I would risk myself for you; but only if I were absolutely certain that nobody else was willing/able to do the same, and extremely reluctantly at that. A selfish little caveat, I must say, it won't be proven unless the situation arises, so till then you may treat it as abashed self-justification to make it easier to live with myself.

There's a certain tipping point I guess, beyond which the helping hand is not extended as freely and casually as it was before. It varies from person to person, of course, with some giving and giving, apparently with no thought for themselves, and others simply unwilling to offer without any benefits in it for them. I lie somewhere in between, obviously, and as time passes and I encounter various situations, most notably in the Army, I'm gradually starting to make out where that point lies for me, with close friends, friends, section/platoon mates, or simply Coy mates. It's important, though not the most savorable of tasks to make that distinction. How far out of your way would you go to help out a "mere" casual acquaintance?

Or should I continue to feel bad bout not helping one at a pretty great personal expense.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyhow, it was an enjoyable weekend, I volunteered at IMH again on Sat, then met up with Mos and Merv to walk around Orchard Central before settling on dinner at Marche@313. The moment you step in you're assaulted by a barrage of smells, saliva-inducing visions of chicken being flame-roasted on spits, fried calamari, hugeass sausages, Rösti and so many other such offerings demanding that you get them right NOW. And it's so simple too; just scan the card and walk away with the spoils, hassle-free, and you don't really realize how much you've spent till you go to the cashier when you leave, and by then, it's too late xP The Rösti was very worth it though, I think I'm in love. Just look at it... I've dreamt up a particular design for a homemade potato shredder which should work, so maybe I'll get down to it someday. Till then...I'll continue dreaming hahaha. The sour cream goes very well with it, and it has just the right amount of crispiness from the frying mmmmm. The cream of mushroom is also damn good, very rich and I'd say quite worth it. We also shared some Kalamari Rings (also worth it) and half a chicken (not so much). Quite filling, and not the bloated kind too; it leaves you very satisfied and possibly a little eager for more.

Sunday we went shopping for my bro's grad night blazer; spent a couple of hours at H&M, and I looked around a little too, trying on stuff for once, but didn't really find anything satisfactory. Damn big difference from our grad night last year where I simply borrowed my uncle's suit; not that I'm (overly) jealous of course!

The ORD function ironically organized by the ORD-ing crew for us meant I didn't have to book-in Sunday night and we met up at Bayfront MRT Monday morning for the day's activities at GBGB instead. Not the most well-planned but a pretty good effort, and I got to explore the place a little more, which I'm thankful for. I'm determined to pay to enter the domes the next time I visit; they look interesting! The event culminated in kite flying at the Barrage, which was exhilarating, especially given the strong wind, good atmospheric conditions. I'm deffo going to do it again sometime. Pizza afterwards and that was it. I'm certainly envious of the ORD crew but my time will come eventually (there's less than 365 days till then!) so I'll try not to think too much about it and take things a step at a time, I've still yet to resolve this horrendous mess, which crouches just barely out of sight atm, just waiting to pounce.

That's it. Some friends are going through tough times recently, and I guess it'd be too cliched to say: "Tough times don't last, but tough men do". Nothing I can say/do will help, really, but I just hope that though the pain is undeniable, that they can stave off feelings of helplessness and despondence and remain strong through this and do what needs to be done. It's no fairy tale, there's no guaranteed happy ending, but you've got to go on nonetheless, yeah? All the best :)

All In Good Time

I guess there's much to be said about resilience; but there's something damn screwed up when you realize that we've inadvertently become a society which sucker punches you so hard when you're down that it's so much harder to get up again. It's disgusting to think about how so much work could be unravelled by a single moment of carelessness/indiscretion.

I blame myself, though. Should I expect any leniency?

Anyways I spent much of the day sleeping, somehow became unwell over the night, but it was a good weekend to cap off a horrible week nonetheless, and it helped me to take my mind off things. Met up with the guys on Sat after so long, though it took a little effort to coordinate the thing. Jack is damn epic, seriously: "Apparently I 'm having an appointment" hahaha. Dinner at Cityhall was pretty decent, and photobooth on Angie's MacBook was pretty interesting as well. It's a genius idea to turn what practically every laptop has (a webcam) into such a fun device with all the filters, transformations and so on with a seamless interface. Makes you wonder why Windows has so much trouble doing the same.

All In Good Time was a pretty cool movie, just the right length without being draggy; I'm not going to bother summarizing it here. Lot's of laughs, and it dealt with a lot of issues that may crop up in a marriage pretty believably as well.

Favorite line:
(When the bride and her mum were talking about sexual naïveté or something on her wedding night)

"Where do you think the karma sutra came from?"

"That's for export only, we never did it"

As an added bonus imagine it delivered with the stereotypical Indian accent xP

Anyways, bookouts now are pretty much the same as ever, sans the sense of anticipation of what could be which I used to feel each time I stepped onto the MRT. Utterly unrealistic, I know, but that's just the way my mind functions. I'll move on, in good time, but move on to what seems to be the more important question. As for now, I simply need to focus and get this annoyance out of the way.

Had an outing with Amos and Merv again yesterday. There's a pretty good pizza place, Manhattan Pizza or something over at Orchard Central (was it?). We shared a pizza, pretty worth it imo, then caught Celeste And Jesse Forever at Orchard Cineleisure. Nice little movie about best friends who are separated (as in that thing preceding a divorce) and yet continue to hang out together, and how they move on in life. I'd probably watch it again haha, can totally see why Mos is a sucker for these types of shows. After that was a walk along Orchard. It's so freaking bright! Haha and I think I can get a little high when given the chance to express myself.

Paying more for handmade goods = A form of sadism indeed!

Just think about it, assuming 2 somethings - I don't really care what - appear pretty much identical, and of similar quality, the only difference being one was machine-made while the other was painstakingly made, maybe by some elderly man in the mountain, the last scion of a dying craft (I love my melodrama); branding aside, which would you buy? Which would you be willing to pay more for? Forgive me for hazarding a guess but I'm pretty sure most would say the latter. Or even better, give someone 2 identical somethings but tell them that one's machine made while the other is handmade, they'd probably choose the second once again. Why? Is is simply because we automatically assume that something is of better quality simply because more human attention has been paid to it? Does it give us a nice fuzzy feeling inside when we think about the chair we sit in, or the clothes we wear, or the rugs we tread upon being painstakingly and lovingly carved out/stitched/whatever over hours and hours? Or maybe it's some kind of perverse sadism; we simply love the idea that hours of blood, sweat and tears have been invested as some complete stranger toiled over the thing that we're so casually sitting in/wearing/stepping on.

Or maybe it just makes you feel special. In a world where it's all too easy to feel yourself drowning in anonymity, where anything you feel adept in, undoubtedly proud of, someone else can definitely do better, maybe wearing something that someone out there dedicated themselves exclusively to makes you feel all that more unique. Who am I to judge.

I realize that I'm selfish, I crave exclusivity. I don't mind sharing what I have with others, but I want it to be clear that it belongs to me. I guess I feel the same about relationships as well, which perhaps is why I'm so plagued by that emptiness. It's immature, I know, but it's something I can't help as well.

Went out with Amos, Angie and Merv yesterday, caught Ted, had a good chat, played L4D2 and capped it off with Double Down Chicken at Astons. It was a pretty good day. It feels so different somehow, carelessly talking to a couple of close friends, freely talking about whatever I feel like talking about, reminiscing. Thanks! And it's these kind of moments that I recollect ruefully as I lie, alone in bed at night in camp, moments few and far between in the hustle and bustle of life and amidst a sea of uncomprehending faces, moments that I treasure all the more because of that. Pull me back when I'm sick and tired, stay by my side when I'm being all too callous, you have my thanks, and I'll be sure to return the favour.