! (Troll much -.-) Guess my Poly L1R5?
*shows 3 fingers*
Me: 3?
KYan: 8 la
Me: Do you want to go poly?
KYan: Yeah
Me: Why?
KYan: Because if I fail JC I'll go poly anyway!
....
*takes the iPad from me and goes off*
Me (a little asshole I guess): Out of?
KYan: 40! I got top for Chinese
Me (genuinely impressed): Congrats!
KYan: Guess my L1R5?
*random guesses, and she bobs her head ever upwards, till I guess 18*
KYan: You were looking at my head right! It's 11! (Troll much -.-) Guess my Poly L1R5?
*shows 3 fingers*
Me: 3?
KYan: 8 la
Me: Do you want to go poly?
KYan: Yeah
Me: Why?
KYan: Because if I fail JC I'll go poly anyway!
....
*takes the iPad from me and goes off*
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Field Camp the II
Fieldcamp this week was rather more memorable than the one we had during BMT, which can probably be attributed to the 'favourable' climate this time round. I'll never forget the hours spent - on two consecutive nights, no less! - late in the night and in the wee hours of the morning, hours spent staring morosely into space as rivulets of water found their way through our seemingly non-existent groundsheet (the waterproof lining was compromised, you see) and soaked me to the core. The frantic scramble to set up shelter in the dark proved to be an exercise in futility. Merciless skies unleashed their fury on us throughout the night, and on the second night, sheet lightning flashed through the sky, followed shortly by resounding roars of thunder, from all around us. We were in the middle of the storm, and atop a hill, furthermore, and were seriously praying and fervently hoping that we wouldn't be the catalyst for yet another safety timeout, yet another condemnation to safety in the SAF.
-TBC First Parade beckons
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I realize what I want isn't for you to like me, or anything like that, but rather to hear from you, for all the good that'll do. Grevious foolishness on my part, that.
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Slipping, sliding, scrambling up the treacherous slopes, yet another downside to hilltop life; panting uncontrollably while making my way up with the fieldpack to setup camp; hoisting the MATADOR across my shoulders, and the occasional trip up after returning from the training shed below, heaving a jerry can - nearly 20kg - along for the journey. Even with rotation it was still freaking tiring. And of course the trips up and down made in the dark, simply hoping not to fall, or that if I fell, that I wouldn't land wrongly and OOC from it.
Hours spent sitting in the mud, trying to make myself comfortable, all kinds of positions; iLBV on, iLBV off, sitting on my rifle, leaning against my fieldpack, lying on my fieldpack, sitting crosslegged, rifle across my knees, so on and so forth, doing absolutely nothing, nothing and waiting, random musings passing through my head, the future, first and foremost, but that for later.
The second night, huddling together under the groundsheet, legs curled into fetal position, donning my Goretex, a source of much comfort, a ward against the shivering. Curled up alongside Yan Seng and Theodore, not saying a word to each other, commiserating in the shared situation.
Section Battle Course, much toned down than previous years, yet messed up nonetheless, conducting Fire Movement up the hill; literally 'chiong sua', hilarious when I was the IC yet unable to climb up as it was too muddy at my location and requiring Janus to clamber up first to offer me a hand, when I was taking too long and the rest were several bounds ahead already. I wasn't the only one who had that problem haha.
And of course the simple act of proning on alert, uncomfortable with the magazines pressing against my abdomen, aggravating already present abrasions. Yet you realize there's a certain trick to it; you fidget a little, try to find the most comfortable position, and simply do-not-move. Rest your helmet against the scope, or your chin against the cheek rest, or various other "styles", and settle in.
And of course, the heat rash, a still-present reminder of the days that passed, prickling me into immobility, forcing a slight tightening of the back, and testing my resolution to keep my hands at bay, to not descent into a fit of frenzied, uncontrollable scratching at an itch which simply refuses to leave me alone. Practically the whole company was afflicted..guess that's what happens when you can't bathe for a few days, and changing into fresh clothes is rendered ineffective due to the constant rain and ever-present moisture.
Abrupt end. Pizza in the bunk is simply heavenly.
-TBC First Parade beckons
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I realize what I want isn't for you to like me, or anything like that, but rather to hear from you, for all the good that'll do. Grevious foolishness on my part, that.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Slipping, sliding, scrambling up the treacherous slopes, yet another downside to hilltop life; panting uncontrollably while making my way up with the fieldpack to setup camp; hoisting the MATADOR across my shoulders, and the occasional trip up after returning from the training shed below, heaving a jerry can - nearly 20kg - along for the journey. Even with rotation it was still freaking tiring. And of course the trips up and down made in the dark, simply hoping not to fall, or that if I fell, that I wouldn't land wrongly and OOC from it.
Hours spent sitting in the mud, trying to make myself comfortable, all kinds of positions; iLBV on, iLBV off, sitting on my rifle, leaning against my fieldpack, lying on my fieldpack, sitting crosslegged, rifle across my knees, so on and so forth, doing absolutely nothing, nothing and waiting, random musings passing through my head, the future, first and foremost, but that for later.
The second night, huddling together under the groundsheet, legs curled into fetal position, donning my Goretex, a source of much comfort, a ward against the shivering. Curled up alongside Yan Seng and Theodore, not saying a word to each other, commiserating in the shared situation.
Section Battle Course, much toned down than previous years, yet messed up nonetheless, conducting Fire Movement up the hill; literally 'chiong sua', hilarious when I was the IC yet unable to climb up as it was too muddy at my location and requiring Janus to clamber up first to offer me a hand, when I was taking too long and the rest were several bounds ahead already. I wasn't the only one who had that problem haha.
And of course the simple act of proning on alert, uncomfortable with the magazines pressing against my abdomen, aggravating already present abrasions. Yet you realize there's a certain trick to it; you fidget a little, try to find the most comfortable position, and simply do-not-move. Rest your helmet against the scope, or your chin against the cheek rest, or various other "styles", and settle in.
And of course, the heat rash, a still-present reminder of the days that passed, prickling me into immobility, forcing a slight tightening of the back, and testing my resolution to keep my hands at bay, to not descent into a fit of frenzied, uncontrollable scratching at an itch which simply refuses to leave me alone. Practically the whole company was afflicted..guess that's what happens when you can't bathe for a few days, and changing into fresh clothes is rendered ineffective due to the constant rain and ever-present moisture.
Abrupt end. Pizza in the bunk is simply heavenly.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
NE more of this and I'm gonna explode
Is it ever acceptable to be a "Good Trier" without ever having the results to speak for your efforts? It's really a question of whether it's the process or the results that matter. Not too sure where I stand on that. Of course I'd like to be able to obtain both; impossibility of "obtaining" a process aside, and of course the process is important, but it sucks to not have an external validation of sorts.
And someone told me that he respected me today /excites hahaha how often does one hear that to the face XD
Well anyway, had a horrific 5-10 mins today, but other than that, I'll be fine. Managed to set a PB for the SOC today morning, and that despite having taken the IPPT the day before. Kinda makes me feel proud for not having taken the easy way out and excused myself (as the IPPT-takers were given the option to do) and instead making myself do it.
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Sometimes events that befall me are so ridiculous that I can't help laughing, despite suffering as a result of aforesaid events occurring. I feel like elaborating on the camera chase that played out over the past few days, so that's what I shall do:
I somehow found myself in charge of presenting a board game my platoon adapted (or rather ripped off) from an extant board game for an NE presentation. It's a really really really (I can't quite summon the relevant superlatives, so cut me some slack here) complex game which isn't quite suitable to be presented to large groups. So I found myself with a dilemma. Cause you see, encik had requested/demanded/ordered that we do up a game of some kind - influenced no doubt by the presentation of Charlie which had wrested the trophy from us the previous bactch - and to present it in a captivating manner, and moreover to complete it on a tight deadline. I realize I need to correct myself. I wasn't a dilemma I found myself with, but rather a steaming fresh pile of shit that had somehow landed itself squarely in my hands. Being who I am, I wasn't inclined to engage in shit-slinging and ended up trying to mold the shit into something comprehensible. This "plan" I had in mind involved taking pictures of various set-ups of cards and board for use in a mini-skit of sorts; not the most original of ideas, I'll readily admit.
Anyways, as I alluded to earlier, obtaining that camera was a bloody pain in the ass. (painful imagery, that) Seems like the whole of Bravo is armed with but a single camera, which happened to be drawn out by Platoon 3 just when I needed it. No problem, how long could they take, right?
Wrong. They held onto it for a day and a half before finally returning it to the company office. But. (There's always a but) But they removed the memory card; took it out of camp, in fact, to work upon their video during Wednesday's nights off. And that after repeated attempts to hurry them up. Bandied around the idea of passing the cards and boards to Ying Hui who was going home for him to take the required photographs but it was a no go, apparently cause my partners hadn't finished drawing some things. No matter, can always use the camera when I get back, right?
Wrong. Turns out the WO in charge of the camera took it with him/locked it up (I don't really know which) when he booked out at 5+, and they couldn't sign in the memory card without him being in camp, so on to Thursday, with the IC's promise that he'd return it ASAP. Okay, still one more day till Friday, a little squeezed for time, but still doable, right?
Wrong. They only managed to return the memory card after an arms drill which stretched till 10+, after which I went to the Coy office to look for the WO to borrow the camera. No such luck, he wasn't in. Went to check the store (he's in charge of it) and he wasn't there either. Spied a familiar form at the smoking corner so there I went, taking a deep breath before sallying forth. Mission accomplished (finally) right?
Wrong. Turns out I was one step too late; some of the commanders/higher-ups had taken the camera for a recce of our field camp site, they'd be back after lunch. So up to my bunk I went, fretting over the script which I wasn't sure how to resolve, not to mention the recruitment of my "actors". Down for lunch and back again, first thing I did was to go to the Coy office to borrow the camera. Asked 2IC; YES IT'S THERE, HALLELUJAH. Signed it out after the relevant paperwork and left after entrusting it to some of our OOC personnel to take the required pictures; we hadn't completed the day's activities, you see. Gao Ding! Right?
Wrong. The pictures weren't good enough, as I realized upon first glance, so I did it myself later on. FINALLY. But nope. SAF has a security policy, you see, we aren't allowed to insert/connect storage mediums to our SAF-issued laptops, so any data transfer from the camera to the computer had to be done using the 2ICs terminal. And yet by the time I realized that the pictures taken were inadequate and did the required retakes, 2IC had booked out for the day. Cursing the lack of initiative of the OOC personnel who'd spent practically the whole day in the Coy office with the 2IC, there was really nothing I could do Thursday night except fret endlessly over the whole episode, and ranting sporadically to the more sympathetic of my bunkmates, while sharing endless bouts of laughs at how bloody ridiculous the whole thing had become.
And by the time the photos were finally transferred over to the internal system, there was undoubtedly insufficient time to do up a passable presentation, as I had been planning to use the slides as a visual aid for the presentation. And thus, an onstage crucifixion (not spelt crucification, my bad).
On the whole, events weren't totally within my control (a gross understatement methinks) but I could probably have done alot more towards remedying the situation had I the foresight and been more assertive as a leader. Hope the negative ramifications aren't too much for me to handle.
And someone told me that he respected me today /excites hahaha how often does one hear that to the face XD
Well anyway, had a horrific 5-10 mins today, but other than that, I'll be fine. Managed to set a PB for the SOC today morning, and that despite having taken the IPPT the day before. Kinda makes me feel proud for not having taken the easy way out and excused myself (as the IPPT-takers were given the option to do) and instead making myself do it.
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Sometimes events that befall me are so ridiculous that I can't help laughing, despite suffering as a result of aforesaid events occurring. I feel like elaborating on the camera chase that played out over the past few days, so that's what I shall do:
I somehow found myself in charge of presenting a board game my platoon adapted (or rather ripped off) from an extant board game for an NE presentation. It's a really really really (I can't quite summon the relevant superlatives, so cut me some slack here) complex game which isn't quite suitable to be presented to large groups. So I found myself with a dilemma. Cause you see, encik had requested/demanded/ordered that we do up a game of some kind - influenced no doubt by the presentation of Charlie which had wrested the trophy from us the previous bactch - and to present it in a captivating manner, and moreover to complete it on a tight deadline. I realize I need to correct myself. I wasn't a dilemma I found myself with, but rather a steaming fresh pile of shit that had somehow landed itself squarely in my hands. Being who I am, I wasn't inclined to engage in shit-slinging and ended up trying to mold the shit into something comprehensible. This "plan" I had in mind involved taking pictures of various set-ups of cards and board for use in a mini-skit of sorts; not the most original of ideas, I'll readily admit.
Anyways, as I alluded to earlier, obtaining that camera was a bloody pain in the ass. (painful imagery, that) Seems like the whole of Bravo is armed with but a single camera, which happened to be drawn out by Platoon 3 just when I needed it. No problem, how long could they take, right?
Wrong. They held onto it for a day and a half before finally returning it to the company office. But. (There's always a but) But they removed the memory card; took it out of camp, in fact, to work upon their video during Wednesday's nights off. And that after repeated attempts to hurry them up. Bandied around the idea of passing the cards and boards to Ying Hui who was going home for him to take the required photographs but it was a no go, apparently cause my partners hadn't finished drawing some things. No matter, can always use the camera when I get back, right?
Wrong. Turns out the WO in charge of the camera took it with him/locked it up (I don't really know which) when he booked out at 5+, and they couldn't sign in the memory card without him being in camp, so on to Thursday, with the IC's promise that he'd return it ASAP. Okay, still one more day till Friday, a little squeezed for time, but still doable, right?
Wrong. They only managed to return the memory card after an arms drill which stretched till 10+, after which I went to the Coy office to look for the WO to borrow the camera. No such luck, he wasn't in. Went to check the store (he's in charge of it) and he wasn't there either. Spied a familiar form at the smoking corner so there I went, taking a deep breath before sallying forth. Mission accomplished (finally) right?
Wrong. Turns out I was one step too late; some of the commanders/higher-ups had taken the camera for a recce of our field camp site, they'd be back after lunch. So up to my bunk I went, fretting over the script which I wasn't sure how to resolve, not to mention the recruitment of my "actors". Down for lunch and back again, first thing I did was to go to the Coy office to borrow the camera. Asked 2IC; YES IT'S THERE, HALLELUJAH. Signed it out after the relevant paperwork and left after entrusting it to some of our OOC personnel to take the required pictures; we hadn't completed the day's activities, you see. Gao Ding! Right?
Wrong. The pictures weren't good enough, as I realized upon first glance, so I did it myself later on. FINALLY. But nope. SAF has a security policy, you see, we aren't allowed to insert/connect storage mediums to our SAF-issued laptops, so any data transfer from the camera to the computer had to be done using the 2ICs terminal. And yet by the time I realized that the pictures taken were inadequate and did the required retakes, 2IC had booked out for the day. Cursing the lack of initiative of the OOC personnel who'd spent practically the whole day in the Coy office with the 2IC, there was really nothing I could do Thursday night except fret endlessly over the whole episode, and ranting sporadically to the more sympathetic of my bunkmates, while sharing endless bouts of laughs at how bloody ridiculous the whole thing had become.
And by the time the photos were finally transferred over to the internal system, there was undoubtedly insufficient time to do up a passable presentation, as I had been planning to use the slides as a visual aid for the presentation. And thus, an onstage crucifixion (not spelt crucification, my bad).
On the whole, events weren't totally within my control (a gross understatement methinks) but I could probably have done alot more towards remedying the situation had I the foresight and been more assertive as a leader. Hope the negative ramifications aren't too much for me to handle.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Cause you're here to swim along with me
It's been a week of much irritation for me; despite the relative lehpak-ness due to that safety timeout. Where I had mentally prepared myself for fieldcamp at Tekong, I now found myself spending much of the time at the coy line/in bunk. And yet I've found some joy in all this, in the realization that I've been blessed with some pretty special bunkmates. One who reduced me to tears (from choked back laughter) over the course of a presentation; in front of the OC and half the company no less, and others who've willingly descended into this cesspool of shit I've found myself stranded in to offer a helping hand.
Something I've found to be an extreme pain in the ass though, is the whole bunch of procedural nonsense which has effectively left me with my hands tied in my attempt to see a certain project through to completion. I've mastered the bitter laugh over the course of the week, as I realized how ridiculous the situation in which I am mired in is; a situation which has only escalated, as more and more stupid little things get in my way, the epitome of course being my "quest" to lay hands on the company camera; the Holy Grail for my endeavours, within this restricted area. Typically, once I managed to get it, after a couple of episodes too ridiculous to be worth mentioning, and having captured the required pictures, I'm now unable to make use of them, due to that little technicality regarding the insertion of storage devices into our NS laptops. Go figure :S Presentation on the morrow, and I can't do anything at all ><
Helplessness and stress certainly don't go well together, but it's helped alot to have people to b!tch to about it, and who are willing to help despite how dubious and shaky the whole endeavour sounds. Thanks :)
Something I've found to be an extreme pain in the ass though, is the whole bunch of procedural nonsense which has effectively left me with my hands tied in my attempt to see a certain project through to completion. I've mastered the bitter laugh over the course of the week, as I realized how ridiculous the situation in which I am mired in is; a situation which has only escalated, as more and more stupid little things get in my way, the epitome of course being my "quest" to lay hands on the company camera; the Holy Grail for my endeavours, within this restricted area. Typically, once I managed to get it, after a couple of episodes too ridiculous to be worth mentioning, and having captured the required pictures, I'm now unable to make use of them, due to that little technicality regarding the insertion of storage devices into our NS laptops. Go figure :S Presentation on the morrow, and I can't do anything at all ><
Helplessness and stress certainly don't go well together, but it's helped alot to have people to b!tch to about it, and who are willing to help despite how dubious and shaky the whole endeavour sounds. Thanks :)
Monday, May 14, 2012
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Tradition
In SCS: Lights out: 2230
Reveille: 0500
At home: Lights out: 0530
Reveille: ????
And now that my weekly ritual's almost complete, I can go to bed
Reveille: 0500
At home: Lights out: 0530
Reveille: ????
And now that my weekly ritual's almost complete, I can go to bed
So I got rejected
Mr Ngan: Hi Christopher. How's med applicn?
Me: I was offered my second choice, Science.
Mr Ngan: Haiz. Students like u, christopher, r the ones who should be doctor. One of ur tutors said students like u r the ones we wouldnt mind teaching for 10 years. I nodded in agreement. Tcare.
Me: Thanks alot, really! Don't worry about me..I've decided to pursue an interesting education wherever it may take me..may need your help next year as well, hope you don't forget me! Hope I'm able to go down sometime to thank you properly.
Mr Ngan: Gd ure taking it well. Proves us right.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cause my army phone really doesn't have much sms storage space.
What are words, eh? Nothing but vehicles for thought, carriers of concern, empty if there's nothing else behind them. Maybe I tend to read too much into things, but I was touched, though it's such a simple gesture. I'd gotten over it already, but appreciated it nonetheless.
Me: I was offered my second choice, Science.
Mr Ngan: Haiz. Students like u, christopher, r the ones who should be doctor. One of ur tutors said students like u r the ones we wouldnt mind teaching for 10 years. I nodded in agreement. Tcare.
Me: Thanks alot, really! Don't worry about me..I've decided to pursue an interesting education wherever it may take me..may need your help next year as well, hope you don't forget me! Hope I'm able to go down sometime to thank you properly.
Mr Ngan: Gd ure taking it well. Proves us right.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cause my army phone really doesn't have much sms storage space.
What are words, eh? Nothing but vehicles for thought, carriers of concern, empty if there's nothing else behind them. Maybe I tend to read too much into things, but I was touched, though it's such a simple gesture. I'd gotten over it already, but appreciated it nonetheless.
It seems like people are making plans for me, considering things, and idk whether I really want to go along with them. Good thing I still have a couple of months left before I really have to make a decision. Why is it that I can be so certain in camp yet come back to be subject to such external influences and pressures, and find myself being swayed to some extent?
Well anyway, I believe in a greater plan, beyond that of my/your/our comprehension. The plan isn't infallible (cause nothing ever is) but the groundwork has been laid. Nothing is certain, of course, since you can plan everything out nicely, such as we did on our NDS/Navigation Data Sheets (Oh I love the NS acronyms) but if the people on the ground don't do their part, or unforeseen obstacles pop up in the way, the plan may just go awry. No choice, detour and get back to navigating. And now it feels like I've de-talced the map limiting me to my AO and I'm seeing everything for the first time. Daunting, yet ultimately inspiring. FOCUS!
So, navigation, simply put, learning how to use the mighty prismatic compass, and an exercise which involved climbing up and down a hill somewhere in the area (codename can't be revealed) looking for checkpoints; without many defined paths, traipsing our way through the deadfalls, vegetation and drops while attempting to maintain the correct azimuth. And at night, stumbling, up and down the hill, trying not to lose my footing for fear of becoming OOC (a noun, a verb, an exclamation and so much more) and joining the pikachu platoon to eventually become a private. Dreadful waste, that. It was quite fun, in truth, especially when I imagined myself having a bird's eye view of the whole affair; cadets crawling over the hill like ants, albeit horribly pixelated, each squinting through the prism, each traveling at slightly different angles to each other, crossing paths to curse about the exercise or ask for tips about the next CP before proceeding once more. I found the section level one a little pressurizing, especially when taking point. It's lonely in front, and when you're in the middle of the forest, hill sloping up to one side, trees all around, it's quiet and you don't really know which way to go, and can't ask for help from the back, like seriously "Hey guys, I think we're lost! Any ideas?" and can only pick a direction, keep on heading uphill, and pray (I use the word loosely) for the best. Thankfully I managed to guide us to our objective, sparing me the eternal scorn of the section.
I'm determined to do well in SCS, not to wayang, nor because I harbour hopes of crossing over (the stories are terrifying..) but as a personal challenge to myself. To become more fit, and to push myself, as I did during the morning's 5km run, which I found quite okay, actually, and to make the most of the time I have there, now that I have a pretty fair idea of how I'll be spending the next year or so. I don't hate NS, and I'm pretty happy to be where I am now, in a relatively conducive environment, so we'll see how things turn out.
Well anyway, I believe in a greater plan, beyond that of my/your/our comprehension. The plan isn't infallible (cause nothing ever is) but the groundwork has been laid. Nothing is certain, of course, since you can plan everything out nicely, such as we did on our NDS/Navigation Data Sheets (Oh I love the NS acronyms) but if the people on the ground don't do their part, or unforeseen obstacles pop up in the way, the plan may just go awry. No choice, detour and get back to navigating. And now it feels like I've de-talced the map limiting me to my AO and I'm seeing everything for the first time. Daunting, yet ultimately inspiring. FOCUS!
So, navigation, simply put, learning how to use the mighty prismatic compass, and an exercise which involved climbing up and down a hill somewhere in the area (codename can't be revealed) looking for checkpoints; without many defined paths, traipsing our way through the deadfalls, vegetation and drops while attempting to maintain the correct azimuth. And at night, stumbling, up and down the hill, trying not to lose my footing for fear of becoming OOC (a noun, a verb, an exclamation and so much more) and joining the pikachu platoon to eventually become a private. Dreadful waste, that. It was quite fun, in truth, especially when I imagined myself having a bird's eye view of the whole affair; cadets crawling over the hill like ants, albeit horribly pixelated, each squinting through the prism, each traveling at slightly different angles to each other, crossing paths to curse about the exercise or ask for tips about the next CP before proceeding once more. I found the section level one a little pressurizing, especially when taking point. It's lonely in front, and when you're in the middle of the forest, hill sloping up to one side, trees all around, it's quiet and you don't really know which way to go, and can't ask for help from the back, like seriously "Hey guys, I think we're lost! Any ideas?" and can only pick a direction, keep on heading uphill, and pray (I use the word loosely) for the best. Thankfully I managed to guide us to our objective, sparing me the eternal scorn of the section.
I'm determined to do well in SCS, not to wayang, nor because I harbour hopes of crossing over (the stories are terrifying..) but as a personal challenge to myself. To become more fit, and to push myself, as I did during the morning's 5km run, which I found quite okay, actually, and to make the most of the time I have there, now that I have a pretty fair idea of how I'll be spending the next year or so. I don't hate NS, and I'm pretty happy to be where I am now, in a relatively conducive environment, so we'll see how things turn out.
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