Nothing at all

Well, I'm in a pretty bad place at the moment. It's not everyday that someone tells you that they have a problem with your character, namely inflexibility. Apparently it's problematic for them that I want to give my best in everything I do, and they brand me as being inflexible when I'm unwilling to comply. Note that I don't attempt to force my standards upon them, I've long since given up on that. So I go about it myself, quietly; that's my compromise, and yet even that's not enough for them, it's pressurizing when I do things up to my own standards, when I'm simply doing what I think is right. That's the first time I've encountered such a thing in my whole freaking life, tbh, and I'm not very happy about it. I'm not someone with a very well-defined moral code or anything like that, but all along I've done things by doing what feels right to me, and it's very jarring to hear bout this kinda thing.

  And I'm growing increasingly frustrated everyday; it feels like nobody even hears what I have to say at all, especially when it's something they don't want to hear. It's fine for them to approach me for this or that, and I'm glad to help, but they really aren't willing to accord me the same respect when I do the same. I'm very tired and put off by all this, of consistently having to play along to others' tempo while constantly restraining myself, keeping myself from doing what I want to do.

I just find it so hard to smile, when I'm not allowed to be myself.

I realize that there are people who think differently from the way I do, and never thought that I had much difficulty getting along with such people. I always thought I was tolerant but apparently that's not going to be enough. I can do my best to accept and accommodate, but when they can't do the same, can't accept me for who I am, then there's nothing I can do.

I could be angry, or I could be sad, but currently I feel nothing at all. Just this quiet resignation. I always wanted to not let anything get me down, but I'm not big enough to resist when the weight of the world comes crushing in.