Kang Yan's birthday today. I think I actually got her a present for what might be the first time ever. Wonder what that says about me as an elder brother...the lucky bugger got 3 cakes and this gigantic jelly which she flaunted on fb...

Missed training for the 3rd day in a row. I just so tired that I couldn't bear to drag myself to Yishun after getting home. I'll just have to inject some momentum starting today. I think another reason is that I wanted to distance myself from Monday's dismal training; really lost my compose after being unable to visually focus on the target card properly - My vision just went blurry after a few seconds - and some problems with the 瞄扣意识 process that coach wants us to do. Well, 600s my ultimate, if a bit unrealistic aim, so I'll just have to work towards it.

Last day of school Last few hours of school are approaching rapidly, and I guess just like all other J1s out there, its been a fast year, it really passed in the blink of an eye. Perhaps, it is as some suggest; that its because so many things happened within this one year. But whatever it is, next year will be even faster.

To grasp hold of time, and wring out every last dreg of potential in it, is exactly what I plan to do, starting now. Rather than wondering whether this life of mine has an inherent meaning waiting to be discovered, or whether I'll have to inject meaning myself; sitting here's not going to do anything.

Off I go.

Whole day spent doing absolutely nothing. Awesum!

What makes a person good? Thinking about doing bad stuff but choosing not to do it, or not thinking about doing bad stuff at all?

The latter's really just innocence IMO, not real goodness. Of course, if the former only happens due to fear of repercussions, it's not really good is it?

Walking alone really gives me the chance for introspection; for my thoughts to roam free. And while I've often remained content to allow them free reign within my head; to romp around, unrestrained; always I've been afraid to let them out, lest these fragile, delicate thoughts of mine break and shatter, after leaving the protective greenhouse of my mind. Where they'll be exposed to the withering sun and drowning rain, of people, who just won't listen.

But I've decided to take a chance, with this as an intermediate medium of sorts; to let them out of the greenhouse, and see, whether they have a shot at survival.

A fulfilling romp as always; leaves me feeling rested and refreshed, feeling that I can take on the world, and everything it has to throw at me; that my heart is large enough to take in anything, and everything, any number of tens, or zeroes, it matters not. But the real world soon drags the feeling away, as the banalities of reality push this feeling away, and I sink back into life. Till next time~

No point

At first there was nothing.
Then a point appeared. It had no size, no volume, no magnitude; just a point in space, nothing special, nothing great, almost nothing at all, to be honest.
But it had one thing. The ambition, the drive, to be something more than it currently was, to let the universe know of its presence.
It looked at the stars -wait, no, not looked- It sensed the stars shining, basking in the light from those tiny pinpricks many lightyears distant and wondered; as much as any point could wander: Little points in space, just like (me) how is it that they shine so brightly; to pierce this void?
And the stars twinkled as if in reply: We shine; for ourselves, we shine so bright, consuming ourselves, we light the sky.
Then it knew, the point did. And it grew, gaining volume, gathering particles, a coming-together of points; and ignited; an iridescent ball it now was.
It exulted in its glory; throwing its rays to the furthest reaches of space, freely, and without a thought.
And then it was spent; burnt out, and it collapsed, into nothing.

A point in space; lonely, wondering, at the light of star, lightyears away; long burnt out.

And after 6 hours of sleep, I've finally recovered from that awesome sleepover of a class party. Now, I'm not into recounts of past events, so you're out of luck. Lanning from 1 to 5, karaoke, guitar hero, night swimming and "ultimate ball", mahjong, saboteur, truth or dare, sleeping at 6 to wake up at 9, then napping till 12. Random acts of gayness witnessed and partaken in. Mmm.
Not to be negative, but I realize I'm a talentless loser. I'll try to overcome that somehow. I've taken to drawing; trying a new method to do so: Visualize the image and superimpose it upon the paper, and just trace from there. Not too successful atm, but perhaps I'll improve with time.

Now, I haven't done justice to the experience, but I don't really feel up to it, so maybe later. Now onto shooting. The head, focus on the back, simple, really. I want to perfect my action, though. 600's my goal, my ultimate destination. Coach wants me to come up with a cohesive thought process for my shooting. Makes enough sense, I'll work on it in future trainings. Focus on making that action perfect during dry-fire and grouping, thought process during ti hui.

Signing out.

And...it's over.

Now I know the value of practice, of giving your all into practicing for a speech. Perhaps...that's the reason why...that thing happened. I must've practiced >20 times on Sunday. Shouting at the catfish, at the greenery, while waiting for the rest to get to school at 8.30 in the morning, practicing in front of the mirror in the toilet, during our actual rehearsal, stopping at random intervals after we disbanded while walking out of school to stand there for 5 minutes to read it out. And even on the way home, and well into the night, with the glare of my dad's video camera blinding my eyes. When you want something enough, you've gotta do all you can for it.

And the class party after that. Not bad at all. After lunch, we left the girls and merv behind to go lanning. Took 1.45 mins to complete that first level of L4D2, dying a total of 11 times. My, that last stage with the car was just...saddening. After that, we rejoined to group, and went to watch "the social network". An awesome movie, but a bit too emotive for something that's purported to be a "documentary" of sorts. Dinner after that, and I realized I blew 21.20 in the course of one day. Kinda worth the money, though I feel like an ass saying that, seeing that it's not my ka-ching I'm spending.

I'll miss group meetings I think, and I can't help but wonder whether I'll ever talk to my (ex?)group-mates again. Well, time will tell.

Somehow, I can't get my heart back into shooting just as yet. The inertia's really taken hold of me. Man, I just want to laze around all day >.< But I'll be back soon enough. Just give me a little time.

I'll miss you~

It feels like something should be said; that there's some kind of lesson to be learnt from all this. But I just can't put it into words. Or maybe I just can't be bothered.

OP...oh why do you bother me so -.-

I was left feeling pretty emotional after yet another one of Mr Koh's "sessions" I guess I'd call them. Probably the last one. Listening to those 2 groups speak, I can't say whether I felt inspired or humbled. Not that I was arrogant about my speaking abilities; I never was, but they left me feeling that the effort I'd put in was little, that this little scrap of paper that I was clinging to was just pathetic. I don't really know what to say.

I need to shoot some stuff. SOON.

Other than that, the past few days of chionging stuff has been pretty fun I'd say, but that's probably just me XD

I've been in a dark mood of late. Idk why, really. Seems like all the unresolved stuff of late are rising out of the murky depths of my mind to pester me again. They're getting a lil' tough to banish :/

Sorry, but I'm just tired, you know?

Everyone is, I can see that. But I don't know, by keeping it bottled up inside, by keeping my cool, by trying to be understanding, I'm just becoming more and more stressed. Too stressed, in fact, to write out a well-reasoned post.

So here, I shall stop.

Tolerance is not equal to acceptance. Never, ever forget that.

Lemme qualify that. While you may tolerate circumstances outside your control, humans have a tendency; an annoying one, to eventually come to accept those circumstances and get used to them. No change will ever come out of that.

SO, I REPEAT. TOLERATE, NOT ACCEPT.

Aside, I'd like to commend Jack & Co. (sounds totally like Fish & Co IKR?) for a job well done with ConserveCert today yesterday. Even though the turnout rate was less than desirable, you guys did a GREAT job! *CLAPS*

And now I see that you were there; when at first I didn't care~

Our perceptions are heavily colored by our momentary interests, and that's the plain truth.

Pissed

You know what? I'm perfectly aware of how to make use of my current action, even if it IS crappy.
But please don't tell me that you aren't going to help make it better, cause I'd be really disappointed if you did.
I'm doing this to get better; even better, not just to learn how to make use of this lousy action I have.
Don't let me down.

It's quite sad how other groups can be meeting up to prepare for OP while mine is nowhere to be seen and I end up loitering in the library. Hope the same thing doesn't happen tomorrow..

Preparations for IHC are going well, largely due to the anal retentive nature of a certain member. Not that its bad or anything, just a little frightening.

Training went well. I'm not using my inner vest anymore, so it's much easier to relax my arm while bringing the gun close to my body. However, this made things a little cramped and unnatural, so I still ended up controlling the gun quite a lot during my 50 shot grouping, and the shoulder piece kept sliding upwards. Got coach to adjust it for me, so now at least THAT'S taken care of. It's been bugging me for awhile now.Also made some adjustments to the rear sight positioning and so on. My body which felt so cramped at first now feels so released ~ My ti hui were so much better, and really easier to shoot. Awesum.

-Stop thinking bout things that'll never happen, cause they never will, if you get my drift-

Went to BTNR with Clarissa today morning. Not a bad trip, we saw a colugo (that's a flying lemur for you ignorant guys out there), a rare find by all accounts, especially since its a nocturnal animal. Also saw a pair of drongos, either mating or competing for territory, not sure which. They flew right over our heads, a little hard to miss, right? Spied some squirrels in the distance, but they were really really tiny, really only a streak in the foliage. A rustling of leaves led us to some lizard (an iguana?) and I terrorized a spiny tortoise into hiding. Saw quite a few cross spiders; what's really cool about them is how they keep their legs in pairs, so they look like a cross. So yeah, I saw this one which seemed to be wrapping some poor prey up in silk, as well as this large, gross one, which I somehow scared out of its web :/

The real pity is that Clarissa's puny digicam couldn't really capture them nicely, so that's kinda sad.

Took a direct bus to yishun after that; slept all the way there XD Trained without my inner vest on as I had difficulty bending my left arm properly; a little too fat, thus the strain was too much. Works for me, I guess, but I still have to work on relaxing my left arm and control it less. The left-right discrepancy is horrible...I paved the way today, so now I've just gotta work on it diligently!

And I realized that I seem to have grown since I got my suit. The proof? Originally, without my inner vest, the suit was a little loose around the shoulders, but now its a perfect fit. Haix, hope I don't outgrow it. (But maybe this explains my weight gain? XD)

I realize that I'm constantly suppressing myself; too many times something happens, and there I am ranting away in my head but in the end I keep these (perfectly valid I must add) to myself, out of a desire to not add more fuel to the fire. But I wonder; in doing so, am I making myself less of a person? In doing so, am I putting myself at a disadvantage?


Whatever it may be, that's the way I do things, for good or for worse. So if you really know me; don't just assume that because I say nothing that I'm perfectly happy, 'kay? XD

Small people in a small world

Been wanting to post for awhile now, but dota's been keeping me occupied. So now that all the rooms're full, there's a little time to spare for this.

THE PROMOS ARE OVER! Surprising elation even though I didn't spend much time preparing for it. Went out with the class after chem to celebrate; lunch, lanning and whatnot. L4D2 is surprisingly engaging.

And so it begins

Predictably, a post about the prelims promos. Not-so-predictability, the putting down of a checklist of sorts:
GP:

1. Personal and style
2. Having a stand
3. Organization of ideas
4. Examples
5. Language and grammar

That's 'bout it for the essay I guess. I'm not too worried 'bout Paper 2 as I seem to do pretty decently with that (I have a foreboding feeling about that statement though argh). I lack much of them, but there's no time, so bleh, just whack it..

I get the feeling I'm going to pay for the past few days (and weeks?) of debauchery but well...the me in the short term doesn't really care. Idk about the me in the future though. Sorry, future me, you're gonna pay for my mistakes, oh yes you will. :D

Shoot the Moon

Taking things surprisingly easy right now. I wonder...

Stuff

Stuff's happened in the past 16 days, I'm now 17, my gun broke down, I rented a Safra gun for the first time, and now, I've got a new one. 709461. Awesome. And well, the general trend's been pretty upward, though that's only if you look at it like in an econs case study. It's been a bumpy ride. Shooting-wise, I'm doing pretty well. Action's starting to solidify and my mental's getting stronger if I do say so myself. Acads-wise...hehe let's just say I'm hoping the promos won't be a total joke.

And...PW. I could write an entire essay, probably more on PW and stuff that I've learnt. Tolerance, how to suck it and well..other things. Wrapping up the WR is no mean task, well we've just got to see how we can manage it.