Something should be said, I guess. The weekend passed, very quickly. I only wish I had more time to spend curled up on the coach, cradling and devouring a book at my own pace, but alas such luxuries are few and far between. Saturday I helped out at the range at my coach's behest, which I would have felt bad denying. Spent a couple of hours there, had lunch, met Amos, went over to Nex with him, chatting along the way, about things I haven't let my brain dwell upon for oh-so-long, it was quite satisfying; a release, in so many ways. Let him to his welfare farewell, while I had dinner with Merv and Jack, and Amos joined us after he was done. Another farewell, there, with Jack sailing off with the navy in a few days time. Seems like everyone's taking their leave, in one way or another. People going off to school, if they haven't already, and even set awash by the currents of life; I can't help but wonder when, if ever, we'll get back together again.

As for me? I'm left with the not-quite entertaining prospect of the next one and a half years in MEC, which I'll probably be talking about in the not-so-distant future, so I'll leave that till later. I've had to endure so much frustration the past few weeks, I really hate it when people judge and pigeon hole, saying "oh, he's always like that", and no matter how hard I try to break perceptions, nothing ever changes. Nothing ever changes. Guess that goes for other things as well. It's frustrating. I want to lead, I want to be assertive. I know that I have ideas, and I want to communicate them to others, in the best way possible. Yet to get shot down by people saying "you think too much" or to simple not have the crux of the idea get across effectively, then one other guy coming along, repeating the exact same thing, only a little more forcefully, replacing my "we" with his "I", and the rest then going along with it. Why? Are my attempts at inclusiveness, at fostering discussion and so on, only ultimately self-defeating? Should I not bother at all? Or is that to be my lot in life? Someone trying, struggling, really, to transform himself, yet seeing his efforts ultimately futile, always futile. And I can't help but think plaintively, and a little pathetically, "Why don't things go my way for once?" But I guess I have to realize, and have been forced to realize the reality. That the world at large doesn't really care about the fate of individuals, there's no narrative where events will suddenly swing in my favour, the world doesn't owe me anything, nor do I have any great entitlement. Yes, I may work hard, but sadly, that doesn't entitle me to get what I wish for, such is the way of life. JTB, LL, Suck thumb.

Yet maybe it's when you lower your expectations that you can really have something to hope for, so we'll see how things pan out, eh? I should just cut out the whining and go to sleep. The week awaits.