I obviously haven't posted in ages, so if you're still hanging around now, thanks, I guess. It just seems a little weird, writing about things that probably have no proper frame of reference for whoever's reading this, and things are in a right mess in my head anyway.

Between feeding my House addiction (oh what joy there is in medical dramas, especially being able to appreciate at least some of the things going on, and in a one horse open sleigh too! It's almost Christmas, guys) and attempting to prepare for my "finals" (do note the very intentionally placed ""s, maybe I'll get back to that later), I haven't spent much time in naval-gazing introspection, maybe all the thoughts have been right out displaced from my head. A proxy for actual thought. Pity, especially since there's so much that's happened. I should really keep a journal.

I've been on a bit of a spending spree recently, got a couple of cheap games on a Steam sale - there's this really awesome game called Surgeon Simulator 2013, you control a single disembodied left hand, and when I say control I really do mean control, you control all aspects, elevation, rotation, and each finger, individually, and as the name suggests, you conduct some borderline irresponsible procedures on hapless victims, you really should try it out - , a pair of cheap um I mean relatively cheap soccer shoes and a few sets of not-so-cheap comply eartips. Freaking awesome on all counts, though. This willingness to spend (though I end up feeling shitty about myself after it) is perhaps just one of the ways I've changed, apparently.

School and academic life: I should probably learn to stick to one method/medium of note-taking/studying, revision - to whatever extent I've been able to get to - is currently a huge pain in the ass with loads of various pieces of paper, pdfs and such floating around, in no coherent manner whatsoever. Haix. I need a better way to organize this information and fast. I'm also starting to develop this niggling doubt that I'm doing enough; not a fear that I'll be unable to meet the demands of the course but rather a nagging feeling that we're kinda short in academic rigor in the course. An MCQ formative assessment for this year end paper, assignments which though graded, award you full the full percentage for a "satisfying" submission. Hehx. Individually speaking though, I probably need to step up somehow. I'm honestly still thinking about how best to attack it.

Anyways, friends ORD-ed pretty recently, don't know quite what to feel about it. I'm not jealous or anything lame about that, just a general feeling of wistfulness that that was the date I'd been looking forward to for so damn long. But what does a guy who disrupted 5-odd months ago get to say about this anyway. From the outside looking in though, it does seem like a hugely anti-climatic moment: you've given up 22 months of your life to...something...and after that you're told that you're free now! You can go do whatever you want to do, or in no uncertain terms, to eff off, with a "thanks for serving the nation" if you're lucky. No further fanfare, nobody will miss you nor the 22 months, just you.And life goes on. Which is probably the most diabolical part of this. You'd like to think that when something happens, something significant to you, that it'd have a more significant effect on your life, no? Not for things to just go on. It just doesn't feel right, like the sanctity and severity of the moment has been violated somehow. Ouch.

Ok, it's 4, I don't have much else to write that isn't more complete and utter crap, so unless I'm suddenly able to express, in not so many words, the sentence that encapsulates the conflict that lies that the heart of the human condition, then I'm done.