Hmm. It's not been a fantastic few months, but then again late nights (if not spent caught up in work or in a stupor in front of my com) then to be times for ponderance and more-often-than-not regret, so I wouldn't take my words at face value if I were you.

Hospital attachment is just a continuous flood of experiences, I just know that if I fail to (and I have been, more often than not) pause and take stock of the things I find particularly meaningful, that they'll just end up washed away in the deluge.

So many more things to do, much to change, for awhile now, there's been the strangest sensation of guilt as I glance at my reflection in the mirror, as if there's always something I'm not quite living up to.

That's enough self-pity for now, time to return to the more mundane things, back to reading about mammary conditions, diagnosis and management. It'd be interesting to think about desensitization after seeing things day in, day out, but I find myself past the point where I'd find it worth commenting upon, right now :)

Mmm, just an afterthought I could, should, and will dedicate a lot more effort towards appreciating the place and stage of life that I'm at now, to find fulfillment in and recognize the things that I gain and learn each day I spend in the hospital, be in going for rounds, going solo around the wards to speak to patients, or heading to the OT to watch procedures getting done.

Edit: I feel compelled to add, perhaps as a personal reminder, that cliched though it may be, to be able to study and practice Medicine is a great privilege, one that I fail to appreciate as often as I should as I get sucked up into my day-to-day activities. And this sentiment has only gotten amplified over the past 3 (like seriously, it's already been THREE MONTHS) months at TTSH. Fitting everything into the clinical context, finding out that there's still so much more to learn and discover (which has been harrowing at times, I confess), and above all, the interactions with patients, each one so precious. Precious. I always find it a pity that this head, and heart of mine possesses not the ability to viscerally recall these interactions, especially those which I felt, at the point of speaking, ought to have some life-altering impact. It happens, and I know and understand that it's inevitable that this is the case, it just takes awhile to shake off the feeling that I'm not doing them justice by failing to do so. But precious, nonetheless. I'd share more, sometime, eventually, for myself, if nothing more. We do make case records, for submission to the school, but in those, we focus so much more on the clinical, medical aspects, that the things which should make the patient unique in my eyes aren't really given the opportunity to standout, if they do surface at all. (It's been written about, in ways more eloquently than mine, so I shan't belabour the point, and to only say that I'll share that which I may, in time.)